A Hilarious DigiTale
by Digi Chris
Summary: Takes place in Middle-Ages. Tai is a drunk, Sora is a sprite, Mimi is studying folk dances (she's also a detective), and Joe's father is a kangaroo. What are the others doing? Read and find out! This fic (as the title implies) is extremely funny. R/R
1. Default Chapter

This fic is going to be a hilarious parody on stories about magic, folk tales, magical lore, etc. In case the genre fooled you, this is not a complete fantasy fic because every other sentence will be filled with slapstick humor. I hope you like it.

Fortunately, for the serious people, some of these chapters will actually quite normal with a substantial plot. But, since I found out that I'm pathetic at writing romance fics I've decided to curb what little talent I have towards humor and supernatural stuff. 

WARNING: MAJOR TAKARI FIC! This is my first Takari fic. Also since I'm the author you can expect Taiora, although nothing is for certain.

**Finally: **This fic is meant to be funny and make you laugh. So relax and enjoy a good laugh, we all need one. Especially after 9/11. Enjoy. 

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon so don't sue me.

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Forward 

In a place where dreams come true, where the imagination flows free, and where you can drink seven liters of beer without throwing up, four kingdoms thrived in medieval civilizations. Some kingdoms were allied and good friends; others declared war on each other every other day. Out of these four kingdoms eight heroes would arise and purge the land of evil, bad luck, and prohibition. 

The eight heroes are as follows:

Tai of the Kingdom of Ty. Tai is the son of the King's Royal shoe-shiner. He spends most of his time growing food so he can eat it, and fermenting alcohol so he can drink it. The rest of the time he spends throwing up. 

Tai was tied to the Kingdom of Ty during his teenage years. Ty is a gorgeous Kingdom carved into the rocks of the Measly Mountains. The capital of the Kingdom of Ty is Tie. Tai was born in Tie (of Ty) and was to become a royal Knight. He has tied his allegiance to the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His allegiance to Ty forces him to choose a spouse and periodically beat the crap out of her. His search for a soul mate continues.

His life as a Royal Knight keeps him away from the alcohol. Although you can see him many times carrying around some 376 flasks of beer. He claims it is good exercise. 

Matt of the Kingdom of Ty. Matt is also from Ty but he does not live in the Royal Palace like Tai does. Instead, Matt is part of the Blubber-Stitch Clan. The Blubber-Stitch are mountain dwelling people with blonde hair and blue eyes. They eat only mushrooms because of their strange religion. Their religion, which is called the Way of the Blubber, forces them to sacrifice monkeys daily. The Sacrificial Ritual involves taking a monkey and throwing it off of the steepest cliff of the Measly Mountains. 

As Matt grows up, he tires of the Blubber-Stitch's weird religion and culture. So he leaves the clan and joins the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His act was a foolish one, for the Blubber-Stitch are now furious. Now they hate the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty and they are trying to overthrow it. This plunges the Kingdom into a bloody civil war. The Blubber-Stitch are now sacrificing twice as many monkeys. The Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty is forced to burn every mushroom in the Kingdom. The fighting continues.

As for Matt, he already had found a spouse to beat the crap out of but she doesn't like that as you will find out.

Sora of the Kingdom of Aros. The beautiful and witty Sora was born in Rosa, the capital of Aros. Sora is a half-human, half-sprite. She has every characteristic of a human except for eight-foot long, three-foot wide wings. She also benefits from the ability to cast magical spells and curses. Her wings don't bother her too much, because simple magic can cover the wings from eyesight. 

Sora enjoys flying around Rosa. The people of Rosa also enjoy it when she flies around because they can peek under her skirt. 

The Kingdom of Aros is the closest ally to Ty. Aros lies directly east of Ty and the two kingdoms enjoy prosperous trade of food, gold, hookers, and drugs. A common custom between Aros and Ty is that the males of Ty will often pick their spouses from Aros. So the young Matt was attracted to Sora (Sora's Sprite characteristics give her unusually large breasts).

Once Matt and Sora got engaged, the Ty ritual dictates that right before the honeymoon, Matt must beat the crap out of Sora. She was rather surprised when Matt tried to hurl a javelin through her chest. She got so mad that she put a curse on him. The curse caused a pimple to appear on Matt's penis every time he pronounced the letter "s".

The couple obviously broke up.

Mimi of the Kingdom of Aros. Mimi is the daughter of a drug dealer. She is a ditzy idiot and really has no purpose in this story what so ever. Although she has decided to educate herself so she is currently in Ty getting a Masters Degree in folk tale dances. 

She lives in the wealthiest part of Aros. She lives in a box right next to the royal palace. Her reason for existing will be slowly revealed throughout the story.

Izzy of the Kingdom of Ju-Ju-Hick. Ju-Ju-Hick lies north of Ty. The entire Kingdom is about the size of Tai's backyard. Ju-Ju-Hick is the mortal enemy of Aros. The two Kingdoms are always fighting about petty differences. Since both kingdoms are allies with Ty, the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty is often forced to solve the two kingdoms' problems. 

The latest dilemma is that Aros accused Ju-Ju-Hick of not contributing any money to their Save The Rabid Elves Fund. The fact that nobody else contributed to the Fund doesn't excuse Ju-Ju-Hick's outrageous behavior. 

As for Izzy, he is the oldest of 60,000 siblings. 59,000 of which died in an epidemic. Izzy's intellect and strength made him captain of the Ju-Ju-Hick Army. He commands the hourly attacks on Aros. His point in this story is very important but I don't know what it is yet.

Ju-Ju-Hick is the smallest Kingdom but it has the largest population. The good thing about this is that the population is mixed between humans, fairies, elves and kangaroos. Ju-Ju-Hick is a melting pot of culture where you can find half-human, half-fairy, and half-human, half-Kangaroo combinations. Also the growing population has spawned a new invention: the condom. The condom is Ju-Ju-Hick's biggest export. Izzy is in charge of the condom exports, which make him friends with many people.

Joe of the Kingdom of Ju-Ju-Hick Joe is a smart boy with a sick mind. His mother was a stupid drunk and his father was a Kangaroo. His mother used to be an org. Orgs follow the path of the drunk that leads them to becoming Irish.

Joe's miserable life forced him to flee Ju-Ju-Hick and join the Blubber-Stitch Rebellion towards the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His dumb act soured relations between Ty and Ju-Ju-Hick. The Kingdom of Aros took this as an opportunity to coax Ty into attacking Ju-Ju-Hick. 

Ty is once again caught between the disputes of Aros and Ju-Ju-Hick. But it is Tai's brilliant heroic acts as a knight that will bring Ty into becoming the superpower of the four Kingdoms.

Note that Izzy was born in the city of Juju and Joe was born in Hick. Those are the only to cities of the Kingdom. 

Tk of the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs Tk's life story is long and sad so background on the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs is useful. The Rancid-Orgs is a twisted Kingdom that always wanted more power than it deserved. It lies south of Ty and it is the only kingdom that is not built in the Measly Mountains. The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs flourishes in Butt-Crack Canyon. 

The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs is Ty's mortal enemy. The Blubber-Stitch Clan is actually a descendant of the Rancid-Orgs. Their plan was to throw Ty into a bloody civil war, and that is exactly what happened. But the plan did backfire a little bit. As you already know, the Blubber-Stitch have to sacrifice monkeys by throwing them off the Measly Mountains. Therefore, the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs is always rained on by monkeys that fall into Butt-Crack Canyon. 

The Kingdom of the Rancid Orgs has a government similar to that of a lost school of piranhas. It has no organization what so ever. Since all the other Kingdoms are allied with Ty, the Rancid-Orgs has to take care of itself by cannonball-ism. No not cannibalism cannonball-ism in which the people have to eat cannonballs as their staple food. The people of the Rancid-Orgs have a stomach of steel. Whenever a person living in the kingdom turns fifteen, he has to eat his first cannonball.

The people living in the Rancid-Orgs are mostly, well, Orgs. Therefore most of them become drunken idiots and the oldest Orgs are Irish. Every Org has to make his or her own weapon. The weapons made by the Orgs are usually cannons. The cannons are fired from the edge of Butt-Crack Canyon and head straight for Ty. Most of the time, however, the cannonballs hit the monkeys thrown by the Blubber-Stitch.

The people of the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs eat cannonballs and use them for weapons. It is still a mystery how the Kingdom has so many cannonballs to spare.

Finally, the Rancid-Orgs travel out of Butt-Crack Ravine once in a while and they kidnap small children from Ty. This is when Tk comes into the picture. 

Tk is Matt's brother, although he doesn't know it. Tk and Matt were both living in Ty together when suddenly, the Orgs kidnapped them. They put Matt in the Blubber-Stitch clan and they took Tk down into Butt-Crack Ravine. 

Tk was only two years old when he was kidnapped so her remembers little of Ty. Although he strongly dislikes his home, and he longs to live in the Measly Mountains. So one day, before his fifteenth birthday, he decides to escape. Since he doesn't want to remain and eat his first cannonball. The Orgs are so stupid that they can't understand that Tk is a human and not an Org. Tk has had enough with the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs so he devises a plan to get past the security of Butt-Crack Ravine and climb the Measly Mountains. 

Kari of the Kingdom of Ty Kari is Tai's younger sister. She is a pretty young girl and her best friend is Sora from Aros. She hates rules and often defies the 

Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. It is usually up to her brother to keep her in line. 

One day when she is hiking down the Measly Mountains simply to defy the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty, she spots a gorgeous young boy: Tk. She immediately falls in love with him. Now she is faced with a huge problem. Tk is from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs and she is from the Kingdom of Ty. All relations between the two kingdoms have been severed off completely, and she knows the horrible punishment for associating with somebody from the Rancid-Orgs. The punishment is complete and total prohibition from alcohol. 

What is she to do? Give up her beer bottle or give up the boy of her dreams? She decides to go to Aros and ask Sora for help. Kari intends to learn magic that will help her with her problem.

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Well how was it? Please r/r. Flame it for all I care because if you flame the fic it proves that you are showing emotion towards it. The worst thing you could do is not review. And if you read the fic but you don't review, well let's just say I know where you live. I know where you live so I'll come to your house and steal all your milk! ....Ok why don't I stop typing now. Ciao! 


	2. Bad News and More Bad News

Well, Ch. 1 is up! (Actually it really is Ch. 2 but due to technical complications it must be referred to as Ch. 1. Sorry for any confusion.

Disclaimer: Digimon isn't mine but the story is. 

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Chapter 1

Bad News and More Bad News

Tk looked around at the place that he would soon leave. He was standing at the city gates. He could see the ugly green smoke rising from the chimneys of Org homes. The Orgs were having a farting ritual again. Tk's nose has grown immune to the foul gas but his eyes still water in the putrid odor. 

The sky was black even though it was only five o'clock. It was always dark in Butt-Crack Canyon. It was an average day. Orgs lumbered about carrying cannonballs and doing Org things. These things included mugging, raping, and smoking pot. This was the capital city of the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. The city was named after the person who founded it: Dickhead.

Dickhead City was located in the western part of the kingdom. The Kingdom of Aros lay directly north, and that's were Tk was headed. He pushed at the rusty brown gates that would free him of Dickhead. He looked back one last time at his smelly, dark, ugly home. He stood at the edge of the gate with mixed feelings. Dickhead City wasn't the prettiest place but it was his home. He finally mustered up his courage and waved good-by. Then he ran towards Aros.

As soon as he could no longer see the green Org gas he looked up. It seemed to be a clear day and he could almost see the summit of one of the Measly Mountains. Aros was waiting for him.

"Where you think you going?" A voice bellowed. Tk spun around and saw a skinny Org starring at him. (Skinny for Orgs means about 300 pounds.) 

"I'm, I'm going to-" Tk stuttered trying to think of an excuse. 

"Why ain't you in Dickhead?" The Org belched. 

"I was um, hunting for chickens!" Tk exclaimed.

"What's a chicken?" The Org asked.

"It's a type of cannonball" Tk lied.

"Oh ok, well have fun then." And the Org stomped away.

'Whew.' Thought Tk. That was a close call. But just when he thought it was safe; another Org came stopping up the canyon.

"Monkeys!" He was screaming, "the Blubber-Stitch are throwing monkeys! Take cover, take cover!" 

Tk looked up and sure enough there were a couple hundred primates tumbling down the canyon. He ran under a tree and crouched behind a rock. 

The scene was devastating. Monkeys flew down like bombs onto Dickhead. The monkeys made holes in houses and destroyed bridges. Helpless Orgs started running around in circles. A few of them managed to escape on boats. Tk followed the path of the boats. They were going down the Moo-Moo river. The river flowed east, the boats would be safe. 

Tk began running towards the river. As he ran a monkey that fell 16,000 feet landed right next to him. The impact was like that of a meteorite and he fell to the ground. More and more monkeys fell from the sky. Some fell into the Moo-Moo river and created catastrophic waves. One of the waves ate up Tk and brought him splashing into the Moo-Moo. 

As soon as he surfaced, he found out why it was called the Moo-Moo. There were cow-sharks. Sharks with utters. Tk screamed for help. He tried to get away from a cow-shark, but another monkey fell into the river and caused more waves. Tk's body was launched up into the air. Fortunately he landed in a boat. 

"Oh my God the Blubber-Stitch are throwing people too." Cried an Org, "don't worry little guy, you'll be safe where we are going."

Tk coughed out some water, "Where are we going?" he managed to choke out. 

"We're going to Blackball." The Org said. 

Tk gasped. Not Blackball, any other city but Blackball. Just before he could protest, another monkey whizzed past the boat and Tk passed out. 

***

Tk rubbed his eyes and sat up. A big, slobbering, ugly Org was starring at him. 

"So the little idiot woke up after all." The Org bellowed.

Tk ignored the insult. He was used to it. Insulting people was considered polite by Org terms. Then again, an Org probably doesn't know what the word polite means.

"My cheeks hurt" Tk groaned. 

"That's because I was slapping you trying to wake you up." The Org laughed. 

Tk rolled his eyes and sat up. He was sitting outside by a campfire. He squinted in the darkness and his face went pale. Up ahead lay the gates to Blackball.

Blackball was the military outpost of the kingdom. It was were all the cannonballs were fired. So directly north of the city, lay the massive Kingdom of Ty. Blackball was the ugliest, dirtiest, most disgusting poop-hole on the planet. A tourist attraction for most Orgs. The city's inhabitants were no better. Tk knew that they would force him to eat a cannonball, either that or he would become one.

"Your lucky kid." The Org said, "your gonna be part of Blackball's army. And as soon as I bring you to the city, Harry will question you and then you will be posted at a cannon and you'll be blowing Ty to bits!"

Tk groaned but then his face went pale again.

"Who did you say was going to question me?" He asked.

"Harry." The Org said smiling. 

Harry was the captain of the cannon squad. He would defiantly make Tk eat a cannonball. Or worse. Tk may be forced to launch an Operation Rip Apart. Operation Rip Apart was an attack formation in which Orgs tore open there buttocks therefore forcing rancid gas out of there rectums. An Org's anus was big and loose but Tk would have an experience much like being anally raped. He shuddered at the thought. 

At the crack of dawn, Tk was brought into Blackball. Even before he was brought through the gates, he had already devised a plan into tricking the Org into letting him go. 

Although he wasn't that lucky. The Org pushed Tk into a building where Harry was waiting for him.

"Hello Tk." Said Harry. Harry's full name was Harry Penis. He was with out a question the smartest Org around. He was a stout Org weighing over 600 pounds, he could easily swallow Tk whole. You could tell this Org ate his share of cannonballs. Tk would soon find out that Harry Penis was also the meanest of all Orgs.

"Welcome to Blackball, Tk." Harry said smiling.

"How do you know my name?" Tk asked.

"It's simple, I was the one who kidnapped you and brought you here eleven years ago." Harry said smiling wickedly.

"What?" Tk asked bewildered.

"Never mind that, we'll talk about that later. Now for business. Do you know what today is?" The ugly Org asked. Tk shook his head.

"Today is the day that we will triumph over Ty!" Harry bellowed sending spit wads all over Tk's clean face. 

"What do you mean?" Tk asked.

"Shut up and let me talk! Today is the day that all my hard work and efforts will be paid off. Do you know what I've been preparing for five years?" The Org shouted.

"Nope." Tk said.

"Shut up I said! Don't you dare talk back!" Harry's voice shook the floor. Tk gulped and kept his mouth shut. 

"For five years I've been recruiting the smelliest Orgs I could find. I have assembled them all here and for five years I've been giving them food and cannonballs that would move their bowls. Today is the day I will unleash Operation Rip Apart!" He laughed as he said this. Tk's face grew whiter and whiter with each word Harry uttered. 

"And so the farts that those Orgs will unleash will send shockwaves powerful enough to crack mountains apart. Let's say someplace like the Measly Mountains." Harry chuckled, "and the farts will reach all the way up into Ju-Ju-Hick!"

Harry got up and stared Tk in the face. He said, "But unfortunately, Operation Rip Apart will not take place today. That is because many of the Orgs I recruited were spending the night at Dickhead City, and you of all people know what happened there.

Tk's eyes watered as he remembered his home being rained upon by destructive monkeys.

"So I will be forced to delay the Operation until I have enough Orgs. This is where you come in." Harry clapped his hands with happiness, "Tk, you will go up the Measly Mountains and spy on there defenses then tell me everything you see."

Tk couldn't believe his luck, could this be the chance to escape that he had been so eagerly waiting for. Nope. 

"Don't get any ideas you stupid human. I'll be keeping an eye on you so don't you even think about running away."

Tk sighed. Harry looked at him and said.

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen." Tk said.

"When is your birthday?"

"In two weeks." Tk said. Then he suddenly realized his mistake. 

"Ah very good then in two weeks you will eat your first cannonball. And in two weeks I will launch Operation Rip Apart!" Harry laughed and cackled for about half an hour. 

"Any questions?" He asked when he was finished laughing. 

Tk nodded, "What was that you said about kidnapping me?" 

Harry smiled wickedly again, "I'll tell you in two weeks. So you'll have three things to look forward too. Now go get washed and eat something because you'll be spying late this afternoon."

Tk got up and an Org showed him to his new house. He was now a citizen of Blackball. 

Harry had a few last words for him, "I'm warning you Tk! Don't even think about running away!"

Tk walked into his house, heated up some water, took of his clothes and got into a tub. As he cleaned himself, he reflected on the recent turn of events. 

'Oh well.' He thought, 'At least I didn't get hit by a monkey.' He got out of the tub and dried himself off. As he put his clothes back on he looked out the window and gazed at the Measly Mountains. 

"I will escape from this nightmare." He said to himself. Because hope was all he had and hope was his only weapon. Hope was his only beacon toward freedom.

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See? That wasn't to stupid. Takari will be up in the next chapter. Please review, and if you don't, remember I will steal your milk and kill your dog! Au Revoir. 


	3. RomeoTk and JulietKari

Fanfiction says that this is chapter 3 but it really is chapter 2. Trust me.

IMPORTANT

After rereading the fic I realized that I had made a few geographical errors. Here are the facts to help clear things up.

1) The Kingdom of Aros lies _west_ of Ty not east. Here is the map. Ty is in the center, Aros is west, Ju-Ju-Hick is north of Ty, and Rancid-Orgs is south of Aros and Ty. (Yes all of this is made up, don't go looking in an atlas to prove me wrong)

2) The very interesting name of the cliff that separates Ty from the Kingdom of the Rancid Orgs is not Butt-Crack Ravine but Butt-Crack _Canyon. _Just thought you would like to know. 

3) Moo-Moo river flows east, towards Ty but not _into_ Ty. It goes through The Kingdom of the Rancid Orgs. And no, cow-sharks do not exist you critical nazis this is from my imagination in order to make you laugh. How can you honestly believe that sharks with utters exist?

I hope that clears things you, if you have more (intelligent) questions feel free to e-mail me. Capz087@aol.com. Enjoy the story. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon but the plot of this story is all mine.

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Chapter 2

Romeo(Tk) and Juliet(Kari)

Ty was a place with many rules. Each of these rules and regulations were formed for the well being of the citizens of Ty. Most of them were pretty basic rules like you shouldn't kill, or you shouldn't commit suicide, and you shouldn't have sexual relations with a rabid dog. Other rules went towards the well being of the kingdom. Most of them stated that you had to pay taxes in the form of drugs and that you had to give complete honor and obedience to the King of the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. 

In return, the kingdom will offer the people protection.

Some rules didn't make everyone happy however. Like the strict law that stated a maximum of 10,000 bottles of alcohol could be consumed a day. Even just one bottle higher would result in sever punishment. Most people ignored the rule and went right on drinking.

Tai was a righteous boy with a sense of wisdom and strength. His life story is dull and boring so I'll sum it up in one sentence. He lived a dull life and everyone liked him. The most interesting part of his life was not in the past but will be soon seen in the near future. So enough about him because he has really no importance in this chapter. 

Kari was a girl that didn't like rules. As a matter of fact, she despised them. 

She could tolerate some rules but there was one that she absolutely hated. The Kingdom 

of Ty states that no one can leave the kingdom without a proper visa and a proper reason. 

Kari didn't mind that too much, but she wanted to go explore every corner of the Measly 

Mountains (no one knows why). So being the rebellious girl that she is, she decided to escape the eyes of her drunken father and run south. But first she needed some supplies...

"Which one was it?" She muttered to herself. She was in her father's storage room. Her father was the King's Royal shoe-shiner. His storage room was filled with shelf after shelf of shiny shoes. Her father hid a certain item in one of those shoes. She needed that certain item for the expedition she was going on. 

"Ah ha!" She exclaimed as she found the item. She took it out of the smelly shoe and put it in her skirt pocket. She left the room and prepared to exit the castle.

As she arrived at the front gates someone was there to stop her.

"Kari where are you going?" Asked her brother. Kari groaned. Tai was the only 

person she respected. She didn't want to make him angry, so she lied to him.

"I'm going to buy some beer." She told him.

"Oh ok." Tai said relieved, "don't be gone long though, your friend is coming over today." 

Kari almost forgot. Sora was coming! She was flying all the way from Aros.

"Don't worry Tai I'll only be gone for a while." And she bolted out the door. 

For some reason, she didn't know why, she needed to hike the Measly Mountains today. She was expecting something. She didn't know what it was, but she was expecting it. 

***

Tk cursed under his breath as his face met the floor again. 

"You idiot watch where you're going!" Scowled Harry Penis. Tk mumbled and got back up. It was a long boring hike up Butt Crack Canyon. 50% of his time was spent tripping and slipping of the sandy ground, the other 50% was spent being pushed down by Harry complaining that Tk was too slow. 

Nonetheless Tk kept to it. Before he knew it, Blackball was slowly fading into the shadows as the human and the Org climbed higher and higher. When they were about 10 feet from the surface of the canyon, Harry stopped him. 

"Ok kid, listen up. You have to climb out of Butt Crack and hike up that mountain. Once you're at the top spy down on the military equipment of Ty. When you're done come back and tell me everything you see." 

"Why aren't you coming?" Asked Tk. 

"Shut up and move!" The Org spat. Tk did as he was told but he couldn't help but mutter "chicken!"

He continued the climb and then, for the first time in 13 years, he stepped out of Butt-Crack Canyon. He shielded his eyes from the blazing sun above. He took a deep breath of cool, clean air. He was free again. 

He looked back down the canyon. He gazed at the hellhole he had been living in for all his life. First he looked at Dickhead City which had been destroyed by monkeys. He looked at the Moo-Moo River, which was infested with cow sharks. Then he finally looked at Blackball, where he knew thousands of Orgs were preparing to release the gas in their rectums. 

Afterwards, he looked back up at the sky, so blue, so wonderful, he never thought things could look so beautiful. And the air smelled so fresh! It wasn't plagued with the farts of the Orgs. And the water! The water was so clean and clear! It didn't look like a dragon flew by and had a flaming case of diarrhea in the nearby vicinity. Tk looked at his reflection in the water. He always was a little vain. His blue eyes, his neat blond hair, his sturdy body. The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs didn't mar his natural beauty. 

Then Tk remembered why he was here. He decided to get a move on it. He didn't want to piss off Mr. Penis. He continued his hike until he reached the summit of the mountain. The next scene would stay with him for the rest of his life. 

He was looking upon the Kingdom of Ty. It's buildings stood tall casting pretty shadows all over the place. The sun dazzled on the kingdom creating a warm friendly feeling. Instead of the foul smell of Org gas, there was the smell of pot and warm root beer. Instead of muggers dotting the street, hookers dotted the street. Tk fell in love with the place the minute he saw it. 

***

Kari raced to a fork in the road where she impatiently read the signs. One said _to the woods of despair_ nobody was dumb enough to go there. They say the place is infested with birds that will periodically drop crap on you if you venture to far into the woods. 

The other sign read _To Measly Mountain #4. _That was Kari's destination. The Kingdom of Ty was built between mountains #1 and #2. The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs was built in Butt Crack Canyon, just below of Mountain #4. 

As Kari made her way around the twisted winding path, she spotted a figure moving down the opposite side of the mountain. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the moving figure was a boy. A very attractive boy. The boy looked up and saw her. As she gazed into his deep blue eyes, she was shot by cupid's arrow. Unfortunately, the arrow knocked her off balance and she slipped and fell off the mountain. 

***

Tk moved in reflex. He darted under Kari and caught her. She looked up dazed at the person who had saved her life. They both gazed into each other's eyes. Kari felt so warm and safe. She smiled, he smiled back. A moment that the two kids would treasure forever was about to happen but it was interrupted by a loud sour fart. 

Tk bolted around and saw Mr. Penis looking at them with a rotten attitude and an even more rotten intestine. Kari screamed and wrapped her arms around Tk's neck.

"Listen kid, I told you to stay low. Don't you go flirting with a Ty chick." Harry spat.

Tk was about to open his mouth in protest but he was interrupted by another fart. This time, four stupid, ugly, fat Orgs were lumbered towards them. Harry had taken them along because they were stupid and expendable. 

At the moment, the Orgs were chirping. The chirping was meant to disguise themselves as a pack of migrating cockroaches. Chirping and farting, they formed a circle around Tk and Kari. The kids were terrified. Especially Kari because she had never seen an Org before. 

Harry gave an order to the Orgs, and immediately, one of them began to remove his pants. Kari screamed because she knew what was coming. He was going to take a dump.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Org crap, it is very acidic and it can easily burn a hole through anything.

Tk held Kari tighter and stared with icy hatred at Harry.

"If you lay one finger on her you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" Tk threatened. Useless to the Orgs but Kari was awed by his bravery. 

The Org was interrupted from his bowl movements, however, because a speeding blur of color knocked him on the ground. The Org was stunned and looked up to see what had hit him, but it was moving too fast. The blur slammed into the other Orgs and soon, everyone including Mr. Penis was down on the ground.

The blur stopped moving and slowly the figure of a young girl with auburn hair and wings appeared. 

"Sora!" Kari screamed with delight.

"Move along Mr. Penis this is Ty territory." Said Sora. Her face was cold and her eyes stern.

"You fanciful bitch." Said Harry as he got up, "Get them!" He screamed to the Orgs.

"Don't move!" She yelled. She held her hand up and sparks flew out of it, "One more step and you're all dead."

The Orgs were not afraid of death though so they lumbered towards the two kids. Still chirping however because they thought that there disguise as migrating cockroaches was working. 

"Fine then!" Sora said and with that she sent a shower of sparks to the Orgs. One turned into a frog, the other into a leaf, the other into a cockroach, and the last one into a fire hydrant.

Harry grumbled but decided to retreat instead, no use fighting a sprite. He tried to snatch Tk up but he found a sword right under his nose. He looked up and found two hazel eyes glaring at him.

The eyes didn't blink as the person spoke, "Leave the boy and my sister alone and maybe we'll let you out alive."

Harry shook with anger but he turned tail and farted. The gas rocketed him back into Butt-Crack Canyon.

"I'll be back!" He screamed over the intestinal gas, "and Tk you'll be sorry!"

After the fart died down Tai spoke. 

"Come on, the two of you are coming with me, we're going back to the castle. Kari you don't know how much trouble you're in so it's best you keep you're mouth shut. And remember to curtsy to Sora when you walk past her. She boasts a degree of royalty in Aros and she just saved you're life." Tai looked at Tk, "You can put her down now."

Tk realized he was still holding Kari. He blushed and put her down. The two of them curtsied awkwardly to Sora and then they made there way back to the palace in Ty.

***

They didn't say much on the short journey. The Kingdom of Ty was built in a ravine between two mountains so the hike was mostly downhill. After about an hour's walk, Tk found himself face to face with the gates of the city of Tie. 

The four people entered and Tk was awestruck. First by the sun. Never had he seen such bright colors before. The bright colors of the fruits that a vender was selling, the green sheen of trees that lay off towards the woods of despair, and the black outfit that a hooker was wearing across the street from them. This city was the capital of the world, a place were trade prospered and people could come here expecting liberty and happiness. Tk thought that the world needed more places like this. 

Once they arrived at the palace, which was the biggest most beautiful building of them all, Tai led them to Kari's chambers. 

"Alright you two" Tai said to Kari and Tk, "I'm going to leave you here for a while because Sora and I have business to attend to with His Majesty. Kari don't try anything stupid. And you,-Tk right?-I'll send a servant to come and get you."

Tk nodded, was he in trouble? A dangerous thought crossed his mind. He wasn't accustomed to the rules and regulations of the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty and maybe it was against the law to touch a girl or come into contact with someone who lives in the palace. He remembered that they had found him with an Org, which meant they must already know that he came from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. What punishment would they have in store for him? He pushed the thought out of him mind for now. 

Tai and Sora left the room and the Tk and Kari were left alone together. Kari sat on her bed and began tracing imaginary pictures on the mattress. Tk tried not to stare at her.

"Thanks for saving my life." Kari said after an awkward silence. 

Tk blinked, "Oh it was nothing, Sora was the one who really saved us."

Kari nodded then she realized that she was forgetting her manners. She stood up. "I'm Kari, daughter of the King's Royal shoe-shiner, pleased to meet you." She held out her hand.

"Charmed, I'm Tk...(what else is there to say?)." Once again he felt at a loss. He didn't know if he was supposed to shake her hand or kiss it. So he did both. Tk pressed his lips against her silky smooth hand. She blushed uncontrollably as she felt his warm soft lips. 

When he realized he was kissing the hand for a little to long (35 seconds), he bolted upwards. She giggled and looked into his bright blue eyes. She liked him. She looked into his eyes and tried not to stare as she spoke. 

"So, where are you from?" She asked. Careful, thought Tk. 

"I'm not really sure. Up until now I was living in...(oh well here goes) Dickhead but it was destroyed by monkeys. Then I was brought to Blackball and I became Harry Penis's slave. He wanted me to spy on Ty's military outposts. I just wanted to run away. I couldn't stand that place and they wouldn't let me leave.

"So I don't know where I am from, except that Harry said something about kidnapping me. It's probably true because I defiantly don't come from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. I just....I was so happy when I saw Ty for the first time, I thought I was finally free from the hell I had gone through. And now, I'm probably going to go to prison." He felt himself on the verge of tears and collapsed on the bed. 

Kari was swollen with sorrow and compassion for this boy.

"No, that's not it at all! There's no way your going to prison, I won't let that happen! You saved my life remember? As for your life story, I'm incredibly sorry." She said, and she sat down next to him and put her arms around his neck. Tk returned the embrace and sweetly kissed her forehead.

That's when a knock came on the door. The kids sat up startled. Tk shook his head. What was he doing? Kissing a Ty girl, a _royal_ Ty girl. Well, she didn't seem to mind, actually...but that wasn't the point. Rules must be obeyed and peasants, especially foreign peasants, could not kiss high-class girls, even on the forehead. 

A servant entered the room. 

"Monsieur Tk, yes? Very good. His Majesty desires your presence. If you would please come with me to the throne room. And don't forget to curtsy." The servant held the door open for Tk. The boy looked back at Kari with a helpless expression but he managed to smile at her: her heart melted.

Tk followed the servant into a room that reeked of pot and seemed to be made of solid gold. Tk spotted another room that held the King's 785,621 mistresses.

He remembered to curtsy and he walked up to the King sitting on His throne. Tai, Sora, and a man who must of been Tai's father were also present and they were all smiling warmly at Tk. If this was Tk's death penalty, they were all very happy about it. 

"Young Tk," Spoke the King, "There are many things I wish to tell you but it will take long and it is getting late. I have an appointment with a woman of mine you know." He winked. How did this sex-obsessed man inherit the throne?

"Well my boy, there is no charge against you, it has come to my attention that you saved my shoe-shiner's daughter's life. I speak on behalf of her family that they are all truly grateful. Anyway I have one thing to tell you, you are not from the Kingdom of the Rancid Orgs, you are from Ty. Yes I know I will explain everything tomorrow. But now you must rest. I had a servant of mine prepare the room across form Kari's. No hanky-panky with that girl now." The King winked again, Tk blushed.

"Well go on my boy, off to bed." The King said. Tk curtsied and remembered not to turn his back on the King. When he reached the door he turned around and left. 

When he went back to the shoe-shiner's chambers (that's what Kari's family's house inside the palace was called) he found Kari waiting anxiously for his return and she wanted to know if he was in trouble. He told her everything the King had said to him and she felt relieved. Tk was happy that she was worried about him. It meant she cared. 

He was facing her in the hall when he got this urge. He grabbed her hand and moved close in order to kiss her goodnight. His spirits soared as he moved closer but he stopped halfway. He remembered his status. He was a peasant, she was high-class. He sighed and let go of her hand.

"Goodnight." He muttered.

Kari looked back with a hurt expression on her face. He didn't like her she, thought. 

Now, if this story was going to be about sappy romance, this is how it would go: Kari would think that Tk had no interest in her so she would be heartbroken and she would date another boy just to make him jealous. Meanwhile, Tk really _does _like Kari but he won't be her boyfriend because of his social status. So when he sees that she is dating someone else he is crushed. Until one fateful day, Tk explains why he isn't kissing her, she understands and dumps the loser she is dating. Then Tk and Kari get together and they live happily ever after. Either that or a heartbroken Tk will commit suicide.

Unfortunately, this is not a sappy romance fic so I'll save the love story mentioned in the paragraph above and get right to the point. Now back to the story.

Kari walked back crushed into her room but she stopped halfway there. She looked back and saw a very sad Tk turning around to go to his room. She ran towards him and flung her arms around his neck. 

"Kari?" Tk said startled. 

"Shh." She said putting a finger to his lips. She looked into his eyes, they were surprised, caring, and happy. He couldn't fight it any longer, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. The kiss was so sweet and soft she barely felt it. They both closed their eyes. She put her hands on the back of her head and pulled him deeper into the kiss. She felt light, happy, as if she were floating in a cloud. 

After one, maybe three, ok ten minutes her eyes fluttered back open and they were looking into a pair of blue eyes staring back. They noticed that a crowd of servants had gathered in the hall wide-eyed.

Tk blushed a little and released Kari from his embrace. 

"Goodnight, Kari."

"Goodnight, Tk."

And they both walked back into their rooms. 

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Ok ok so it did turn out to be sappy but I have a lot of people to please here and everyone likes romance. The next chapter is going to be about Mimi learning medieval folk dances and Izzy selling condoms. It'll be worth your while if your looking for a laugh, otherwise it's just plain stupid, but it takes a sophisticated person to understand sophisticated humor....ok enough bs I'm rambling again. Remember to R/R because if I don't get reviews I won't continue the story. 


	4. Dancing in Bed

What's up!!! I just drank about three bottles of coke so I'm kind of hyper right now. It's a good thing I'm writing because it should come out extra funny. It says it's chapter four but it is really three. But if you read the fic from start to now you should have no problem. This will be the only chapter with taiora, so taiora fans don't skip over this chapter! You shouldn't be skipping over anyway. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine and it probably never will be. But this story, and any other names mentioned other than the digidestined are _mine. _

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Chapter 3

Dancing in Bed

This Chapter is Great because it has been Blessed with Taiora! 

"One and two and skip and three! One and two and skip and three! One and two and twirl and three!" We are at the University of Ty. This is the class for the medieval folk dances. And the person who is talking is the flamingly gay dance instructor. His name is Homo Sexual and he is teaching a group of 25. One of them is Mimi.

"One and two and skip and THREE! Very good loves, take five." Said Homo.

Mimi shook her hair loose out of its ponytail and plopped down on a chair.

"Whew!" She said, "at the very least that was a good workout." She looked at her dance instructor, he was wearing a pink leotard with matching pink leg-warmers. He was also wearing yellow shoes and a purple headband. She had to ask him something. 

On the outside, Mimi conveyed herself as a stuck-up air head with nothing better to do than to antagonize over her looks. This was true. However, she was not ditzy. In reality she was actually working for the equivalent of today's FBI. The government job she was working for was ASS-Aros Sleuth Society. And Mr. Homo Sexual was a very suspicious suspect. She was on a mission of incredible importance, which was closely linked with Harry Penis's Operation Rip Apart.

Mimi had to execute extreme caution. She had to find out everything she could on Operation Rip Apart and report it to Aros, which in turn would send it to the King of Ty. Mimi was a fine detective and her innocent looks and headless character would offer a clever disguise. I bet _you _reader, would never have thought that under that air headed pink princess would lie an experienced investigator. But Homo Sexual was clever, and Mimi had to be careful as not to give away her identity. 

She got up from her chair and went up to her instructor. 

"Mr. Sexual, may I speak with you for a moment?" She asked.

"Homo love, call me Homo and of course what is it?" He led her into his office, which was littered with pictures of naked men. Mimi tried not to distract herself.

"Sit down sweetheart, make yourself at home." Said Homo. She sat down.

"Mr. Sexual...err...Homo, it has come to my attention that you have been getting an unusually high profit from your dancing class. Surely your source of gold is coming from somewhere other than this class? If you would be so kind as to tell me where your gold is coming from I will be very happy." 

Homo was shocked to see Mimi talking like this, she usually couldn't manage more than three words in each sentence. What made matters worse was that she was asking something that was meant to be kept secret. 

His eyes narrowed, "Why are you asking this?" He said.

Mimi decided to flatter him: "Well, I saw that you were getting _so _rich and your folk dancing class are _so _good and _so_ modern (remember these are medieval times) and I just wanted to know why you are _so _successful." She stressed every "s" in each _so_ that she sounded like she sprung a leak. 

"Oh darling why didn't you say so" Said Homo, "I do get an extra amount of gold. It comes from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs."

Mimi's eyes widened, this man was a criminal. The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs was off limits to anyone living in Ty. And this man was a university professor working in Ty!

"Well, Mr. Homo Sexual, my I ask who gives you the money." She said.

"The Org -I mean- person who is giving me the money made me swear not to tell anybody.

"Why is this kept so secret?" She pressed.

"Because it has to do with the fact that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and my leotard is pink!" He said in a sing-song voice.

Mimi grumbled and stood up. "Mr. Sexual, I have no wish to speak about this nonsense. The questions I'm asking you are of dire importance and are extremely fundamental to the well-being of the citizens of Ty. I'm asking you to please desist-" She was interrupted by Homo. 

"Oh you turn me on when you speak smart like that!" And he grabbed her and planted one on her lips.

Mimi gasped and shoved him away.

"I thought you were gay!" She exclaimed. 

"I am." He said. Then he pointed to the bulge in his pants, "But he isn't."

Mimi stopped herself from slapping him, "Mr. Sexual if you lay a finger on me the president of this university will cut of your arms, your legs, your head, and another part of your body!"

Homo sighed and moved away. 

"Right, well five minutes are up. We have to continue the lesson." And he led her out of the office. 

After another half hour of "One and two and skip and three!" Mimi wandered around the university campus for a while then she went back up to her dorm. When she got there, she took out a quill, some parchment, and an inkwell and she began to write something.

June 3rd 786,

Lesson today went well. Nothing unusual and I even learned some new steps. I did manage to confirm that Homo Sexual is getting extra gold from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. This means that they are paying him to keep his mouth shut. I have to find out what they are trying to hide through Homo. I'll update as much as I can.

ASS investigator 

Mimi Tachikawa

She rolled the piece of paper up and whistled. A pigeon flew through the window and crashed into a chair. 

"You dumb bird watch where you are going!" She said and she tied the note to the pigeon's leg. The bird took off to deliver the message, but not before smashing into the wall first.

"Stupid pigeon, why did they have to give me a _blind_ messenger pigeon." She grumbled. And she watched him fly away in a zigzag path.

***

Tai walked aimlessly around the palace. He was oblivious to everything around him and he had already bumped into three servants, six maids, and the royal dog. He had a certain person on his mind, and we all know who that certain person is: Sora. He couldn't stop thinking about her. She was like an oil spill leaking around his brain. Wherever he looked, he saw Sora. He saw her in the clouds. He saw her on the mountains. He even saw her at the center of his private toilet bowl. 

Little did he know that she was thinking about him too, well maybe not, but he thought that she was thinking about him. So, when two people start thinking about each other they usually meet. So it was about that time that Tai saw a flying figure out the window. The figure crashed through the window and landed on top of Tai.(Well "crashed" isn't the correct word because back in those days windows weren't made with glass but with metal bars.) 

"Owww." Tai grumbled, "Sora? What are you doing here?" 

"Umm, I came to see somebody." She said, Don't stare at him, she told herself. Don't stare or you'll give yourself away.

"Why did you fly through the window? We have doors you know." He said sarcastically.

Sora got up off of him, "Yes I know but the winds were strong." This was a lie, the reason she crashed through the window was that she was spying on Tai and she wanted to get a closer look. 

"So who do you want to see?" Tai asked.

"You-I mean I don't know." She stuttered. 

"You came here to see somebody but you don't know who he is?" Tai raised his eyebrow. 

Sora glanced around nervously. "Ok the situation is getting awkward. I came here to see you, because...well, I like you, in a non-likeable sort of way."

Tai blinked. "Ok. I'm going to go back into my room now. When I come back we'll start the conversation over."

Sora nodded and Tai went back up the hall, turned around and came back down again. 

***

The Palace that Tai had had an awkward encounter with Sora in and the university that Mimi was going to were both located in Tie, the capital of Ty. If you walked about a hundred miles north, you would come into the Kingdom of Ju-Ju-Hick. If you kept going you'd come to the city of Ju-Ju. Ju-Ju-Hick was a very small Kingdom, but many different kinds of people lived there. One of these people was a boy genius, Izzy. He was modifying an invention that had brought Ju-Ju-Hick great wealth. This scene takes place in Ju-Ju laboratories.

"Well, I think this should do it." The boy said to his assistant. 

"What is the new material that you are using?" The assistant asked.

"I call it, latex!" Izzy said with pride.

"Latex? How is this new substance better than wood?"

"Well it's really simple. Latex stretches, allowing you to fit "it" on any size."

"And why should "it" not be made of wood?" 

"Wood hurts the girl a lot more and the boy wouldn't feel anything."

"Izzy you never cease to amaze me. What are you going to call "it" "

Izzy took a deep breath and beamed with pride at the little package he was holding in his hand, "I call it, the condom!" 

The assistant clapped his hands with delight. This was a wonderful invention! Everyone was going to want one! Ju-Ju-Hick would gain a lot of gold through this little condom. They would sell one to every male on the street. The only kingdom that would not have one would be Ju-Ju-Hick's mortal enemy: Aros. 

After doing a little dance of delight, which consisted in slamming his head against the table numerous times, Izzy began tying the condom to a messenger pigeon.

"What are you doing." Said the assistant. 

"I have to have this thing tested, but it's to big and it won't fit on me or on anyone else in Ju-Ju-Hick for that matter. I know just the person who can try it out for me." Said Izzy. The he scribbled something on a piece of paper and tied that along with the condom to the pigeon's leg.

The pigeon bolted out the window and flew south, towards Ty, towards Tie (notice the play on words ha ha ha).

***

****

*WARNING* !Major fluff/romance in the next passage!

Tai and Sora were sitting on a bench outside in the castle courtyard. Tai had broken the ice by now and Sora was confiding in him something she found very hard to talk about. 

"So, why didn't things work out with you and Matt?" Tai asked.

"Well, it's kind of complicated. Part of it had to do with the fact that one day he chased me around the house with a javelin trying to kill me." She said, "But then I found out the shocking truth. Are you familiar with sprite regulations, Tai?" 

"Can't say I am, why?" He asked.

"Sprites can't be...intimate with humans. If I were to sleep with Matt he would turn into a beetle or something." She said.

Tai gulped, "Is there anyway around that?" 

"Unless somebody invents something that allows intercourse without direct contact no." She said. Little did she know that that invention was on its way.

She continued her story, " So anyway, Matt didn't know I was a sprite. I kept it from him because if he found out I knew he wouldn't marry me. So when he _did_ find out, he said the only reason he wanted me was for my-" She broke off because she started crying. 

She buried her face in Tai's chest in order to muffle her sobs. Tai put his arms around her, he felt something he never felt before-sorrow, compassion, love?

"I'm so sorry." He said holding her tighter. She blinked back the tears and looked up at him. 

"Thank you, Tai" Her voice quivered. He held her in a tight embrace for a few more minutes, then she spoke.

"Well, enough about my love-life, let's talk about you. What's the first thing you look at in a girl?" She asked curiously. Tai noticed that she hadn't shifted from the current position they were in. 

He was about to say that the first thing he looks at on a girl are her breasts, but he thought better and said, "I look at a girl's eyes."

Sora raised an eyebrow, "Really?" 

"Yeah." Tai said and he decided that this was the perfect time to say something sweet and sappy. Something he had read in a book somewhere. He looked into her ruby eyes.

"Speaking about eyes" he said looking at her, "I don't think I've ever seen a color like the one of your eyes before. I've never seen a color so deep or so pretty. No, wait, yes I have." 

She fell for it like a worm on a hook, "Well, where did you see that color?" She asked eagerly. He decided to tell the truth, if he recited a line out of a book, he ran the risk of her having read the book already.

"It was two years ago." He began, "I was sixteen. My family and I where on top of the Measly Mountains. Then, when the sun was just about to set, it turned into a beautiful shade of dark crimson, and like magic, the rest of the sky around the it turned into that gorgeous color as well. And..." He stopped waiting to see her reaction. 

"And?" Sora pressed. 

"And I remember just staring at the sun, thinking I was going to go blind, not blind from the light but blind from the beauty of the light. I kept thinking to myself that I would never see something so beautiful or majestic again. But, now that I look at into your eyes, I guess I was wrong."

She turned to jelly in his arms. 

"Tai, that was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me." She muttered. She still hadn't shifted from Tai's embrace.

A little ditty started going through Tai's head it said "Kiss her now you idiot, this is your perfect chance!" But he waited to see what she would do.

She moved to a more comfortable position: sitting on his lap. 

"What else do you look for in a girl." She asked. Her voice was light and dreamy. She seemed to be hypnotized by his words. 

"Well." He said as he ran his fingers through her hair, "you're hair for example, it's so soft and pretty. I love the way the sun shines on it. The way your hair reflects the light makes it look almost blonde. And I can't help but notice when you fly the way the wind plays with your hair. It throws little strands of auburn hair around your pretty face." He said this last sentence while running a finger down her cheek.

She was gone, completely gone. It would take her a while to snap out of the romantic trance that she was in.

"And you know what else?" He asked her. 

"What?" She whispered, she had lost her voice a few minutes ago.

"Your lips." He said, "they're so soft and moist. It almost seems like your pink lips are asking for something, something I hope I can give them." 

At this point if Tai said anymore she wouldn't have heard it. Her eyes fluttered closed and her arms found their place around his neck. Her cheeks blushed, and then their lips melted into a warm kiss. 

He kissed her soft lips again and again. The two teenagers were both in heaven.

After a while Sora broke the last kiss and sad expression crossed her face. 

"What's wrong?" He said.

"I can't." She muttered, "You're a human and I'm a sprite. It'll never work." 

At that moment a pigeon flew by and dropped a piece of paper and a small package in Tai's hand. 

Sora took the piece of paper while Tai curiously opened the package.

Two seconds later, they looked at each other and a warm smile appeared on Sora's face while a broad grin spread across Tai's.

***

****

End of sappy romance. Now Mimi is going to go James Bond style.

It was midnight. Mimi was prowling around in the long dark halls of the university. She was looking for a book that Homo Sexual was keeping secret. Her blind pigeon had brought her a message (after crashing into three trees) from the King of Aros that Homo was keeping something of drastic importance in a book called 1,2 Skip, and 3.

So here she was, sneaking around barefoot as not to make noise, trying to find Homo's office in the dark. She was still enraged about the way he had touched her earlier that morning. How _dare_ he touch an ASS investigator. He was going to pay, she thought but first she had to get the book.

She made her way down the hall and to her relief, found Homo's office without a problem. She went in slowly, trying not to make the door creak. In the pale moonlight, she managed to see the various books spread around on the desk. It took her five seconds to find the book she wanted. 

"Here this is it! This was way too easy." She exclaimed. The she froze. She heard a scream down the hall, a paralyzing heart wrenching scream that died down almost as quickly as it came. She was shaking with fear. But then she felt the bulge in her pocket. A knife and a small piece of parchment signed by the King of Aros, it was a license to kill. If a murdered was lurking in the building, she would be safe with her knife. 

Soon after the scream she heard footsteps coming her way. She looked around for a place to hide, but the desk was to small to crawl under and there were no other hiding places. She spotted a book shelf at the end of the room. Oh well, it would have to do. She scrambled up on top of the bookshelf a second before the door opened and two men walked in.

One of them she recognized, he was Homo Sexual and he was carrying a candle. Good, she thought. At least it was still dark and he couldn't see her if he kept the candle away from the bookshelf. The other man was a stranger to her.

"Well Carl," Said Homo to the man, "I want you to deliver this message to Harry." 

"Why don't you get a pigeon to do it for you?" Asked Carl (that was the other man's name.)

"Because it's too risky, someone could intercept it. Plus I want, you to memorize this message instead of writing it on parchment because it could be stolen."

"Alright Mr. Sexual you're the boss." Said Carl.

At that point Mimi slipped a little off the shelf. The shelf was high but it was built on a slant so she was finding it more and more difficult to hold on. She lay on the shelf as still as she could not daring to breath. Homo looked back suspiciously but then ignored whatever sound she had made. She was still safe. 

"Ok Carl this is the message, '_Nobody knows about the powers of the folk dances yet. It is confirmed that if a human does a folk dance in front of an Org the Org will go crazy and suffer a sever case of chronic crapping disorder in which the Org will explode. The folk dance also had another purpose, which is described in the book 1,2,Skip, and 3._'__Mimi clutched the book to her chest with one hand while holding onto the shelf with the other, she was slipping.

Homo continued, "_Also, I've sent my best spies to search for Tk. He has not been found but rumors say that he is lodging in the palace of Ty in the city of Tie. _Can you remember all of that Carl?"

"Of course." Said Carl, "I've been specially trained. I could recite to you everything you said since you walked through that door."

"Very good, now I need you to go to the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. Go to Blackball and give the message to an Org called Harry Penis." 

Carl's eyes widened, "But the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs is off limits!" 

"So what, you're a criminal aren't you? Now start running I want Mr. Penis to have that message by tomorrow." Homo snapped.

"Yes, Mr. Sexual." Grumbled Carl and he bolted out of the room. His footsteps died away almost instantly.

Homo stretched, "Oh dear, I feel bad that I had to kill that student in the hall, but nobody has to know about my deal with Harry." With that he made for the door.

That was just about the time that Mimi couldn't hold on to the shelf any longer, her hand slipped and she came crashing from the bookshelf onto the desk. The desk buckled and gave way under her weight and she tumbled to the floor. 

Homo just stood there with his mouth open. Mimi didn't hesitate to pick up a paperweight she found on the desk and hurl it at Homo. The weight got him in between his eyes and he fell like a sack of potatoes. 

Mimi got up, mumbled something about her hair being out of place, and snatched up the book. She looked at Homo and thought that at least he wouldn't remember what happened after he woke up. Then she took off and darted down the hall and didn't stop running until she got to her room. There, she wasted no time in lighting a candle and promptly leafing through the book she had just stolen. What was the other purpose of the folk dances. She almost laughed out loud when she found it. 

The book read: _After having mastered a complete course in folk dancing 1, 2, skip and 3, sexual needs can and will be fulfilled._ _If a female were to perform a folk dance before sexual intercourse, the chances of an increased pleasurable climax would be guaranteed. _

Mimi rolled her eyes, that was it? Folk dances made sex feel better. It would have to be confirmed though. If Folk dances gave an Org chronic crapping disorder, how could it also improve sex? Fortunately, she knew just the girl that could confirm this information for her. 

She whistled and her blind pigeon flew through the window, crashed into the desk, and sat up perched on her shoulder waiting for the message. She wrote down what the book said and she also wrote asking if the person she was sending this to would have sex to confirm the information. She knew that the receiver would be happy to oblige.

"Ok you blind bird, bring this to Sora and try not to crack your head open on the wall ok?" Mimi said. As if the bird understood, he flew through the window without crashing into a wall, but he did crash into a tree. 

***

Sora walked up into the guest chambers in the palace of Ty. Tai had invited her to spend the night. She was just about to go to bed when a bird flew through the window and slammed into her head.

"Ouch! What is this, oh you're Mimi's bird aren't you." She said taking the message. She watched the bird fly back through the window and crash into another bird before flying home. Sora read the message and her eyes went wide.

"Wow, really? Well I guess I'll try." She muttered. And she began to twirl and jump sanding on the bed. 

As she performed the folk dance, Tai walked into the room wearing only a towel around his waist. The sight of Sora skipping around like a fairy made him drop his towel. She was so startled when he walked into the room that she quickly made up an excuse.

"I was just doing my Yoga." She said, then she realized that Tai was naked and she almost fell off the bed. 

Tai blew the candle out, and put on Izzy's invention. And, well, you can imagine the rest. Oh and by the way, the folk dance that Sora did before the action really did work. But enough invading on their privacy now, let's leave them alone. So Tai and Sora were left undisturbed to their love-making until about 7:00 in the morning when Kari found them both naked in bed. This is going to be tough to explain, thought Tai.

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Well how was it? In chapter four I'll introduce Matt and Joe and there will be more takari. Unfortunately, this chapter will be the only chapter in the fic that has taiora. I don't want to push the taiora thing too far because it might lose it's charm. So I hope you'll look forward to the next few chapters, they will be funnier than this one because this one was mainly dedicated to taiora. But this is a takari fic, so on to the next chapter!

Oh yeah please R/R, I love reviews HINT, HINT. Bye.

Should the fic be funnier, scarier, more intellectual? If you think so, e-mail me: Capz087@aol.com

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	5. A Familiar Stranger

Hi all. This is chapter four (not five, it says that because chapter one was the forward). Anyway, you know the deal, takari, taiora in chapter 3, if you don't like these couples than just skip over the fluffy stuff. Hope you like.

Disclaimer: Nope, digimon is not mine, but the plot and any other characters are mine. 

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Chapter 4

A Familiar Stranger

Matt wiped the sweat off his face, the sun was hot and he didn't like working in this kind of weather. He was trying to close a bag over-stuffed with clothes and personal belongings. The clothes he was putting into the bag were the ones he used to wear when he was a member of the Blubber-Stitch. The Blubber-Stitch was a clan of mountain dwelling people with blond hair and blue eyes. Despite his appearance, Matt didn't feel he belonged in the clan. He didn't like the religion, which was called the Way of the Blubber, which forced him to eat only mushrooms (he hated mushrooms) and sacrifice monkeys by throwing them of cliffs.

So here was Matt, at the western most side of the Kingdom of Ty, on top of the highest mountain of the Measly Mountains, in the domain of the Blubber-Stitch. He was talking to the leader of the Blubber-Stitch, Mrs. Sandy Buttocks. Well, Matt wasn't actually talking, his interpreter was. After Matt tried to kill Sora, she put a curse on him, which caused a pimple to appear on his privates every time he pronounced the letter "s". 

In Matt's defense, he was simply following the ritual that every man in the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty was forced to follow. A Ty male had to periodically beat the crap out of an Aros female. Those were the rules. Plus she had lied to him. She had told him that she was a human, but in fact she was a sprite. So whose, wrong here? When they broke up, Sora had a broken heart, but now she has Tai. Matt was forced to take a vow of silence since he could never speak again. Who does he have now, his interpreter?

Anyway, he was talking to Sandy Buttocks because he was planning on leaving: for good.

"Matt, I understand that the Way of the Blubber may be a difficult religion to grasp at first, but once you do, you will have the most sophisticated mind ever." Sandy was telling him.

Matt responded in sign language, his interpreter spoke, "Mrs. Buttocks, I left this place once to join the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. Shortly after, I got married. When we split up, I came back here simply to reflect upon my life. Now I wish to take my belongings and leave for good."

Mrs. Buttocks glared at him, "Matt, I can't let you leave to join the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty, if I did, it would be like giving you to the enemy. If you do decide to leave, you understand that the Blubber-Stitch will have to go to war with Ty."

Matt gestured with his hands impatiently; "I don't want to cause any wars!"

"Then stay here! It's my duty to keep you. I've been paid to keep you here after they brought you-" She clamped her hands over her mouth realizing her mistake. 

"Who brought me here?" Matt's interpreter asked, now actually paying attention to the conversation. 

"Nobody. I didn't mean to say that." Said Sandy.

Matt picked up his bag and waved goodbye. He was going to get some answers and he knew just the place to go: Tie. Despite Sandy's protest she could do nothing to stop him except throwing a mushroom at his face. 

As Matt walked down the twisting winding path of the mountain, he met a boy that wasn't at all suspicious. The boy was wearing black pants, a black shirt, a black hat, and black shoes. His eyes were also glowing with the flames of hell. Other than that the boy was perfectly normal. 

"You can't talk?" The boy asked Matt as he passed by.

Matt shook his head and beckoned to his interpreter, "I was cursed by a sprite." 

The boy scratched is hair (which was not black but blue) "I can help you, come with me."

Matt didn't think it was a good idea to follow a boy completely dressed in black with hell-fire in his eyes, but if he could help him speak again... He followed the boy into a dark black cavern filled with black bookshelves and a black desk. On top of the black desk Matt noticed a bunch of black potions. The boy picked up a potion and said, "drink this." 

Matt hesitated, but in the end he took the small flask and chugged it. It tasted like prune juice.

"Yuck!" Matt shouted, "That was the most disgusting thing..." His face lit up in utter joy and astonishment. "No pimples. I can say "s" I can say "s"!" He jumped around the room singing "_Sally sells seashells by the seashore!_" 

When he finished bouncing around he turned around to the boy, "Oh thank you, thank you. If there is anything I can do for you please ask." Matt said with true gratitude in his voice. 

The boy in black grinned and his eyes flared, "Well, if you can do me a favor."

Matt nodded, "Of course anything you want."

"Good. I need you to...dispose of someone for me. There is a kid from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs who is prowling around in Tie. I need you to kill him." 

Matt's eyes widened, "A kid from the Rancid-Orgs is running around Tie! How horrible! He deserves to die! Anyone in the Rancid-Orgs is forbidden to run around in any part of Ty. But in Tie! The capital! Of course I'll kill him!' Matt wasn't very smart. 

"I knew you'd see things my way. You see, I would gladly kill the kid myself, but I'm forced to stay here in the Blubber-Stitch Clan. Since you're leaving I thought this was the perfect opportunity." Said the boy in black.

"What does the kid look like?" Asked Matt.

"He has blond hair and blue eyes and he is almost fifteen years old. His name is Tk. But there is something you must_ not _do. You can't tell anybody about this, you wouldn't want to spread panic around saying that a kid from the Rancid-Orgs is running around." 

Matt nodded.

"One last thing." Said the boy in black, "Once you've killed him bring the body back to me, it's for a ritual of the Blubber-Stitch."

Matt didn't care to know anymore about the Blubber-Stitch. He would simply kill Tk, come back with the body, and then leave this cursed mountain for good. 

"Tk is residing in the palace of Ty, you'll find him there." Said the boy in black.

"Ok, I'll kill him, my name is Matt." He held out his hand.

The boy in black shook it, "Hello Matt, I'm Joe."

Matt smiled and left the cavern. He was headed toward Tie. Little did he know that was just sent on a mission to kill his own brother by a boy who was working for Harry Penis.

Joe smiled, "Stupid person. That was way to easy, well, if all goes well, when I become ruler of the world I'll make sure he becomes my slave. But now I have to get in touch with Harry and Homo to tell them that everything is going according to plan." That was when Joe realized that Matt's interpreter had heard everything and was gaping with horror in his eyes.

Joe glared at the terrified little man, "I have no use for you . You can't be hearing secret evil plots like this." With that, Joe chucked a flask filled with black liquid at the interpreter. The flask exploded into a giant fireball and the little man was burned to bits. 

Joe laughed in an irritating cackling manner, "Good, now that that's been taken care of, I can lure some other unsuspecting person into my trap, how about Izzy, the boy genius from my homeland." Joe giggled evilly and began writing a letter to Izzy. But before he did, he had to go to an important appointment he had with someone. 

***

Kari ran down the halls with a look of utter astonishment on her face. She had just seen her brother and Sora do something quite intimate. She tried to shake the thought from her head, she had more important things to worry about. 

Tk had been called into the throne room by the King. Kari wanted to spy on the King to see what he was going to say to Tk. Unfortunately the room was heavily guarded. A soldier had told her that the King was talking about a matter of extreme importance and that he absolutely could not be disturbed...

"So Tk have you ever slept with a girl?" Asked the King of Ty.

Tk was shocked, "No Your Majesty, I'm not even fifteen yet!" 

"Oh that's too bad, do you have a girlfriend at least." Asked the King

"No-well yeah I guess." Tk said. He wasn't really sure why the King was asking him these questions.

"Very good my boy. Now be quiet and listen because I have a very long story to tell and it's all about you're life.

"You are almost fifteen right? That makes it almost thirteen years since you have been kidnapped. Yes don't look at me like that. Let me finish. You were living in Ty when you were a wee little boy. Then on one dark day, the Orgs came and raided the palace. They kidnapped you and your brother. Yes you do have a brother although I doubt he is still alive.

"They took you to the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs and have attempted to raise you as a stupid ugly Org. Thank God they didn't. Isn't it strange how destiny works? Yesterday you were in the hands of the most dangerous and feared Org ever, and now, you are back in your homeland.

"As for your brother, the Orgs took him to the Blubber-Stitch. He came back to Ty a few months ago because he married some girl from Aros. But the marriage didn't work out so he returned to the Blubber-Stitch. I haven't heard of him since."

Tk's face was solemn. Why him? Why his brother? Why did the Orgs have to come after his family? What did he have to do with the picture? If the Orgs were going to kidnap someone, why not be someone of great importance. As if the King read his mind, he answered all those questions. 

"Well, my boy, this might be hard for you to take in so please bare with me. The Orgs kidnapped you because...you're the heir to the throne of Ty."

Tk's jaw dropped, "What?!" 

"Yes Tk, I am you're father." The King said. Tk could hardly believe it. No, impossible, it couldn't be true. And yet, whenever Tk looked around the palace, whenever he saw the city of Tie, he got this feeling of belonging. 

"So...what am I supposed to do now, Your Majesty-I mean, dad." 

"Well I suppose we should catch up son, you are after all, the Prince of Ty."

So Tk and his father talked and got to know each other. They talked about Ty and sex and horses and sex and girls and sex and power and sex and being blonde and sex and having blue eyes and sex and family and sex and Orgs and sex. They conversed for three hours and really got to know each other well as father and son. Did I mention that they talked about sex? 

After a while Tk got bored and he really wanted to see Kari. The King said he could leave because Tk had already heard a lot. They would talk more later on. But before Tk left, the King stopped him.

"Wait Tk, one more thing." The King beckoned him to come closer.

"What is it?" 

The King leaned in closely and whispered, "There is just one thing you can't do. You must _not_ tell anybody that you are the heir to the throne."

"Why not?" Asked Tk.

"Because there are people who are trying to kill you for that reason! You mustn't tell anyone because it's too dangerous. Harry Penis's men are looking for you. You have to say low."

"I can't tell anybody?"

The King looked at his son and sighed, "All right you may tell Kari. But tell her to keep it secret. Not even her parents can know." Tk nodded and left.

He found Kari waiting anxiously for him in the hall.

"So what did he say?" Asked Kari.

"I can hardly believe it myself." Said Tk

"What did he say!?"

"He said that, the Orgs kidnapped me because, I'm the heir to the throne."

Kari's eyes bulged out of their sockets, "That's great! Wait till dad hears this!"

"No!" Tk shouted, "you can't tell _anybody_. That's what the king said. It's because there are people working for Harry, he's the org you saw yesterday, who are trying to kill me." 

A worried look crossed Kari's face, "how horrible! Don't worry I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks." Tk said, then just for the fun of it, he kissed her. Kari smiled.

"Do it again." She said, and so he did. She ran her fingers through his neat blonde hair. He gently hugged her and pressed her to him. She broke the kiss and smiled again. 

"You're so sweet Tk." She said.

He didn't have a chance to reply because at that moment she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. He returned the kiss, always softly and passionatly.

Just then, Kari's father ruined the moment, "Kari I need to talk to you!" He yelled from outside. Kari grumbled, if they had been at any other place in the palace they wouldn't have heard him. 

"Coming." She groaned. She reluctantly let go of Tk's body but not before kissing him swiftly on his cheek, "I'll be back." She whispered. 

When she got outside, she found her dad glaring down at her, "He had you in quite a lip-lock there didn't he?" He said angrily. 

Kari blushed, "It's none of your business dad." 

"Oh yes it is my business. If you do recall Kari, you found him coming out of the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs! Do you know what happens to someone who comes into contact with someone from the Rancid-Orgs? It's a total and complete prohibition from alcohol! I will not have my daughter associating with any mysterious young men that come from south of the border!" 

"He saved my life!" Kari said desperately. She was frustrated because she couldn't tell her dad that Tk was the Prince of Ty. 

"Good for him. You know how he saved your life? Because you wandered out of Tie and into the Measly Mountains! That was also against my wishes. You're still in trouble because of that! Now go to your room and stay away from that dirty boy. I have to shine some shoes."

He's not dirty, thought Kari. But she thought better than talking back to her father. Oh well, so she couldn't see Tk, at least when her father was around. So what? It meant she had to see him in secret, it would be a lot more romantic, she thought. 

When she got to her room she noticed that she still had the item that she had stolen form her father's shoe room. She decided to keep it because she might need it. 

***

Mimi Tachikawa, ASS investigator extraordinaire, was very much interested in the criminal life of Mr. Homo Sexual. She had seen him give a very important message to a man named Carl. Something had resurfaced in her mind. Mr. Sexual said something about a boy named Tk. Supposedly Harry's goons were looking for this Tk. She thought about it for a while. She tried to piece together all the information she had. 

1-Homo Sexual was being paid by Harry to keep the fact secret that folk dances, when danced in front of Orgs, cause Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder. 

2-Folk Dances also increase the chances of having an orgasm. 

3-Harry was looking for a boy named Tk (who was probably hiding in Ty palace.)

4-She needed a shower (not really important in regards to the case).

Then she looked at the clock and found out that it was time for her Folk Dancing Class so she hurried out of her dorm. 

When she got back, she found her blind messenger pigeon waiting for her with a piece of parchment tied to his leg. She read the message it said:

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June 4rth, 786

**Federal Aros Government Letter**

AROS SLEUTH SOCIETY-ASS

Dear Mrs. Tachikawa,

_One of our agents spotted a suspicious blonde boy about the age of 18 climbing down the mountain which holds the Blubber-Stitch domain. He was laughing and singing like an idiot so we dismissed most of what he was saying. However he was muttering something about killing a refugee from the Rancid-Orgs. We believe this has a lot to do with your case. The strange blonde boy was heading in the direction of Tie. We want you to momentarily interrupt what you are doing in the university and follow this boy. _

Simply spy on the boy and take all necessary measures to insure the safety of the people. Remember, you have a license to kill. 

Finally, we strongly believe that this blond boy is somehow connected with Homo Sexual's case. Mimi this is a very important case and we, the Board of ASS , are confident of your abilities. You will crack this case. We will keep in touch. Your messenger pigeon will guide you to the blonde boy. 

Good luck,

Board of ASS

Mimi wondered if her blind pigeon could really guide her to this boy. She pocketed the message.

"Ok you dumb bird, I guess I'll have to name you, how about Fido?" The bird responded by falling off her shoulder. 

"Alright Fido, lead me to this blond person!"

***

Joe was tired. He had walked all the way from the Blubber-Stitch in Ty to the south of the border. He had to go to Blackball to talk to Harry. When he reached the gates of Blackball, deep in Butt-Crack Canyon, he saw another man walking towards the ugly city.

Strange, thought Joe. Why would another human come down here? The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs was off limits, and there were strict punishments for people who ventured down here. Joe stayed behind to see what the man would do. 

He followed the man into Blackball, and to Joe's surprise, the man went straight to Harry Penis's house. Harry didn't seem to be in a very good mood, but the man stood his ground:

"I have a message from Mr. Homo Sexual." Said the man.

Harry's face lit up, "ah very good, please come in. Would you like a cannonball? 

"Umm. No thanks, I have to stay light, it's a long walk."

"Fine, fine." Harry waved his hands impatiently, "so what's the message?"

The man recited what Homo had told him, "'_Nobody knows about the powers of the folk dances yet. It is confirmed that if a human does a folk dance in front of an Org the Org will go crazy and suffer a sever case of chronic crapping disorder in which the Org will explode. The folk dance also had another purpose, which is described in the book 1,2,Skip, and 3._'__

"Yes, I know of the second purpose." Said Harry, "go on."

" _Also, I've sent my best spies to search for Tk. He has not been found but rumors say that he is lodging in the palace of Ty in the city of Tie." _

Harry thought for a while, "Ok thank you, err.. what's your name?"

"Carl."

"Ok Carl. Take this gold back to Homo and thank him. Tell him that Operation Rip Apart will commence on June 16, Tk's birthday. If Tk isn't found by then, he'll surely die during the Operation like the rest of the people living in Ty."

Carl nodded, "Yes Mr. Penis. I'll make sure Mr. Sexual gets the message." And he raced out the door with the gold.

Joe walked in a few seconds after Carl walked out. Harry looked surprised and was about to speak but Joe cut him off.

"Don't worry Mr. Penis I heard everything. Listen, I have a person working for me that is looking to murder Tk as we speak." 

A huge toothless grin spread across Harry's ugly face, "very good Joe. I have a favor to ask you.'

"What is it?"

"One of my spies tells me that there is a female ASS investigator who is on to us. I believe she goes by the name of Mimi Tachikawa. My spy intercepted her messenger pigeon, (he let the pigeon go afterwards of course) and found out that she is on to a suspicious blond boy."

Joe's eyes widened, "That's the person who I told to kill Tk!"

Harry burped, "then the situation is worse than I thought. Listen to me Joe and listen loud and clear. I want that girl dead. She is about to jeopardize the entire mission! I want you to kill her, dead, caput, I don't want to hear about her anymore!" 

Joe nodded, "Don't worry I'll kill her. But first let's go over the plans."

Harry sighed, "Ok. Once Operation Rip Apart is unleashed, all of Ty will be completely destroyed by the power of our farts. Once that happens, you will rule everything north of the city of Tie and I will rule everything south of the city of Tie."

Joe smiled, "good. Well, I believe I have an appointment with a certain...Mimi." And he and Harry laughed like to constipated weasels. 

When Joe left, Harry unleashed a massive fart that blew a two foot hole into the ground. Stupid boy, he thought. Joe didn't know that as soon as Harry stopped using him, Harry would kill him. 

So: Matt is following Tk, Mimi is following Matt who is trying to kill Tk, Joe is following Mimi who has a license to kill and will probably kill Matt, and Joe is trying to kill Mimi...weird. 

***

It wasn't until late afternoon that Matt reached the palace of Ty. Unfortunately for him, there were a lot of blond people there (including himself), so he was forced to ask around if anybody knew a Tk. Even more unfortunate, he wasn't allowed in the palace because a certain somebody was being kept in there. Matt would have to sneak in. 

Just when he was about to climb up a vine (pretty stupid because he was still in broad daylight) three people exited the palace to go shopping. One of them he recognized and he fell off the vine. He went closer in order to see better. There was a girl with short brown hair holding hands with a boy who had blond hair. Then he saw her, the bitch, the slut, the whore who had cursed him.

"Sora!" He screamed with icy hatred.

Sora spun around and stared with shock horror, "Matt! You can say "s"?"

"Yesssss I can sssssssay "sssss"." He said, "A boy was nice enough to remove the curse."

"That's too bad. What are you doing here?" She said under gritted teeth.

"None of your business!" 

At this point, a very clueless Kari tugged at Sora's sleeve, "Sora, who is that?" She whispered. 

"My ex-husband, you can call him dick." She said. 

Matt looked at Kari and his expression changed completely, "oh hello Kari! I remember you from the wedding. Nice girl really, this young man must be your boyfriend." He looked at Tk, "So what's your name?" 

"I'm Tk."

Matt's eyes bulged out of their sockets. He couldn't believe his luck!

"Well I'm going. I'd rather not be exposed to you, goodbye!" Sora said. She grabbed Kari's arm and yanked her back into the palace, where she knew Matt couldn't follow her. 

Tk didn't follow however. There was something he saw in Matt that he couldn't place. Matt also had the same feeling. What was it. How did this complete, stranger seem so familiar? 

"Do I know you?" Asked Matt.

"I doubt it but you do look familiar." Said Tk

Matt nodded but then he realized why he was there and his spirits sank. He felt his knife in his pocket. If he did it now no one would notice and he still could get away.

"What's that?" Said Matt pointing behind Tk. Tk turned around and Matt raised the knife into the air, ready to plunge it into his brother's back.

At that very second, a female voice rang through the air, "STOP!!"

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Ha ha ha ha, so bad of me to leave you hanging like that! Don't worry, I'll get chapter five up soon. I hoped you liked it. As always, more Takari and humor in the next chapter. 

Remember to R/R. Ciao. 


	6. Mimi's Moment to Shine

Hello. This is chapter 5 (6 if you include the forward). This chapter might be a bit short. I hope you guys like this series I'm writing. I'm putting a lot of effort into it, and when I am done, I'll try to regain what is left of my sanity. 

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, only the plot and any other characters other than the digidestined are mine.

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Chapter 5

Mimi's Moment to Shine

"STOP!"

Matt looked around just in time to see pigeon fly into his face. When he had finished coughing up the feathers, he found a girl with light brown hair wearing some sort of uniform glaring down on him. 

Tk turned around and found himself confused and at a loss for words. What had just happened? A bird flew into the face of Tk's murderer. This was going to be a long day.

Before Matt could react, Mimi ran up to him and swiftly removed the knife from his hand.

"What's your name?" She said in a voice with so much authority that Matt was intimidated by it. 

"Matt Ishida" He slurred. What was wrong with him? Was he afraid? Was he afraid of this girl that had so quickly made him helpless? 

"Very well, Matt Ishida. You are under arrest for attempting murder, for carrying a weapon without a proper permit, and for urinating into a basket." Matt gulped. How did she know that he pissed into a basket just a few minutes ago before he came here? What was he going to say?

"Well when you have to go you have to go." His voice was shaky. Why was he so scared?

"Save your pathetic theatrics for the court, you're coming with me." She grabbed his arm.

"Wait a minute? Under whose right to you have to arrest me? Who are-" He was about to ask her but she stopped him and flashed out a card.

"Mimi Tachikawa. ASS Investigator." She beamed. She wasn't supposed to look proud, but she couldn't help it. 

Meanwhile, Sora had walked out of the palace to see what all the commotion was about. When she saw it she laughed.

"Oh my God this is hilarious!" She said talking to Matt. "Not only are you the filthiest, dirtiest, most repulsive scum-sucking worm in the world, you're also a criminal!"

Matt tried to hide his face. For the first time he remembered why he was here. 

"Wait a minute!" He shouted, "wait a minute I'm not the criminal. HE is." He said pointing to Tk. Tk was now absolutely lost, "what's going on? He asked.

Mimi was about to hit Matt over the head and drag him off to prison but something stopped her from doing it. Why did he think that Tk was the criminal? Slowly, the case began to open up in her eyes. Little by little, it was all coming together. 

"Hold it." She said, "why did you say she that Tk was the criminal?" She asked Matt.

"Because that's what Joe told me! Joe said that Tk was a refugee from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs, when he asked me to kill him I said yes. Wouldn't you kill a refugee from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs?" Matt said desperately.

Then, suddenly, it was as if a light bulb turned on above Mimi's head. It all made sense now! She had cracked it! 

"I've got it!" She said, "quickly everybody, to the palace. I have a lot of things to explain. 

When they got back to the palace, Mimi asked if she could have an audience with the King of Ty. Apparently, the King had nothing better to do so he granted her wish. Once they were all there, the King, Mimi, Sora, Matt, Tai, Tk, and even Kari, Mimi began to explain:

"Ok, where do I start? You guys are familiar with Operation Rip Apart right?"

The King shook his head.

"Oh boy." Said Mimi; "Operation Rip Apart is the plan that Harry Penis is using to completely pulverize Ty. But in order to do that, he needs to make sure that Ty has no defenses against him. The most powerful defense Ty has is its political government. Without a King, Ty would fall. So since he can't kill the current King, he has to make sure that there is nobody alive to inherit the throne. So he kidnaps the Prince of Ty and his brother. 

"So, this seems to be a perfect plan right? Well, at the University of Ty, there's a course on folk dances. The folk dances are taught by a man called Homo Sexual. Harry knows that folk dances cause Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder. He doesn't want Homo to leak that information, so he pays Homo a nice some of gold to keep his mouth shut. 

"Harry has somebody else to pay too. After he kidnaps the brother of the heir to the throne, he has to put the brother into a very bad place, hence, the Blubber-Stitch. So he gives the brother to Sandy Buttocks, the leader of the Blubber-Stitch, and pays her to keep the brother away from the palace. 

"In conclusion, if you put it all together you get this: Harry wants to control the Kingdom of Ty, but he has to get rid of the heir to the throne first. Tk here, was kidnapped and brought to the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. Matt, on the other hand, came here from the Blubber-Stitch Domain. This can only mean that they are brothers and that Tk is the heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Ty!"

Everyone applauded in amazement, except for the King. 

"I knew that." He said.

"Mimi stared wide eyed, "Then why didn't you tell us?" 

"Because it's so much nicer to have things figured out for yourself." 

Mimi scowled, "with all due respect Your Majesty." And she knocked him out. 

"I fooled all of you!", Mimi shouted, "You all thought that I was a ditzy stuck-up air-head but I proved you all wrong! Now we have to hurry and prepare. There is no telling when Harry is going to launch Operation Rip Apart. We are going to have to stop him! When the king comes around we'll ask him what to do."

They all nodded. Sora couldn't help but smile when Mimi said that she had proved them all wrong. She had known Mimi since they were little. They were best friends in Aros and they still were now. Sora sensed a strange feeling about Mimi, it was a feeling she had when she met all, would-be heroes.

Well, she thought, with her magic, Mimi's skills, Tai's swordsmanship, and Matt's err.. never mind, they could surely find a way to beat Harry Penis and his ugly band of farting Orgs. As soon as the King came around, they would all embark and a mission that would test their skills, their courage, their intelligence, and blah, blah, blah you've all heard those phrases before.

There was still something that was bothering Mimi, however. Matt said that a person named Joe had sent him to kill Tk. Who was this Joe, she would have to find out. But first, she really needed a shower.

***

Little did Mimi know that Joe was on his way. He had stopped to camp out for the night and as soon as he woke up tomorrow, he would kill Mimi. Unfortunately for him though, he didn't light a fire after he went to sleep so he might get eaten by a bear. 

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Sorry if this chapter was so short, but you'll see why when you read the next one. Did you like it? The next chapter will involve...hey, why don't I just give you the name of the chapter and I'll let you figure out the rest: Ch. 6-I fell in love with the girl I'm supposed to kill.

Once again, please R/R but be nice and no flames. Au revoir. 


	7. I Fell in Love with the Girl I'm Suppose...

Hi! Wow Chapter six already, it seems like I only started writing this fic a week ago...oh wait I have. Well anyway I hope you enjoy. As always the fic is 30% Takari, 20% Taiora, and the other 50% is just stupid. Ha ha ha, j/k. Hope you like my jokes. The end of the fic will contain my opinion on terrorism.

Disclaimer: Again? Oh well digimon is not mine but everything else in this fic including plot and other characters are mine.

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Chapter 6

I Fell in Love with the Girl I'm Supposed to Kill

The position of the King of Ty was probably the most respected and honored in all the Kingdoms. Even the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs can't help but be impressed by the past Kings' dynamic personality and charismatic leadership. So a simple question comes to mind: why is it that the current King is such a bumbling idiot?

Ty is the Kingdom of the new world, written under the ideals that every human has the rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. So shouldn't the leader of the free world rule the Kingdom with wisdom, power, and most importantly, love for the Kingdom and the people? Why is it that the current King, who would lose to a legless porcupine in a game of hopscotch, is so stupid? I am by no means making an allegory between Ty and the United States and the King with President Bush...

The good thing about this is that there could be a person with a much more charismatic leadership that will replace the King. But who? The first person who comes to mind is Tk, but unfortunately, that is impossible. Why you ask? Well, because Tk really doesn't know anything about the Kingdom of Ty. Sure, he is a citizen of Ty, but that's not enough. If Tk decided to become the King of Ty, he would have to learn the rules, politics, and economic status of the Kingdom, something that would take years of study. Surely Tk wouldn't want to spend half his life at the University of Ty studying the constitution of the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. And even if he did, he would still have to enroll in the KRTT-Knights of the Round Table of Ty. Tk wouldn't know the first thing about holding a sword or riding a horse. 

Worst of all, Tk would have to spend years learning about correct etiquette. He would have to learn the correct way to peal an orange, the correct way to hold his fork, the correct way to walk, the correct way to address peasants, and the correct way to wipe his butt after he does number two.

Although being the King of Ty is the most honorary position in the entire world, Tk is not prepared, and chances are, he never will be. 

So who will inherit the throne? The next candidate is Matt, but he also isn't prepared. Matt does know a little more about the customs of Ty, but there are things about Matt that wouldn't make him worthy enough of King. First of all, Matt has the same problem that the current King has-he's stupid. Plus, Matt was a member of the Blubber-Stitch. This was not something someone would be impressed about. Finally, Matt has a criminal record. He tried to kill his own brother. Sorry Matt, no throne for you.

So the problem persists. Who will inherit the throne of Ty? This was the discussion that the current King was giving to our friends:

"The next King has to be charismatic, dynamic, full of energy, and most of all err... energetic! He has to be a resident of Ty, he must have a full grounding in military tactics, he must have lived in Ty all his life, and finally, he must be a leader, and he must have courage.

"Now, I'm going to send you all on a mission. You must stop Operation Rip Apart. I don't know how you're going to do it though, so you must go north to Ju-Ju-Hick. You'll find a boy named Izzy there. He's a genius he'll tell you how to stop the Orgs. Once he tells you how, go do it. 

"If any of you comes out of this mission alive, you will be inherit the throne as King (or Queen, let's not be sexist) of Ty!"

Tai, Sora, Mimi, Matt, Tk, and Kari all listened attentively. This was their mission. One of them would have to become King/Queen, even though some of them were not prepared. 

"Well." Said Tai, "I guess we're off to Ju-Ju-Hick!" 

"Wait a minute." Said the King. "You're name is Tai right? Good. Tell me Tai, have you applied for the Knights of the Round Table of Ty?"

"Uh, yes I have. Why?" 

"Good. I declare you a Royal Knight." Said the King.

Tai almost fainted, "Oh thank you Your Majesty! Thank you!"

"Ok, ok enough, now get going. Oh you'll need these." The King handed them each a passport. 

So they set off. Well, most of them did anyway. Kari wanted to go to but her father didn't let her. Sora also wanted to go but the King didn't let her because she was not a citizen of Ty, she was from Aros. Mimi also had the same problem, but she told the King what to do and where to go, saying that the King was a sexist pig because he didn't let the girls go on the mission, and she went with the others anyway.

"I'm so pissed at my dad! Why won't he let me go?" Kari was mumbling to Sora after the others had left. 

"Oh don't worry, we will go. I'll find a way. The King can't just keep us here forever." Sora said pounding her fist into her hand. 

"Wait Sora, you can use magic right?" Kari asked hopefully.

"Of course that's it! Quickly Kari, go get me some underwear."

"Huh?"

"Don't ask just do it! I have an idea."

***

Bloody, bruised, and angry, Joe made his way up the busy road towards the palace. When he fell asleep last night, he forgot to light a fire so sure enough, a bear attacked him. Joe had gotten out alive, I wish could say the same for the bear. 

Joe looked at his knife and smiled, he had killed a bear. If he could do that, he could definitely slay Mimi. 

When he finally reached the palace, he saw a group of people walking out. He noticed that one of them was Matt. And another was Tk. Joe was furious. Matt was supposed to kill Tk! Oh well, Joe would have to kill three people today. He was about to chase after them, but he saw a girl race out of the palace to follow them. It was her. Mimi.

He had to think fast. Suddenly he saw that a pigeon was perched on her shoulder. He ran as fast as he could up to her, grabbed the pigeon, and ran into an alley. 

"Hey!" She shouted, "You can't take that! That pigeon has been just like a pigeon to me!" But Joe was already out of sight. 

She grumbled, "Wait up guys." She called to Tai and the others; "some jerk just stole Fido." She ran into the alley and blinked her eyes. It was surprisingly dark here. She felt something strange pang at her heart. Was it fear? Nonsense, she told herself. She was an ASS investigator; all she had to do was find the stupid pigeon.

She made her way deeper and deeper into the alley. When she came to a dead end, Joe attacked, he burst up from a box he was hiding behind and he thrust his arm around her neck. She screamed, and as he raised the knife in an attempt to kill her, his heart skipped a beat. For the first time he looked into her face. 

At first, memories of his childhood came to him. His dad was a kangaroo and he had abandoned Joe and his mother shortly after Joe was born. Joe's mom, crushed after the kangaroo left her, took to the bottle and began abusing Joe. He eventually ran away from home and joined the Blubber-Stitch. Once he became a member, he learned something that was new to him-terrorism. The very word spiraled down his spine and made him laugh with glee. It was there that he learned that if he killed innocent people, he could get what he wanted, or so he thought. 

The Blubber-Stitch twisted and contorted his mind, and pretty soon. He forgot all about love and friendship and his entire life was dedicated to killing people.

But now, as he looked into Mimi's eyes, as she looked into the clarity and sharpness of her eyes, the fear and nervousness she was portraying in her delicate face, his past was completely forgotten. He hand abandoned love, but love hadn't abandoned him. 

He dropped the knife and let her go. Mimi was too stunned and puzzled to even run away.

"Oh Mimi." Joe said, "my life is a twisted and poor excuse for living. I've been abused and wasted away. Wounds have cut me so deep that I fear they will never heal. But now that I look at you, you have filled the void in my life with just one look, and I know that with your love I can carry on. What I'm saying is, Will you marry me, Mimi, and make this poor wretch happy?"

Mimi stared wide-eyed, "Uh, no. First of all I'm not attracted to men covered in blood wearing nothing but black. Second, I don't even know you; you have to earn _my _love. Third, you tried to kill me a few seconds ago, you think I'd marry my assassin? Finally, I don't like your eyes, it looks like you have fire in them.

"Over here Fido." She called to the bird. Fido was trying to go to her but he kept on flying into the walls of the alley, when he did finally reach her, she was surprised that he didn't split his skull open. 

She turned to leave, but she remembered something she had heard about a man with fire in his eyes. Suddenly she turned around shocked.

"You're Joe the Terrorist aren't you?" 

"Well, yes but-"

She cut him off,

**THESE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT LINES IN THE WHOLE STORY:**

"You're a terrorist? You make me sick. Who do you think you are? Terrorism, you know what that is? Killing. Kill, kill, kill, kill for the sake of killing. Kill for the sake of blood-shed. What do you think you can accomplish with the death of so many people! Huh? Tell me, what are you trying to prove by killing innocent people. Not just men, terrorism doesn't discriminate, even women and children. You and all the other filthy worms that call themselves terrorists mercilessly kill women and children.

"You make me sick. Use your head! Words, talk, discuss, that's how you'll solve you're problems, not through the death of innocent people! If you continue on killing, it will just be an endless chain of death and unhappiness."

*Everyone stands up and applauds* ****

"Come on Fido" She said, "Let's go." 

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So? How was it? Did you like it? Was it funny, boring, interesting? You tell me, R/R. Chapter 7 will be up soon. Sorry if this was also a bit short, 7 will be longer. Bye. 


	8. GasX

What's up everybody! This is chapter seven, although on the link it says chapter eight, what does it matter, numbers aren't important, at least in this fic. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: How many times have I said this? Digimon is not mine. The plot, title, and other characters are. As always I hope you like and don't forget to review.

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Chapter 7

Gas-X

Kari ran down the stairs of the palace of Ty. She had to meet Sora. The two girls were planning to escape from the palace and join Tai and the others on their mission. It was about mid-day. The others had left just a few hours ago. She really needed to hurry.Kari found Sora out in the palace courtyard. The courtyard had a low wall, which could be climbed easily, except for the face that it was littered with guards equipped with bows and arrows. 

"Did you get them?" Sora asked when Kari arrived.

"Yup, here they are." Said Kari pulling out two thongs, "Now tell me, why did you ask me to bring underwear?" 

"Because I need them for a spell. They will help us get out of here unseen."

"How?" 

"Stop asking questions! You'll see for yourself. Now quiet I have to remember how to do this." Sora placed both garments on the ground beside her and she knelt down. Kari watched her do this with vivid curiosity. Sora got on all fours placing her hands on the thongs. Then she started muttering words and phrases that Kari couldn't understand. It was probably some ancient language that was forgotten centuries ago and that was kept alive only by the few magical humans left on the planet. Later she learned it was German. 

When Sora was done, the thongs withered and fluttered and finally became translucent, you could almost see through them.

"Ok, that should do it." Sora said getting up. She handed one to Kari. 

"What happened to them?" 

"I turned them into invisibility thongs. Let's go upstairs and put them on, then I'll teach you how to use them."

Once they were in Kari's room and they made sure that all the windows were closed and the doors were shut, Kari put the thong on. 

"Ok. Now slap your ass." Said Sora.

"Are you serious?!"

"Just do it! But look in the mirror while you're doing it."

Kari shook her head in disbelief but she did as she was told. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and slapped her rear. Then she gazed in astonishment: her reflection began to fade until there was nothing there! She was looking right through herself. She tried waving, jumping, sticking out her tongue, but to her amazement, she was no longer there.

"You've become invisible." Said Sora, "Now slap your butt again."

She did and her reflection appeared in the mirror again. 

"That's awesome! How does it work?"

Sora smiled, "Magic." 

"Ok then, shall we go." Sora nodded and they both slapped their rear ends. It took them a while to get organized though:

"Kari where are you?"

"Over here?"

"Where? Give me directions."

"I can't see you. How can I give you directions if I can't-"

The two girls bumped into each other.

"Ok." Said Sora, "We'll hold hands. Whatever you do don't let go of my hand. If you do we'll get lost and we might not find each other, you wouldn't want to appear out of nowhere in public. Also people can't see you but they can hear you, so you still have to be quiet. Most importantly, _don't_ bump into anyone."

Kari nodded, but then she realized that Sora couldn't see her nod so she said, "Ok I got it. We need to hurry."

They unlocked the door and slowly made their way back to the courtyard. It was difficult climbing up the outer wall holding hands, but in the end they managed. And soon, they were headed north. 

Kari didn't run into to much trouble. She bumped into an old man once but he didn't seem to notice and he just said, "Beg your pardon." Her hand also slipped from Sora's grasp. Kari had panicked and grabbed at the air until she found Sora again and they continued walking. They didn't want to run because the pace could change and one of them could trip, then how would they find each other. 

It was to late to realize what a big mistake Sora had made by heading towards 

Ju-Ju-Hick, by the time Sora did realize her mistake, she couldn't tell Kari because if she spoke, other people would hear and wonder where the voices were coming from. she would have to wait until the evening.

***

Carl was a messenger hired by Homo Sexual. Homo was a professor who taught medieval folk dances at the University of Ty. He was being paid by Mr. Penis to keep his mouth shut. Homo wasn't allowed to tell anybody that folk dances caused Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder. 

Anyway, Carl had just delivered a sum of gold to Harry and was about to take a break from his job when he spotted a group of five teenagers walking towards the northern gates of the city. At first, Carl didn't pay any attention, but he spotted a boy that looked younger than the rest. Carl remembered one of the previous messages that Harry Penis wanted delivered to Homo: "100 pounds of gold to whoever kills Tk, blonde hair, blue eyes, about 15 or so, residing at the palace of Ty."

Carl also found out, through the aid of criminal friend, that Tk was the kid that Harry had kidnapped twelve years ago. Why this young teen was so important Carl didn't know, but he did know that 100 pounds of gold was a lot of money. More money than he had ever seen. Maybe he could kill Tk. Well, Carl wouldn't kill Tk himself, that would be too difficult. He could get someone to do it for him. Carl knew a lot of people in the criminal business. But for now, he would just follow these people, who knew what they were up to. Maybe he could aid Harry Penis with information. If Carl did extra work, he was sure it would bring extra gold. Isn't it strange how money changes people?

So Carl decided to follow them. He pulled his cloak way up to his nose and he stole a hat from a little boy. He could pretend to be a spy. Nobody would notice him...

***

"Have you noticed that that man had been following us ever since we passed the University?" Asked Tai. They were almost at the northern gates. 

"Yes I have and I don't like him." Said Mimi, "I don't recognize him but I know I've seen him before." She had spied on Carl and Homo a few nights ago at the University. 

"Well, what harm can he do? You're a Royal Knight if worse comes to worse I'll just kill him." Matt said.

"You mean _I'll_ just kill him or Tai will just kill him. I have a license and he's a Knight. You have no right to bare arms." Mimi said. She didn't particularly like Matt, one reason was because he had tried to kill his own brother, the second reason was that she thought he was kind of dumb.

When they got to the northern gates, they asked the guard in what direction Ju-Ju-Hick was. He said to just keep following the signs that said, 'To Ju-Ju-Hick'...duh.

When they left the city, Mimi slapped her head, "Oh my God how could I be so _stupid!_" She said.

"What's the matter?" Asked Tk.

"I'm from Aros. I can't go to Ju-Ju-Hick they'll kill me! Besides, it's against the law for someone from Aros to go to Ju-Ju-Hick." She slumped down and sat on the ground. 

"Can't you make an exception?" Tai asked.

"Well, I could write a letter to the government of Aros. I could go in as an ASS Investigator. But I wouldn't get permission until tomorrow." She said.

"Then that's the best you can do!" Tk said, "You'll just have to wait. You've done so much already and you've helped all of us in a huge way. Not to mention the fact that you've saved my life."

Mimi smiled, "Thank you Tk." 

"Yeah, go back to Tie, you'll just get in the way if you come along." Matt said. He got dirty looks from all of them. 

"I for one am glad you're with us. We need someone like you. Besides, we won't be in Ju-Ju-Hick forever so it may be best that you stay in Tie. Maybe you should keep a watch on Homo Sexual." Tk said.

"Thanks again Tk. You're right, I should keep a watch on Homo. But if I get permission from Aros I'm going to see you guys tomorrow!"

"Sure, we'll be back before you know it." Tai said. 

Mimi nodded, "Ok bye!"

"Bye." Said Tai.

"See ya!" Said Tk.

"Stay out of trouble." Said Matt, and they parted. 

Mimi's blind bird, Fido, had gotten confused by the sudden change of direction. When he noticed that Mimi was going back towards the northern gates of Ty, he followed frantically in the fear of losing her. He didn't lose her, but he did smash into one of the huge brass bars that made up the city gates.

"Stupid bird." Mimi muttered. She picked up the dazed pigeon and walked back to the University, she was going to finish her folk dance course. She made a promise to herself that she would make an Org go into chronic crapping disorder soon.

So four became three as Tai, Matt, and Tk continued there journey north towards Ju-Ju-hick. What would become of these three teens? Maybe Tk wasn't destined to become the King of Ty, fate would have something much better for Tk. There would be nothing better than for Tk to be remembered as a hero. 

As for Tai, well, he was a Royal Knight, he would have to prove to himself and to everyone else that he was worthy of his position, although something else much better was also in store for him. 

What about Matt? He would simply have to redeem himself and prove to the world that he was not the big dumb jerk the everyone thought he was. He would prove to Tai that he was just as capable of becoming a Royal Knight, he would prove to his little brother that he was an example and a role model to look up to, and finally he would prove to Mimi that he was potential boyfriend material. He had developed a slight crush on her. 

So the three traveled onward with these ambitions in their heads and in their hearts. They didn't know however, that they were not three but five, Kari and Sora were following close behind, only they were invisible and were waiting for the right moment to pop up. 

***

At the same time, just a few miles south in the city of Blackball, Harry Penis was listening to one of his partners. Or ex-partner as he was about to find out. 

"I've decided to stop working for you Mr. Penis. World domination is not what I've always wanted after all. You see, I've fallen in love and I no longer want to be Joe the Terrorist. I want to be Joe the Lover. The lover of the most beautiful girl in the entire universe!" Joe was saying with a strange glazed look in his eyes. 

"Let me get this straight." Said Harry. Harry was evilest, ugliest, and fattest Org that has ever farted. He would not take Joe's quitting lightly, "You've decided to stop working for me because you fell in love with the girl that I told you to kill."

"That's it." Said Joe, "but I came here to collect the gold that I've earned. I'll have it now please."

Harry almost laughed, "You know, you've got a lot of guts coming here saying that you want to quit and asking for gold from me. Do you know who I am and what I could do to you?" With that, Harry punched Joe so hard that he flew into the wall. After that, he squatted over Joe and unleashed a fart.

Joe felt the shockwaves, they were so powerful it was like receiving another punch. Plus the smell! Words can't describe the putrid green gas the was blasted out of Harry's rectum like dynamite.

Once Joe had recovered, Harry picked him up by the collar and spoke in a voice that was like a thousand needles in Joe's heart, "Did you feel that? That was nothing compared to the real damage one of my farts could do. Now you listen to me. Today is June fifth, Operation Rip Apart will take place on June 16th. You're going to go back to Ty and you're going to kill Mimi, Tk, and anyone else who knows about Operation Rip Apart! If you don't, I'll crap on you. That's not a threat it's a promise! Get going you little squirt and if I don't hear from you in three days, I'll hunt you down and rip your arms and legs off and I'll stuff them down your throat!"

Joe trembled like a baby and he ran Harry's house terrorized.

"Humph," Said Harry, "at least he is totally under my power now." He picked up a bag of gold and kissed it, "ah my money, don't you worry my love, you will never part with me. Harry held the bag of gold in the same way that Tai would hold Sora. This Org was obsessed over the shiny little gold coins. He had only said that he would give away 100 pounds of gold just so someone would kill Tk. Then when Tk's murderer came to collect the gold, Harry would kill him. Incidentally, Harry was paying Homo fake gold. 

He put down the bag reluctantly and brought his mind back to business. He would keep on eye on Joe. He exited the house and walked towards the Blackball Military Base. 

As soon as he entered, all the soldiers farted in respect. 

"General Penis what can we do for you?" Said one of the Orgs.

"I want you to go look after a human. He just left here. Make sure he kills at least three people, and when he is done, I want you to kill him."

"Yes sir!" The Org saluted and burped. 

"Good, now go but be careful. I don't want anyone to see you. 

The Org nodded and lumbered off after Joe. Harry then took a minute to inspect all the soldiers. They were all doing well. They had to eat beans for three weeks straight in order for their explosive farts to work.

"Hey you." Said Harry to an Org that was farting more than usual, "I want you to go to Ju-Ju-Hick and kill everyone that enters the laboratories, clear?"

"Yes sir!" said the Org and he unleashed suck a massive fart that it rocketed him out of Blackball and sent him flying towards Ju-Ju-Hick.b

Harry laughed evilly, just a few more days, he thought, and Operation Rip Apart will begin!

***

It was now midnight. Tai and the boys decided to camp out before reaching

Ju-Ju-Hick. They would get there tomorrow around lunchtime. When everyone was asleep, Kari and Sora could finally show themselves. They slapped their butts and became visible again. 

"Listen Kari," Sora was saying, "I'm not aloud to go to Ju-Ju-Hick because I'm from Aros. You're going to have to go alone. I'm sorry. Keep the underwear though, you'll need it. I'm going to fly to Rosa, the capital of Aros, and I'm going to see if I can get any help. Good luck Kari and please be careful."

Before Kari could say anything, Sora spread her wings and took off. She disappeared instantly in the vast blackness of the night sky. Kari mumbled. She was a scared, nervous, and excited all at the same time, but she realized that everyone else must be to. She slapped her rear again. It was no use in having one of the guys wake up and finding her, Tai would simply drag her back to Tie. 

Now that she was alone, she seriously thought about what would happen if Operation Rip Apart couldn't be stopped. What then? The farts would tear through the Kingdom like missiles and punch out all the defenses like paper. Farts strong enough to crack mountains? This was serious, she finally realized that the only people that knew about Operation Rip Apart, were six teenagers. She definitely was scared, but then she looked at the three boys sleeping, Tk and her brother were there, they must be scared too, but they could take care of themselves, and she knew that they would always protect her.

She sighed and thought about the other girls, where was Mimi now? Probably sleeping at the University. And Sora? She was flying somewhere along the border between Ty and Aros. At last Kari stopped fighting sleep. Sleep came to her and she welcomed it. 

**Next Day, June 6, Around Noon**

The gates to Ju-Ju-Hick, a Kingdom famous for it's ethnic diversity and technology. The most advanced Kingdom of the four, Ju-Ju-Hick was the door to the future. The Ju-Ju laboratories pumped out a new invention every week. If the people here didn't know how to stop Operation Rip Apart, then nobody would.

The three boys (and one invisible girl) entered the city of Ju-Ju and flashed their passports. They walked around the city for a while looking at the sites, but then Tai said that they were here for a reason so they entered Ju-Ju Laboratories.

Tai entered the building and went up to the front desk, a short boy with red hair was writing something there.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find a boy named Izzy?" Tai asked.

The boy looked up, "I'm Izzy."

"Oh good, you remember me right? I'm Tai."

Izzy thought for a second, "Oh yes! Tai of course, you tested my condom. How's it going? What do you need?" 

Tai sighed, "Do you have a minute?" And he began to explain everything. How Tk and Matt are the Princes of Ty, how Homo teaches folk daces that cause Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder, how Mimi cracked the case but was almost killed by Joe the Terrorist, and finally, how Harry Penis plans on destroying Ty with Operation Rip Apart.

When Tai was finished, Izzy was amazed. "That was the strangest tale I've ever heard! Well, it seems to me that Operation Rip Apart is based on one thing: the power of the farts of the Orgs. If we could stop the Orgs from farting, then we could do the folk dances in front of them and cause them to go into chronic crapping disorder."

"That's a great plan, but how do we stop them from farting?" Tai asked.

"Gas-X." Said Izzy, the way he said it made the word sound mysterious. 

At that point, Matt finally spoke up, "Is that the medicine that is found in heavily wooded areas?"

"Yes it is." Izzy said, "But Gas-X is very rare, it can be only found in one of the most dangerous places on earth." 

"Where?" asked Tk.

Izzy's face went pale, "the haunted woods."

Everyone gasped, including Kari. Fortunately they didn't hear her.

"But the haunted woods has-" Tai was about to say.

"Yes I know, the corrupted birds. Not only corrupted in the head but in their intestines too. When the evil Phoenix took over the woods, all of the birds became her slaves. Now nobody ventures into those woods anymore, but if you want to get the Gas-X, you're going to have to go there...alone." Izzy said.

Tai gulped. But then he sighed because he knew it was the only way, "Ok then, I'll go. I'll understand if you guys don't want to come. But I'm a Royal Knight, I have to. The King ordered me to stop Operation Rip Apart and I will!." 

Matt smacked Tai on the back, "Well you're not going alone 'cause both of us are coming with you." Tai saw Tk nodding.

"So am I!" Said Izzy.

"Huh?" Said Tai.

"I'm coming too! I'm the only on that knows what Gas-X looks like. I'm also very smart and there is no telling in what situation you'll need me!"

Tai shrugged his shoulders, "Ok then, I guess you'll have to come along then."

"Yeah!"

If this fic were an RPG game, this is what would happen:

*music*

****

[Izzy has joined the party!] 

As the now four boys and one invisible girl exited the laboratories, a big fat Org stopped them in their tracks. 

"Thanks for telling me your plans for stopping Operation Rip apart." Growled the ugly Org, "Now I can kill you all!" 

Tai was about to unsheathe his sword, but a voice surprised them all.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You big fat stupid Org why don't you just leave." It was Kari.

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Said the Org, "Who's talking? Where are you?" 

"Over here!" The an exploding sound was heard and the Org fell down with a tiny hole in his chest.

"What was that?" Asked Tai in amazement and fear.

Izzy could barely speak, "That was a gun!"  
"What's a gun?"

"The most modern weapon in existence, it's made up of a long shaft and a handle with a trigger, there's also a hole to put bullets in it. Then you pour gunpowder into it and pull the trigger. The explosion sends the bullet flying through the air towards it's target. Soldiers don't use it though because it takes to long to load and to long to pour the powder." Izzy explained.

Before anyone could reply, they heard another sound. It was the sound of hand against rear-end. The to everyone's amazement, Kari appeared in front of them out of nowhere.

"Kari!" Tk yelled, he was surprised and happy to see her.

Tai was also surprised but not very happy, "What are you doing here?"

"I came along. Sora gave me this magical thong that makes me invisible, as you can see I can take care of myself, and I just saved your life. I stole the gun from dad's shoe-shop in case you are wondering how I got it."

"That's nice." Said Tai, "But you can't come along with us. It's too dangerous. Go home and drink some beer or something. You can't come with us, I already have to many people to protect."

"Please let her come." It was Tk. Tai looked at him surprised.

"I promise I'll protect her if we run into trouble," Tk was saying, "and besides I think she can protect herself, she has a gun you know."

Tai gritted his teeth. he was outnumbered.

"Ok Kari, you can come, but under one condition. You remain invisible." He said

Kari jumped up with delight, "Thanks Tai! Don't worry, you won't even know I'm here." With that she slapped her butt and became invisible again. 

After they left Ju-Ju-Hick, Tk felt something grab his hand, it was Kari. She leaned close to his ear so only he would hear her whisper:

"Don't worry, you'll always know where I am." And she kissed him on the cheek. Tk smiled, even though he couldn't see her he knew she was there. Is it the same way with God? Tk thought, you can't see him but you know he is there.

"Ok back to Ty and into the haunted woods." Tai said.

"And I'm coming to." said Kari.

*music*

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[Kari joined the **party!]**

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Ok, that's another chapter finished! Chapter 8 will be up latest by tomorrow. I hope you guys like the speedy service, one chapter everyday! I'm not sure how long the fic is going to be, but I'm guessing around 9-14 chapters. 

Remember to Review, and a big thanks to all those who already have. Bye. 

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	9. The Haunted Woods of DesparFido's Secret

What's up. Sorry if I updated this a little too late. I'm coming closer and closer to the end of the fic. Please remember to Review, I need a confidence boost. 

Disclaimer: Digimon isn't mine, everything else in this fic is. 

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Chapter 8

The Haunted Woods of Despair

Fido's Secret. 

Tai and co. arrived back at Tie early the next morning. It was now June 7th, nine days until Operation Rip Apart. When they got back to Tie, they met Mimi at the University. She had finished her folk dancing course and was now ready to cause an Org to go into chronic crapping disorder. According to her, Homo wasn't behaving suspiciously. They told her that they had to venture far into the haunted woods to get some Gas-X. That was the only way that they could stop the Orgs from farting. 

Kari told them that Sora was on her way with help from Aros. Izzy didn't like the fact that he was working with two girls from Aros, but due to the current situation, this was hardly a problem. Besides, he kind of liked Mimi. 

Unknown to all of them, they were being closely followed by Joe and an Org. Joe had been sent against his will by Harry Penis with the order to kill Mimi. The Org was simply there to make sure that Joe carried out his job. 

Once they were all back in Tie, Tai asked Izzy to tell him everything he knew about the haunted woods of despair.

"Well, I don't know a lot. Legend has it that an evil Phoenix attacked the woods once and turned all the birds into her evil slaves. The Phoenix's nest is nestled deep into the woods guarded by the fiercest eagles she could muster. The Phoenix has special powers of her own too. Many brave warriors tried to vanquish the evil bird, but none of them ever returned. And remember, Phoenix's live forever."

Tai bit his lip, "So how are we supposed to get the Gas-X if it's guarded by an evil Phoenix with slave birds?"

"We have to try! The Phoenix has one weakness, it will fall to a bird more worthy than she." Izzy told them.

"Do we have a bird more worthy than the Phoenix?" Asked Tk.

Mimi looked at Fido perched on her shoulder, "No." She said.

"Well, I can't put all of you at risk." Said Tai. "Mimi, Matt, Kari, and Izzy will come with me. Tk will stay here. You don't have any weapons and I don't want to take any chances." Tai said.

"But-" Tk was about to protest.

"No buts! Go back to the palace and stay there! We'll come back after we have found that Gas-X."

Tk stamped his foot but he did as he was told. Tai was right. What could he do in the woods except get in the way? Mimi was an ASS Investigator, Tai was a Knight, Kari had a gun, and Matt could hold his own in melee combat. He shrugged his shoulders and headed back to the palace.

***

"I don't like this place." Said Mimi as they entered the woods of despair. The trees were so thick than only about 10% of the sunlight shone. It was dark and damp. The ground was littered with millions of tiny bugs and spiders. Most of them were poisonous.

"I don't like it either, but the sooner we get the Gas-X the sooner we can get out of here." Tai said.

"Shh!" Izzy hissed, "do you want to announce to the hole world that we are here? If we're quiet then maybe the birds won't hear us."

"Don't worry, I've got my gun, I can shoot them." Kari said pouring some gunpowder into her gun.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought I told you that you had to stay invisible!" Tai snapped at her. 

Kari groaned but she slapped her ass anyway.

"Will you guys be quiet? I'm trying to look for Gas-X!" Matt shouted.

"Shh! You can look here till the day you die, but you'll never find Gas-X here! It's much deeper in the forest." Izzy retorted.

"Something strange is happening to us." Mimi said. They all looked at her, "it seems that since we've walked into this place, we're all being a lot meaner to each other."

Izzy nodded, "it must be the work of the Phoenix. Let's all be calm down and try to chill out. If we start making a racket then the birds will hear us." He said.

Everyone nodded and they started walking quietly deeper and deeper into the forest. 

"Uh oh." Whispered Matt after about fifteen minutes of walking, "did you hear that." Everyone stopped to listen. There was a faint rustling of leaves and flapping of wings. But the sounds were getting stronger. At that point, Fido began going crazy.

"What's the matter?" asked Mimi. 

"He must sense a disturbance here." Said Izzy.

Then, suddenly, a white pellet fell from the sky and grazed Tai's face.

"THE PIGEON'S ARE ATTACKING! RUN!" He yelled, and they all ran with hands over their heads into the heart of the forest while the pigeons were hot on their pursuit dropping little white bombs from their rectums. 

***

While Tk walked back to the palace, he met someone he didn't want to meet. 

"Joe." He said as Joe and the Org approached him. The Org was squeaking, disguised as a migrating cockroach.

"You're the guy who tried to kill Mimi, you also tricked Matt into trying to kill me! What do you want?" Tk asked with real anger in his voice.

"I don't want anything, but I struck a deal with this Org here. He said he would promise to take you to Harry if he let me go to Mimi alone. I don't want to kill her you see." Joe said.

Tk nodded angrily, "so instead of killing Mimi you've decided to kill me, nice trade off!" 

"Sorry Tk." Joe said. There was something about the way Joe said that. It wasn't in a mocking tone. It sounded like he really felt sorry for Tk.

The Org was about to grab Tk and bring him back to Harry but a voice surprised them all. 

"Too bad for Tk. It seems like I'm not the only one who wants to kill him." It was Carl, Homo's messenger.

The Org farted, "Get away you dumb human. The kid is coming with me."

"Not so fast." Said Carl, "The reward is 100 pounds of gold to whoever kills that boy. I need the money, so I'll kill him."

Tk shrank in fear as the Org and Carl each cornered him. That was when Joe decided he had enough. Enough of his life and enough of terrorism. If this was the last thing he was going to do, let it be a good thing. If I'm going to die, he thought, at least this way I'll go to heaven. 

"Leave him." Joe said at Carl and the Org, they turned around surprised. Joe spread his arms out in front of Tk as if he was protecting him. "If you want Tk, you'll have to kill me first."

Tk was shocked, Joe was putting his life on the line for him. All he could do was watch with terror as Joe fought off Carl and the Org

***

Meanwhile, Tai and the others had reached a dead end in the forest. They were covered from head to toe in bird waste.

"This is the most disgusting, vile, putrid thing I have ever done!" Mimi said trying to string pigeon crap out of her hair.

Matt spat out some bird shit, "Yuck! Well, at least we lost them." He coughed.

Kari made herself visible again. She was shaking off the poop from her clothes, even though she had benn invisible, the birds still got her. Crap had fallen everywhere.

"Hey, is it just me or is it a lot darker here?" Izzy asked. They all nodded in agreement and they looked at the dead end. It wasn't really a dead end, it was a black void. Tai stepped into the void, and suddenly the whole forest was illuminated in hell-fire. Tai gasped.

At the heart of the flames, there lay a huge throne with which there sat a gigantic bird. The bird was guarded by three eagles. Behind the throne, in a shrubbery, there lay a vast amount of little pills: Gas-X. 

"**Who dares venture into the heart of the woods of despair?**" The bird said in a voice so loud that it made Tai's ears ring.

"It's the Phoenix!" Izzy gasped in horror. The Phoenix's feathers were tattered and worn, her beak was crooked and her talons were black, stained with blood.

"**Fools! You have come to the end of you're life! Now you belong to me. Get them!**" The Phoenix yelled to the eagle guards. Before they knew it, Tai, Mimi, and Matt were wrestling with the eagles. Although Tai was stabbing with his sword, Mimi was slashing with her knife, and Matt was delivering clobbering blows, they were losing.

Kari had to do something, she took out her gun and pulled the trigger. The explosion echoed through the forest. She shot the evil bird in the eye. The Phoenix's scream was so loud that Kari thought she was going to go deaf.

Izzy wasted no time, he darted past the throne and ran towards the shrubbery. There, he began to fill his pockets with Gas-X. 

"**You fiends! I'll kill you all with my magic. HELLFIRE!**" The Phoenix yelled with rage. A black flame shot out of the bird's mouth and went straight for Mimi. She screamed but Fido flew in front of her. The flame incinerated the bird completely.

"Fido!" She screamed. Then the Phoenix turned on Tai, but a voice was heard in the forest. 

"Stop you foul beast!" Four flying figures whizzed past Mimi's eyes. Three of the figures attacked the three eagles, they were sprites. The fourth flew in front of the Phoenix, it was Sora. Sora had come with help from Aros.

"You won't curse this forest with you're presence anymore." She said. With that, she began to recite the words of a very powerful spell:

"_Spawned from the powers of evil I can only tell,_

It's because you're a demon that I cast this spell,

Devils, and demons, and other horrors that you know too well,

You were once an angel who from Heaven fell, 

Be gone from the earth, be damned back to hell!"

__After she finished, a powerful light erupted from the sky and opened a fissure in the ground. The light was so bright that Tai had to shield his eyes. When he could open them again, the eagles and the Phoenix were gone.

"Wow Sora, that was pretty cool!" Said Matt.

"You have an uncanny knack for showing up at just the right time." Tai said.

Sora nodded, "Thanks...I'm sorry about you're bird Mimi." She said. Mimi was kneeling next to the pile of ashes that were once Fido. She was crying:

"He saved my life." She said between sobs, "the silly blind pigeon saved my life!" She closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek and fell into the pile of ashes, then something amazing happened. 

The ashes began glowing and then, a beautiful bird rose out of the ashes and began to grow.

"Oh my God!" Said Izzy, "Fido is a Phoenix!"

"But how?" Mimi said shocked.

Sora explained, "It must be some sort of magic. Whenever a corrupted Phoenix kills a bird, the bird will rise out of the out of the ashes and turn into a Holy Phoenix."

"Wow, cool." Tai said in amazement. 

Fido's appearance had changed. He was as big as a dragon and his wings were made up with all the colors of the rainbow. His body burned with white flames which could heal all wounds. He could also shoot Holy Fire from his beak to burn up any fowl creature, such as an Org.

Mimi climbed on top of Fido, "I guess you won't be riding on my shoulder anymore." she said and they laughed. They all mounted on top of Fido and his flames healed their wounds.

"Cool!" Said Matt, "This white fire doesn't burn." 

"Holy Fire, it cures ailments.." Explained Sora.

They were about to take off but Izzy slapped his forehead, "Wait! What about the Gas-X?" He said.

Fido heard and he picked up the shrubbery in his talons.

"Ok let's go to Ti!" Kari said.

"Ti? I thought it was Tie?" Mimi asked.

"No, Ti is the military outpost of the Kingdom of Ty." Kari explained, "they'll know how to turn the Gas-X into a weapon."

"Oh." Mimi understood, "Onwards to Ti then!" She told Fido, and the Phoenix took of and headed towards the military outpost. But Kari spotted something below. 

"Look isn't that Tk?" She said. They all looked and saw Joe wrestling with the Org, Carl was dead.

Fido arched around in the sky and swooped down. He landed and they all got off, "What's going on here?" Tai asked. At that very second, the Org punched Joe so hard that he flew into a tree. 

"Joe." Mimi screamed. She jumped off of Fido and ran to Joe, he was wounded badly.

"Mimi." He said, "I'm glad you're here. I tired to protect Tk, I really did. I did something good, just like you told me too."

"Don't worry, my bird, he's a Phoenix, he can save you-" She began

"No, I've suffered long enough, let me die here and put me out of my misery. Just know one thing Mimi, I've always loved you."

Mimi was crying again, "Joe, I, I love you too."

"Then at least my death is not in vain." He smiled. Then he bowed is head and died.

Mimi looked up at the Org, "you fiend! I'll kill you!" She took her knife out but the Org grabbed Tk.

"Don't move or he dies. The kid is coming with me!" The Org said.

"Let him go!" Kari yelled, she was frantically pouring gunpowder into her weapon. 

As Tk saw what was happening, he finally realized what he had to do. He knew his fate, his destiny. Joe had saved him for a reason, and now Tk knew his own purpose. Tai unsheathed his sword but Tk stopped him.

"No." Tk said.

Tai looked at him shocked, "what?"

"No, let him take me. I have a score to settle with Harry."

"But Tk-"

"Please. This is hard for me too, but I have to go. You'll all understand why someday. But I need to go back to the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs now. I have a mission of my own to complete."

Tai tried to convince him, but Tk wouldn't hear it. Kari looked helplessly at Tk. He looked back at he and for a moment, their eyes met. He smiled and winked at her. Her heart melted. 

"Ha ha ha." The Org laughed, "Stupid kid. Well come on then, Harry is waiting." With that he grabbed Tk and began to fart. The gas propelled them into the sky and rocketed them towards Blackball. 

"What do you think Tk is going to do?" Said Mimi in a worried tone.

"I don't know, but I have faith in him." Said Matt, "He's my brother and I can feel that he has a plan. He is returning to the Org that kidnapped him out of his own free will. I think he know what he is doing." 

"He sure is brave." said Kari with admiration and sadness in her voice. 

"Yes he is." Said Sora smiling.

Mimi nodded and smiled, "Right, we shouldn't worry about him. He wouldn't want us to worry about him. And Joe wouldn't want us to grieve for him either. Now, I believe we were headed towards Ti." 

They all nodded and climbed onto Fido. He spread his wings and was airborne in three seconds, lifting them higher and higher into the sky.

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How was that? What will happen to Tk? Find out in the next chapter: Tk's trial.

I'm having a lot of fun writing this story. I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Well anyway, don't forget to review! Ciao.


	10. Tk's Trial

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IMPORTANT

Hi! Sorry if I haven't updated this sooner but I'm moving to NYC. So I had to start packing and moving a bunch of cardboard boxes from Long Island to Manhattan over the weekend, not exactly what I want to be doing on my Labor Day weekend but it's not like I have a choice. 

Due to this unsuspected move, I won't have a computer available for most of September. Although I would love to continue to post stories on the web, I'm going to find the task to be quite difficult without a computer. Sorry, but I won't be able to finish this fic in time, you'll have to wait at least until October or until I have a computer available. I'm terribly sorry but there really is nothing I can do.

There is hope, however, because my mom has a laptop, so I might be able to write there, but school is starting, and that computer is so slow that I don't think I'll have the time. You'll just have to see, I promise I will try not to leave you guys hanging.

Now, for those of you who don't give a flying fig about the those three paragraphs, on to the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon blah, blah, blah but the plot is mine. 

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Chapter 9 

Tk's Trial

Mimi gripped at her Phoenix's feathers with nervous fingers. Flying was an interesting feeling. There were some things she hated about it. The heights, the cold, and Izzy who kept throwing up in back all the time. There was also the nagging fear of falling, the fear of plunging down thousands of feet until you're body splattered on the ground below. She tried not to think about that.

Other than that, flying was amazing. There was this wind that seemed to bring everything to life. Mimi's hair, the bird's feathers, Tai's cloak. It ruffled everything; it seemed to make nonliving things move with vigor and life. She liked the wind. It played with her hair and it gave her the feeling of happy playfulness, which she had lost so long ago, along with her childhood. 

There was also this dazzling sun. As it lowered towards the horizon, it went from yellow, to gold, and finally to red. It sent out streaks of orange and pink light as the sky went from blue to red. Clouds turned pink and the entire sky seemed to be glowing with unknown purpose and wonder. It was beautiful. Mimi had never been one who cared for simple things like a sunset, but now she was awestruck. 

Maybe it was the height at which they were flying that made the sunset even more spectacular. The snow capped mountains that were usually hidden by the clouds could now be seen, and the white caps slowly went pink, just like the clouds. Also, the houses and trees below were all illuminated in orange light, and the water sparkled and reflected the gorgeous colors.

The Phoenix flew in the direction of the sun. West, towards Ti. Although it looked beautiful, the trip they were taking was dangerous, and once they arrived at the Military Outpost of Ty, they would be in incredible danger. The simple prospect of arriving in Ti was so dangerous, that Mimi thought it wouldn't be right to arrive in this gorgeous sunset. She didn't think that something so beautiful should be marred with the war that was about to begin, this is why they hesitated.

She insisted that they wait until the sun had set. None of them agreed, but they were all amazed by the show of colors that the sun was making. Even Izzy, while he wasn't puking, was gazing at the red orb that was slowly disappearing behind the mountains.

So they waited. Until the sun went down, hidden behind the mountains. They waited, until the last golden streaks of light faded. They waited, until the sky went navy blue, and finally pitch black. They waited, until the sun surrendered to the sea, miles away, and plunged the world into to darkness. 

It was under a black sky that the Phoenix picked up the pace, and flew at full speed towards Ti. Fido flew ever so silently. As quite as the night itself, the only illumination available was starlight, at least until the full moon rose.

It was under a black sky that they landed at the gates of Ti and began talking to the highest military generals and knights of the kingdom. It was under a black sky, that Ty officially declared ware on the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs.

***

It was also under a black sky, that Tk was rudely deposited by Harry's feet in Blackball. The journey to Blackball had been long and smelly, propelled only by farts. Tk had big red marks around his waist where the Org had been holding him. Tk had come here out of his own will. He needed a plan. He hoped one would come to him. But now, as he looked into the dark eyes of Harry Penis, Tk was completely clueless, not to mention scared. 

"Well, Tk. It looks like I've caught you after all." Harry said as a big ugly smile spread across his big ugly face. Tk was going to say something sarcastic, but the words didn't come out. So Harry continued, "You've been a big pain in the ass to look after. I was afraid that information about Operation Rip Apart would leak out. At least now you're here and I won't have to worry about that anymore."

Tk once again tried to reply but the words just won't form. His tongue was frozen. So Harry pulled out a sack of gold and said. "Do you know what this is Tk? In this little sack, there are 100 pounds of gold. Pretty heavy huh? This is you're life's worth. You are worth exactly 100 pounds of gold."

Tk managed to blurt out, "What do you mean?" 

"You see Tk, I sent a message out through the kingdom. I said you were a refugee. A criminal. Since everyone believes that you escaped from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs, they thought it was ok to kill you. And I said whoever kills Tk will have this bag of gold. Since I am an Org of my word. I will give this bag to whoever kills you, but since I'm going to be the one killing you, the bag stays with me." 

Tk grumbled with fury. He was being killed for money, his life was worth nothing in the eyes of the Orgs. He was simply something that was worth 100 pounds of gold. All Harry saw was the gold, not the sweet innocent boy he was about to kill.

At that point, images of people he knew flashed into his mind, Tai, Sora, his brother, Mimi, and Kari. People he knew for so little and yet, now he was going to act with these people in his heart. He would carry their names with him, even to his death. He could not surpass Harry alone, he would do it with the help of his friends. He would pass his trial with his friends. 

Now he would speak with his brother in is heart and as he spoke these words, he drew strength from Matt, "Tell me Harry, at least you owe me this much, why did you kidnap my brother and me. Why did you do it?"

"I did it in order to prevent you from becoming King. You know nothing about Ty now! You could never become King! I have accomplished what I set out to do. That is remove the future King of Ty from the throne."

"It doesn't make sense!" Tk yelled. Harry looked surprised. Tk continued, "It makes no sense. If you're going to destroy Ty, who cares if the future king is there or not. Even if you didn't kidnap me Operation Rip Apart would still have worked. Tell me why you kidnapped me!" Tk was talking with passion that he had never used before, it was Matt talking with him that made his voice richer and more meaningful

Harry, who had never been talked to this way before, was shocked, and a bit scared. He answered Tk to his surprise. 

"I kidnapped you because of you're mother." Harry said.

"What?!?!" it seemed so absurd, that for a moment Tk thought that Harry was kidding. But Harry was dead serious. More serious than ever.

"I was in love with your mother." Harry said.

"..."

"I know what you're thinking, you're thinking it's impossible for an Org to love a human. But I did love her! It was sick how much I loved her! But she didn't want me. She thought I was fat, ugly, and stupid."

"But you are fat, ugly and stu-"

"SHUT UP! Anyway even after I did all these nice things for her, she chose your father, the King of Ty, over me. Well, actually he chose her. I hated him for that. I hated her for that. Love turned into hate, and I vowed that I would wreck her family. So I kidnapped her children and I killed her. Her husband, your father, went insane and now all he does is sleep with hookers. He is in no position to rule the kingdom. So I now wreck my revenge on your mother's family. I feel no pity for her, or you, or your brother, or your father. I'll kill you and that will drive your brother insane. After that, Operation Rip Apart will take care of Ty, and I can rule in the place of your father. Because if your mother wanted to marry a king, then I shall become one!"

Tk stood still, slowly taking all of this in, "So that's why." He said, "That's why you want to rule the kingdom. Not because you want power, but because of jealousy. You want to take the place of my mom's lover, her husband, my father. You killed her. You _killed_ her! You fiend! I hate you! I'll never forgive you. Ever! I'll stop you, and my friends will stop Operation Rip Apart. We will beat you. _I _will beat you! I swear, I swear on the fact that I should rightfully be the King of Ty!"

Harry laughed, "Brave words my boy! But I think you're living in a fairy tale. You can't beat me. You'll be dead by tomorrow. Now go get some sleep. You have to be in tip-top shape for you're execution."

Two Orgs walked into the room and roughly shoved Tk into a dungeon. At that moment, Mimi was in his head, he was thinking through her, just like he had spoken with Matt in his heart a few minutes ago. Matt was in his heart, Mimi was in his head, and now he had to use her. In the depths of his mind, he was fermenting a plan. It was slowly coming clearer to him, and with Mimi's help, he thought like an ASS Investigator. The plan slowly got bigger and he kept on perfecting it until it was flawless. 

He had a plan, now her only had to use it when the right moment came.

***

Back at Ti, it was around 10:00 pm. The Military Outpost looked scary in the dark. Big black cannons loomed in the darkness. Thousands of hung swords reflected light from their cold blades, and many other weapons lay carefully hung around the room. This was the weaponry, where all the military weapons of Ty are kept. It was here that Tai and the others explained the situation. They were talking to General Butt-Cheeks, she was the head of the Knights of the Round Table of Ty.

"You see, General Butt-Cheeks." Tai explained, "Operation Rip Apart is based on the powerful farts of the Orgs. The farts are so strong, they create powerful shockwaves that can crack mountains. In order to stop Operation Rip Apart, we must stop the farts. To do that we need this." He pulled out a small pill of Gas-X. "We were hoping that you could turn this Gas-X into a weapon that could stop the Orgs from farting."

General Butt-Cheeks nodded but she was still a bit confused, "Even if we do stop the farting, it won't destroy the Orgs. We need to render them useless too in order to stop the Operation."

"That's were the folk dancing comes in!" Tai said, "Folk dances cause Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder. If we could teach the Knights of the Round Table of Ty how to folk dance while fighting the Orgs, then the Orgs would all self-destruct due to the chronic crapping disorder."

General Butt-Cheeks didn't exactly know what "self-destruct" meant. But she agreed to get lessons for her knights on how to folk dance. The only person that could teach the knights how to folk dance would be Mr. Homo Sexual. He was a criminal, so General Butt-Cheeks would have to instigate force, but she would deal with the problem when it came. 

"Alright." She said, "I'll get straight to work on developing the Gas-X weapon. Just one question, who are you all, and how did you get that beautiful Phoenix?"

Tai responded, "Of course how rude. I'm Tai, son of the King' s Royal Shoe Shiner and a member of the Knights of the Round Table of Ty. This is my sister Kari, she's wearing an invisibility thong. This is my girlfriend Sora, she's a sprite from Aros and she uses kick-ass magic. Mimi here is an ASS Investigator, she's really smart, but Izzy here is even smarter, he's a genius from Ju-Ju-Hick and he works in Ju-Ju laboratories, he invented the condom. This is Matt, former member of the Blubber-Stitch. He is, in reality, the Prince of Ty, but he was kidnapped long ago by Harry Penis so now he's just a fighter like me." 

General Butt-Cheeks had never seen such a strange band of teenagers. "Well." She said after she recovered from her surprise, "this is an interesting group you have here. How did you get the Phoenix?"

"It was actually my blind pigeon. But he turned into a Phoenix after we defeated the evil in the haunted woods of despair." Said Mimi. 

General Butt-Cheek's jaw dropped, "You defeated the evil in the haunted woods of despair?"

"Yes, that's how we got the Gas-X." Mimi replied. 

The General thought for a moment, "Ok, I'm going to trust you people. It's not everyday I run into a bunch of teenagers who claim they have defeated an evil that no one else has even come close to. So I'm going to enlist you." 

"I'm not sure I understand." Said Tai. General Butt-Cheeks continued talking, "Tai and Matt will join my army of knights and you will train with me. Mimi is an ASS Investigator, she will train according to what the Aros Sleuth Society tells her to do." General Butt-Cheeks paused for a minute then spoke again, "Mimi, if you can, please get Homo Sexual and bring him here. He needs to teach the knights folk dancing. Sora, you get help from Aros. Go ask other sprites if they can lend a hand in battle." 

Both Sora and Mimi nodded, then General Butt-Cheeks turned her attention to Izzy, "I want Izzy to help us develop a weapon that will use Gas-X." Izzy said that he would be delighted to do so. 

The only person that was left without a job was Kari, so she gave herself one.

"I'm going to get Tk." She said.

"No you're not." Said Tai, he almost thought she was joking.

"Who's Tk?" Asked the General. They explained everything, including that Tk was the heir to the throne, and that he was now in the hands of Harry penis.

"I have to find him." Said Kari, "when I do I'll bring him back here."

Tai was about to protest, but General Butt-Cheeks thought it was a great idea. She thought that Kari was well protected while she was invisible, and she did have a gun. Tai had no choice but to wave and see his sister disappear in the darkness, heading for the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. 

Tai and Matt had the hardest jobs yet. They had to join the Knights of the Round Table of Ty. That would have been a good thing, except General Butt-Cheeks was training them. General Butt-Cheeks was the toughest general that Ty could muster. She had this test that she put all her knights through, she calls the test "Three Days in Hell".

There are three things that Tai and Matt had to do in the test-Three Days in Hell. On the first day, they had to do 5,678 back-flips (one after another) on their knees holding a knife between their teeth while singing the French national anthem. They had to start over if one of them cut his tongue with the knife while singing.

On the second day, they had to climb _all _of the Measly Mountains twice, barefoot and running with bowling balls attached to their feet while reading Dante's _Divine Comedy_. If they didn't finish reading the book by the time they climbed all the mountains they would have to start over. 

Finally on the third day, they had to cross the kingdom on horseback, riding the horse upside-down with a sword in each hand, arms out with buckets full of water hung on each arm and three bottles of water in between their legs. They had to stay upside-down on the horse, riding it by holding the reins in their mouths. The horses would be bucking like crazy and if they either Tai or Matt fell off or spilled a single drop of water they had to start over. Once they passed Three Days in Hell, the real training would begin.

Compared to this, Sora, Mimi, and Izzy had very simple things to do. Kari maybe, was doing the most dangerous thing. As Tai and Matt dreaded the next day, the day of the test, Tk had his own test that he would have to pass.

***

Just as Tk was about to fall asleep. The door to the dungeon opened and an Org came in. The Org grabbed Tk and shoved him out of the building and into the cold night air. 

"Where are you taking me?" Tk mumbled groggily with sleep.

"To your execution."

Tk gasped. So soon? He didn't even have a chance to put his plan in motion. All he could do was follow the Org through the darkness. There was a full moon out, and Tk saw the Org lead him out of Blackball. They walked for an hour and finally came to the banks of the Moo-Moo River. Harry was there, and he looked very happy. 

"Welcome Tk, to your execution. Let me explain a little how it goes. It is now 11:00 pm. You will be tortured until midnight, if you don't die first. At exactly 12:00 we will make you walk the plank and you will be fed to the cow-sharks. Any questions?" Harry asked this as a rhetorical question, so he was surprised when Tk spoke.

"What if I survive?" 

"Huh?" Harry didn't understand.

"What if I survive the cow-sharks, then what?" Tk was trying to buy time. His hope lasted in one thing. Tk noticed that the sack with 100 pounds of gold was next to Harry. Maybe Tk could use that to his advantage.

"I don't think you will survive, but if you do...I won't kill you, I'll make you my slave." Harry said. Although it was obvious that Tk would not survive the cow-sharks, they were vicious. 

"Ok." Said Tk trying to buy more time, "how are you going to torture me? I think I have a right to know." If Tk could waste time until midnight, he had a chance. He definitely didn't want to be tortured to death.

Harry sighed, "Very well I'll tell you. First an Org will start farting on you non-stop, then another Org will crap on you and we'll watch the acidic poop eat into your clothes and skin. Finally, both Orgs will rape you. Then If you're still alive, I toss you into the Moo-Moo River and we watch as the cow-sharks devour you. Happy now?" 

Tk did not want to be exposed to an Org fart, he didn't want to be crapped on by an Org either and he definitely didn't want to be rapped. He had to think fast.

"What will you do after you kill me?" Tk asked desperate for time.

By now, Harry had wised up to Tk's trick, "Stop buying time!" He yelled, "begin the torture."

Before Tk could think, a huge Org loomed out of the darkness and smiled an evil, toothless grin. Then he farted. The fart was so loud and smelly that it knocked Tk to the ground. The Org got into a crouching position over Tk as if to fart again. Tk screamed helplessly. At that moment, a picture of Tai flashed into his head. Tai's strength, Tai's courage, that's what Tk needed now. Tk felt Tai in his muscles, just like he had felt Matt in his heart and Mimi in his mind. 

Tk took a deep breath and held it. The Org farted again. There was a shockwave which hurt Tk, but at least he didn't have the foul smell. When Tk released his breath, only a faint stench remained in the air. Tk realized that if he held his breath the moment the Org farted, he didn't have to put up with the smell, and he was getting used to the shockwaves. Besides, there was at least a ten second pause between each fart. Tk would be ok.

Harry realized that farts were not having a lot of effect. This made him mad. He ran over to the Org that was farting on Tk. Harry unleashed a massive punch that sent the Org sprawling into the river. The cow-sharks ate him in three seconds flat. 

"Next." Said Harry rather calmly and another Org loomed out of the darkness. This Org was completely naked. Tk shielded his eyes in disgust. The big fat Org crouched over Tk. Tk would not have this, he would not be crapped on. He felt Tai's strength flow through his muscles along with Mimi's clever planning. He put himself in a lying position on his back and using all the strength he could muster, he kicked the Org's ass...literally. 

Tk's foot got stuck in the Org's rectum. The Org screamed in pain. Not only did the kick make the org numb with pain, but now he couldn't take a dump, the passage was blocked by Tk's shoe. The Org screamed as the poop built up inside him. Finally, the pressure was so great that the Org exploded. Blood, body parts, and crap flew all over the place. Harry screamed as a big lump of shit flew in his face. The acid in the waste product dug into his face. Tk was luckier, he shielded his face just in time.

After Harry washed his face with water from the river he glared at Tk.

"Alright you little bastard, the cow-sharks will deal with you!" Tk tried to get up, but Harry was on top of him in a second. Punching, kicking, biting, Harry gave Tk a good complete beating. Tk would have died if it wasn't for the strength he was drawing from Tai.

When Harry was done, Tk had countless cuts and bruises and a mighty headache, but nothing was broken. Harry picked him up roughly, along with the sack full of gold and he began walking up a steep cliff. Although Tk was only half-conscious, he knew that Harry was going to throw him off the cliff: into the Moo-Moo River.

When Harry got to the top of the cliff, he put the bag down and threw Tk on the ground. "Say goodbye you little shit-head." Said Harry with pure evil in his voice. Tk sighed deeply, Harry was going to kick him into the river. Tk drew the last of Tai's strength as Harry kicked him and sent him flying down the cliff. 

That's when the magic happened. Tk thought about two people. Sora and Kari. As he thought about Kari he knew he couldn't die, Kari was in his soul. He needed her. He wanted her. If he died now, all of his efforts would be for nothing, and he would never see Kari again. He would have to survive, for Kari. She was in his soul, Matt was in his heart, Mimi was in his mind, and Tai was in his muscles. What about Sora? Sora was in his wings. Wings? Tk felt the magic surge through him. And all of a sudden, he stopped. In midair, he simply stopped a few inches from the edge of the cliff where he was going to bash his head and would later fall dead into the river. 

Then Tk felt an incredible pain between his shoulder blades. It lasted for only a second and then he felt a weird feeling. He was rising. As if defying gravity itself he rose, with little effort. Of course he couldn't see the wings that had grown on his back, not now anyway. When he did notice the wings, he was shocked with puzzlement and happiness. How and why did he grow wings? Sora would know. It was a mystery just like the one of Fido rising from the ashes as a Phoenix. It was magic that protected living creatures who were not supposed to die. Strange magic, unexplainable magic. Magic that would slowly fade away as people lacked faith in it. But Tk had faith. He knew that he wasn't going to die, for Kari's sake. When Fido got burned up by the evil Phoenix, perhaps he knew that he wasn't going to die, for Mimi's sake.

It was magic deep and shrouded in mystery that seemed only to work when and how it wanted to, and it was powered by love. Magic like that today is long but forgotten.

But it wasn't forgotten then. Here was Tk, with newly grown wings, rising like an angel above the cliff to Harry's utter hatred and astonishment.

"How? HOW?" Harry was muttering on the verge of madness. 

Tk landed. His wings withered away back into his spine. He was to tired to keep them. He found the last bits of strength in his muscles and he summoned them. With one huge breath he hauled up the 100 pound sack full of gold and he held it high over his head. Harry lumbered towards Tk with rage but Tk found the strength to speak.

"Don't move or it goes over." Tk said. Harry stopped in his tracks. Tk continued to talk, "You've stuck yourself to my life like an ugly leech! You ruined my childhood and you were going to ruin my adolescence. You were consumed by hatred and in your killing frenzy, you took the life of my mother."

Tk staggered but kept the bag high over his head. He took lots of deep breaths. The moonlight shone clearly on his face. He had a cut under his left eye and his forehead was badly bruised but his blue eyes were sparkling. Tears streamed down his face from pain that was both physical and emotional but he continued to speak, "You drove my poor father to insanity and stupidity. You put my brother into a clan where he ate nothing but mushrooms and his IQ dropped by about ten points. You've succeeded in wrecking my family, and for that I can never forgive you." Tk had to stop again, his speech was labored and he thought he was going to pass out. But he had to keep talking. His legs started to buckle under the weight of the gold but he stopped them. In the moonlight his face seemed to give off heroic radiance. The fact that he was wounded seemed to add to his beauty. So in his heroic radiance, he gave the last part of his speech:

"You've weighed my life out in the terms of gold! In your eyes I've been nothing more than a scale to your money! In your lust for gold, you've bribed and cheated people into killing me. This bag of gold should belong to me, since you say I am worth exactly 100 pounds of gold. Let me tell you, I'm worth more than 100,000 pounds of gold! My life is not something you can sell, it isn't something you can destroy either. Although you've made my life a living hell, you won't do so anymore.

"Even though this gold should be mine, I will give it to you. Take your stupid money and be gone from my life! If you want the gold, go get it!" With that he tossed the bag over the side of the cliff.

"NO!" Harry screamed and he dove after the gold. Tk watched as Harry's body was impaled upon a jagged rock, and the corpse slowly fell into the river toward the awaiting cow-sharks. 

Tk smiled. He had completed his trial, but he was on the brink of death. He collapsed to the ground, his strength spent. He thought he was hallucinating when he saw Kari approach him. But the hug that she gave him seemed real enough. 

"Oh Tk." she whispered softly in his ear, "you were wonderful! You're so brave, think of how much you've accomplished! I'm so happy you got rid of Harry. Don't worry Tk. It's all over now, I'll take care of you." She gently caressed his tear stained cheeks. She bent over and kissed his lips softly. Then she noticed the cut under his eye. She gasped, "Oh you're hurt!" Tk rolled his eyes in a 'no duh' kind of way, but then he smiled as heard what she had said, "I'll take care of you."

She smiled too and she kissed him again, he would have smiled again but his lips were slightly busy. After a while, she lay down next him and they fell asleep together under the stars and the moon. 

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So I've ended yet another chapter with sap, gag. I probably will be able to continue updating if I can get my hands on a computer. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. 

In the next chapter I'll write about how Tai and Matt do in the test Three Days in Hell, it will be very funny. I should have that chapter up soon, if not just be patient. I will update if not tomorrow, in a couple of days.

Remember to review. Bye. 


	11. Three Days in Hell: The First Day

Hello everyone. I know that in the last chapter I said that I would update in a couple of days, well, it was more like a couple of months. Sorry, but the computer didn't come with the movers until mid-October, and of course there was the packing and assembling etc, etc. 

I've tried something different in this chapter too. I've added a bit of mimato (spelling?). I know many of you like this couple. Those of you that don't can skip right over the sappy part because a good portion of this chapter is mindless insanity.

I'm very glad you people like this fic, and thank you all for the wonderful reviews, but I hope your expectations aren't to high. I haven't been writing for a while. 

However, I'll pick up where I left off and hopefully you guys will stop thinking I'm dead. Enjoy the fics.

Disclaimer: No digimon is still not mine and it probably never will be.

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Chapter 10

Three Days in Hell: The First Day 

Matt slowly lumbered to his bed. He was in the military dormitory. Never in his entire life had his body endured such a difficult task as the one he had just done earlier that day. General Butt-Cheeks was the biggest bitch on the planet, he concluded. The pain she inflicted on him was greater than anything else he had ever experienced, even Sora's curse.

He plopped down on the bed and looked to his left, Tai was already snoring heavily on his own bed. Although Matt was dead tired, sleep seemed to evade him. He closed his eyes and the events of the day slowly played back in his head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The military training grounds were the base of operation for Matt and Tai's grueling test. They were occupied by three sagging building's put together. The first was the dormitory for the soldiers, it had three floors: the ground floor housed the dining room, the second had the rooms for rookies undergoing "three days in hell", and the third floor was where the elite soldiers who had passed the test slept peacefully. Matt and Tai shared the same room on the second floor; they were the only ones currently undergoing the test. The other two buildings were used as churches to offer funeral masses for the people who died during the test.

Matt and Tai had been hastily put to bed in the dorms at eleven and were rudely awakened at 4:39 am by General Butt-Cheek's crude, loud, creaking, and powerful voice. 

"Wake up you smelly, lazy pieces of repulsive tripe! You have exactly ONE minute to do the three S's- Shave, Shit, and Shower! If you're not done in 60 seconds I'm going to rip every single hair off of your smelly genitals. NOW MOVE YOUR @$$'S!"

Maybe it was her screeching voice or her horrifying threat, but Tai and Matt managed to shave, shit, and shower in 62 seconds. When they presented themselves downstairs by the breakfast room, Matt still had shampoo in his hair and Tai's left cheek was covered in shaving cream. 

General Butt-Cheeks did not look very pleased; "you're both late by two seconds, SHAME ON YOU. However it is you're first day, so I'll be generous. After you take my test you will wash the entire training grounds with a toothbrush."

The boys groaned and slumped down in their chairs awaiting their breakfast.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" General Butt-Cheeks roared.

Tai winced, "We-we're waiting for our breakfast." He stammered.

"Don't you know the rules around here? If you don't work you don't eat. Now wipe that cream of your rotten face and get out into the training grounds." She yelled.

Tai took a napkin and wiped his face. The general walked out of the dining room and headed for the training grounds. Tai looked at Matt, "Guess we better follow her." He said. Matt shrugged, he was to busy trying to wring the shampoo out of his hair. 

When the two boys walked outside, they were met by quite a crowd. Half the military forces of Ty were gathered in bleachers above the grounds, Sora and Mimi were among them. It looked like the Roman coliseum. 

General Butt-Cheeks stood in the center of the grounds and shouted, her voice bellowed like the sound of a dieing hippopotamus:

"We have assembled here today to witness the undertaking of "three days in hell" by these two young men. Should they come out triumphant, they will be leading the forces against the imposing threat from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. If they fail the test, chances are they will die, or they will suffer from the constant possibility of heart failure." 

Mimi laughed out loud, "how's that for a pep talk." She giggled. Unfortunately, General Butt-Cheeks wasn't joking, and that statement was far from a pep talk.

The general continued, "on the first day of the grueling test, these two boys will be required to do 5,678 back-flips with knives in their mouths while singing the French Anthem.

Matt protested, "but general it's impossible to do that many back-flips in the course of one day." That was a big mistake. Nobody ever went against the General, it simply wasn't done. Luckily for Matt General Butt-Cheeks managed to remain calm and sarcastic.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. It seems to me that you poor innocent babies aren't fit for the military. Maybe you babies can go back home and be breast-fed by your mothers! " She said. Then she decided to act like a politician. She was going to repeat a few lines over and over again and had the two boys cheer her on like mindless zombies. 

"Tai, Matt." She said, " The Kingdom of Ty is the only bastion of freedom in this world. No other kingdom has achieved a greater statistic of people high on marijuana than Ty has. We are setting the path for Aros and Ju-Ju-Hick to follow. Unfortunately, our prosperity is being threatened by a kingdom down south. Thousands of lives will be lost if Operation Rip Apart succeeds and once that happens, our beautiful kingdom will fall to the hands of the Orgs.

"The two of you came to me to warn me of this evil operation, and I have responded by training you in the best way possible. I have even given you toilets that can flush. No it's up to you. The fate of the kingdom lies in your hands, and I will do everything I can to make sure that you can fight for Ty! So I beg and implore you, for the sake of our kingdom, our people, our children, and our hookers, take my test and you will be able to defeat the orgs, and be remembered as one of history's finest heroes!"

The stadium erupted into applause and Matt and Tai raced towards the center of the field were their knives were waiting. They were psyched. General Butt-Cheeks cheered them on at first, but then she turned around and rolled her eyes.

"Suckers like them are hard to come by." She mumbled under her breath. 

Tai was the first to try the test. He picked up the knife and bit it. 

"Here goes." He said, almost cutting his tongue. He flipped and landed promptly on his rear end. Everyone in the stadium booed, and someone threw a tomato at him.

General Butt-Cheeks winced. She had a plan. She was going to scare them into flipping 5,678 times, but she was going to use it only in the case of an emergency. 

This time Matt tried, and although he successfully back-flipped, he was unable to flip again consecutively, his body simply couldn't perform such a feat. More boos echoed form the stadium and someone chucked a watermelon at him. 

They both tried again, but Tai cut his tongue and Matt forgot the words to the French anthem. The people in the bleachers began to riot and a group of them threw a cow, which landed near General Butt-Cheeks. 

"Ok that's it!" She yelled. She ran into one of the churches and came out with a burning metal rod. 

****

WARNING

The next 5 paragraphs may be a bit vulgar for a few of you.

"Do you know what this is?" She asked, "this is metal rod that is burning so hot it could easily singe off your pubic hairs, I'm going to stick this up your rear orifice if you fail one more time!"

Matt gulped and flipped again. He tried to follow up, he really did, but it was impossible his body simply couldn't do. The crowd was restless because it had run out f things to throw.

"Ok you thought I was kidding." General Butt-Cheeks said. She ripped off Matt's pants and inserted the burning rod. Tai gasped in horror. That was just wrong! How horrible! It was a crime, a sin! His fists shook in fury with rage for this woman. 

"You bitch how could you!" Tai screamed, "you make me flipping mad!" 

"What was that?" She said smiling.

"I said you make me flipping...oh!" Realization swept over his face, and fueled by fear of the rod, and rage for the general, he back-flipped over and over again. 

As for Matt, a little thought was going through his head right about now and it went a little something like this-OUCH, OUCH! IT BURNS IT BURNS! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! THE AGONY, OH MY FLAMING ASS!-and he was thinking that if there was a hell, it would feel like this. However, besides the pangs of pain that radiated from his rectum, he felt a surge that made him jump to alleviate the pain. So he to began flipping.

If you were to wander onto the training grounds that day, you would behold quite a sight. A crowd would be cheering endlessly to two figures that were back flipping so fast they seemed to defy the law of gravity. A wide assortment of fruits and vegetables littered the grounds along with a disoriented cow. The two blurs that were back flipping were being chased by a woman with a steaming orange rod. Despite the chaos, music was coming from the blurs:

__

Allons enfants de la patrie

Le jour de glorie est arrive'

Contre nous de la tyrannie

L'etendard sanglant est leve'

L'etendard sanglanr est leve'

Entendez-vous dans les campagnes

Mugir ces feroces soldats?

Ils viennent jusqu'a' dans nos bras 

E'gorger nos fils, nos campanes .

Aux arm, citoyens .

Formez vos bataillons.

Marchons! Marchons!

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons!

(*AN: Ok...I just typed up the French Anthem for really no good reason. However I intend to have this written on my straight jacket before you people send me to the nut house.)

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Matt grumbled and turned around in his bed. He shifted around trying to lie in a comfortable position where his butt wouldn't hurt. At that point he heard a knock on the door. Matt grumbled, if this was General Butt-Cheek telling him that he forgot to clean the dormitory with a toothbrush, he was going to kill himself. 

"Come in." He mumbled.

Mimi walked in carrying a tray of food, "I'm sorry, did I wake you up." She said softly. 

Matt was surprised to see her, "no I was already awake."

She knelt down by his bed and she gave him the tray, "I realized that you didn't eat all day, you were flipping for most of the day. I think if I hear Marchons! Marchons! one more time I'm going to go crazy."

They both laughed, "thanks for the food." Matt said.

"You're welcome...how's you're...uh.."

"It hurts but it will feel better, Sora promised to cast a healing spell on it if she is in a good mood. Or if she stops thinking I'm a big jerk." 

"I don't think you're a big jerk, with or without a charred ass!" Mimi began to giggle but Matt didn't think it was very funny, however he too began to chuckle after a while and they were both doubled over with laughter. When they finished, Mimi smiled at him, Matt smiled back. She was about to say something but they were interrupted by Tai's loud snoring. 

She sighed and said, "I have to go back to Tie, General Butt-Cheeks told me to go get Homo Sexual, I don't know if I'll see you guys again after I leave. You know that we are going to go to war." Matt nodded.

"Well." He said, "if that's the case, I had fun traveling with you, even if it was for just a short time."

"Me too." She said. After a while she said, "I better get going." And she shook his hand, "oh this is silly." She said and she knelt over and kissed him softly. "Goodbye Matt."

Matt was only able to wave, shocked and slightly cross eyed as Mimi walked out and closed the door softly behind her. He settled back down in bed. 'Well' he thought, 'today I woke up very early in the morning, had a hot medal rod put up my ass, was humiliated in front of hundreds of people, back flipped for thirteen hours, sang the French Anthem to my hearts content, ordered an ice cream cone (for my butt), and in the end was kissed by Mimi. It was a good day!' With that he yawned, massaged his rear, and went to sleep. 

***

It was around 11:30 at night. Mimi really didn't want to be going anywhere, but duty called. She would bring Homo Sexual to Ti and then she would fly back to Aros, where a promotion to ASS Inspector would hopefully lie in wait. 

She climbed onto her Phoenix and they flapped up into the night sky. It was pitch black, but the bird would know where to go, Fido used to be a messenger pigeon after all.

As Mimi flew across the Kingdom with amazing speed, she was completely oblivious to the people watching her. Fido did give off a glimmer of light as he shot across the sky, making him an easy target to follow, even from the ground.

The people watching her were dangerous. They were spies sent by a person whose name cannot be revealed at this point. They were lean, mean, and blond. They had been traveling many miles from their domain in the mountains and were secretly watching Mimi and everything she did. Now a perfect opportunity arose for them to strike. 

The spies had been very patient for a long time. But patience was their greatest (if only) virtue. They were specially trained to rip out every hair from their butts with a boxing glove, talk about patience. Patience was so important to them, that most of the time they just stood around doing nothing waiting for something interesting to happen. A big colorful bird flying across the sky at the speed of sound definitely qualified as something interesting. Now all they had to do was wait for her to land...

Mimi arrived at the capital of Ty, Tie, at around midnight. She dismounted from her phoenix and stealthily crept into the University. She made her way down the dark halls towards Mr. Sexual's office and opened the door.

Homo was waiting for her, "well Mimi, I've been expecting you."

Mimi blinked, "you have?" 

"But of course! Surely you have come for my new courses. I now lead a culinary class and I teach people how to cook soufflés!"

Mimi rolled her eyes, "alright Homo let's get to the **point**." She pulled out her knife, "I'm and ASS Investigator. I've been keeping a close watch on you and I know everything about you and about your collaboration with the Orgs! You've been accepting bribes from Harry Penis, you've sent messages to Harry about the secrets of the folk dances, and apparently, you hired a man named Carl and ordered him to kill me! So now, if you value your life at all, come with me because I have use for you at the military base. If you don't cooperate, I'll kick your gay ass and bring you over there by force!"

"You know, you're sexy when you're angry. I believe I told you that already." Homo said smiling.

Mimi growled and leaped in an attempt to hit him but he dodged the attack with a graceful skip and he held up his hand, "no, no, no bad idea sweet-cheeks. I do believe you will be the one coming with me." He said. Then he called, "Oh Haywood!"

A gigantic man appeared from behind the door carrying a huge ax. He swung the ax and hit Mimi with the flat side. She didn't know what was happening until it was too late, she collapsed to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"Very good Haywood. Quickly now tie her up, she's a tricky little bitch." Homo said. 

At that point three masked figures walked into the office, they were all blond.

"We took care of the bird." Said the first figure, they were the spies. 

Homo raised his eyebrows, "I saw that bird, it was a Holy Phoenix, how did you defeat it?"

One of the patient spies answered, "we didn't defeat it, we gave a ten hour discussion on how to make ten minute rice and it just fell asleep."

"Very good. We have to get going, Sandy is waiting. If we don't reach the Blubber-Stitch Domain by sunrise, they'll start without us."

The spies nodded and one of them said, "right. We'll take you there right away."

*****

At about the same time of Mimi's capture, Sora was flying somewhere along the border between the Kingdom of Ty and the Kingdom of Aros. She was about to cross the border, but she spotted something that made her stop and hover for a while. Three blond men where heading up a sharp trail followed by two men, one of them (significantly larger than the other), was carrying a girl that seemed to be sleeping.

"Is that Mimi?" Sora mumbled to herself. She decided to follow this strange group. She kept a safe distance away from them up in the air, and she flew up the mountain. 

*****

The sun came slowly up from her slumber, peeking its glowing face above the mountains and shining its rays down on the kingdoms nestled below. One ray of light, which had just traveled billions of miles through space going 186,000 miles per second, blinded Tk's waking eyes. 

Tk mumbled something inarticulate and sat up. He yawned and looked around. Where was he? Slowly, yesterdays events crept back into his head: Morning amnesia, the only thing that prevents people from waking up screaming.

"So you finally got up you sleepyhead." Tk turned around and saw Kari smiling at him. She knelt down beside him and felt his forehead, "how're you feeling."

Tk rubbed his eyes, "fine. My cheek kind of hurts." 

"I thought so, you have a nasty cut there. Are you going to be ok." She asked sincerely.

"Of course I'm going to be ok. You're with me aren't you?" He said getting up.

Kari blushed and got up with him. She put her hand on his good cheek and smiled. He ran his hand through her silky hair. 

"Tk I-" she stopped when Tk leaned forward. Their lip almost met, but then they heard an explosion. 

Tk bolted back, "what was that?!" 

"It sounded like a really loud fart." Kari said looking in the direction of the explosion. 

Tk's eyes widened, "you think they're testing Operation Rip Apart? I just killed Harry Penis, the Orgs won't be happy about that." 

Kari nodded, "we have to go back to Ti and tell General Butt-Cheeks!" 

Tk took her hand and they ran towards Ti together.

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Yeah finally finished this chapter! Sorry for the long wait, but the next chapter will probably one of the best yet (doesn't take much).

FUTURE FUNNIES

In chapter 11, Tai and Matt go through day 2 of Three Days in Hell. Sora plots a plan on how to attack the Blubber-Stitch (will be very funny), Izzy is experimenting with Gas-X and is discovering its fascinating properties, Tk and Kari must engage in severe battles with some pot-smoking tree gnomes (when they aren't fighting they are making out), and Mimi busts out of captivity James Bond-style!

Don't forget to review, it will insure faster chapter updating! Bye. 


	12. Three Days in Hell: The Second Day

I FINALLY UPDATED!! This is the second part of the Three Days in Hell trilogy. Even though I've decided to call it a trilogy there is nothing special about it compared to the other chapters in this fic. It only sounds more prestigious.

Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine and half of this chapter isn't related to Digimon at all. This was written for the purpose of entertaining myself and others.

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Chapter 11

Three Days in Hell: The Second Day

In the most advanced scientific laboratory in Ty, three professors were slaving away, squinting at their test tubes, when a young boy burst into the room with a Royal Military Escort. 

"Move out of the way. I have the answer on how to defeat the Orgs!" The boy shouted. It was Izzy.

"Who is you being?" Said one of the professors. 

"I am Izzy, boy genius from Ju-Ju-Hick. I'm holding a sample of Gas-X. A substance that will supposedly stop the Orgs from farting, thus nullifying Operation Rip Apart."

"What is you talking about, what is Operation Rip Apart being, is that some new song that you young hipsters be making up?" Said the second professor. 

The royal escort filled the three professors in. He told them everything about Operation Rip Apart and how Homo Sexual's folk dances cause the Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder (the dances also increase sexual prowess but that's another story). He also informed them on how an unlikely band of teenagers managed to gain the trust of a Holy Phoenix (who was once a blind messenger pigeon) by defeating the evil Phoenix of the haunted woods of despair, and thus gaining the mysterious Gas-X.

"That is being quite an interesting story my friend." Said the first professor, "I believe we can be of assistance in your research on this exquisite substance."

"Thank you, we have to hurry though, the Orgs are probably testing the operation as we speak." Izzy said hurriedly.

"Very well, let me introduce myself." Said the first professor, "I am being Professor Luck."

"My name is being Professor Shmuck, the three of us are brothers." Said the second professor. 

"My name is being Professor Fu- Well, why don't we get to work we have a lot to do!" 

Izzy settled down at a desk cluttered with various instruments useful for chemical experiments: a rack of test tubes, three Bunsen Burners, and a smelly box of stool samples. Izzy meant to put a little bit of Gas-X into a test tube, but he slipped and the Gas-X fell into the box of doo-doo. 

"Oh gross. I'll get it." Izzy mumbled, but as he said those words something fascinating happened, the waste products in the box dissolved completely upon contact with the Gas-X. 

"This is being incredible!" Cried Professor Shmuck.

Izzy nodded in amazement, "yes it is. Quick, Professor Luck, tell the military escort to bring General Butt-Cheeks here as soon as you can. I have an idea." Izzy turned to Professor Shmuck and his brother, "you two go get me some more stool samples, I have an experiment to conduct!"

***

While Izzy was trying to figure out how to make a weapon out of Gas-X, Tk was trying to figure out how to get back to the Military Outpost in Ti without getting hit by a fart shockwave and being blown into a million pieces. 

"Ok." Said Tk, "Where do you think we are on the map?" 

"We couldn't be to far from Blackball, I say we are heading north, judging that it's morning and the sun is to the east. Which is a good thing, because north is the direction we want to go." Kari told him.

"Yeah I know, but if we go north we have to hike over a few huge mountains just to get out of Butt-Crack Canyon, and once we do that we'd be closer to Tie then to Ti." Tk responded. 

"True." Kari stopped to think for a while then she had an idea, "Ti is northwest from here right? We could evade the Orgs, but we would have to go through the Gnome Forest." 

Tk blinked. Was she serious? Gnome Forest was located in the center of Butt-Crack Canyon and it ran northwest across the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. Although the Orgs were stupid, they were smart enough not to venture into Gnome Forest, because chances are they wouldn't come out sober. 

Tree gnomes lived in Gnome Forest, hence the name. The tree gnomes were savage creatures about two feet in height and weighing no more than 3 pounds. Although they weren't a physical threat, the tree gnomes smoked more marijuana than all teenage Americans put together! This rendered the gnomes quite dangerous. The last case was reported by an explorer who saw a tree gnome attacking a watermelon. The gnome claimed that the watermelon had slept with his wife.

Also, the tree gnomes were called tree gnomes not only because they lived in trees and that they used sapwood for clothes, but also because they used trees as falling battering rams. Let me explain. The tree gnomes are very territorial. They don't want anyone walking into their forest and stealing their precious drugs, so they use trees as their primary weapons. If you were to walk next a tree in Gnome Forest, you would hear the sounds of roots cracking followed by a loud, squeaky "Timber!" and a 300 foot Redwood would come crashing down on you, splitting your skull and compressing your spinal chord. Hence the name, falling battering rams.

So you could imagine why Tk's response to Kari's proposition was, "Are you out of your mind, Kari? How do you think it's going to feel having a Redwood impaled upon you?"

"We're not going to be impaled by a Redwood. I can turn invisible and I also have a gun. You, how can you be worried? You just killed the strongest and most dangerous Org of this time! Plus, I noticed that in your battle with Harry you grew wings? If that kind of magic occurs in you when trouble arises, we'll be fine."

"Kari I know that, but I- I just don't want anything to happen to you." Tk said with true sincerity in his voice. 

"I wouldn't even have asked to go through the forest unless I felt completely safe by your side." She smiled at him and gave him a hug.

"Ok fine. You win. But the minute I see a tree about to fall on us, we're getting the heck out of there." Tk said.

Kari nodded, "ok we don't have time to waste. She pointed in the direction of towering trees. "Let's go!" 

***

"GET UP YOU SMELLY SCUM-BAGS. GET YOUR DIRTY @$$'S INTO THE SHOWER AND THEN BRING YOUR SKINNY BODIES OUT INTO THE TRAINING GROUNDS!!" This was Tai and Matt's wake up call. Without even protesting, they silently rubbed the sleep from their eyes an proceeded to do the three S's (shave, shit, and shower)

They finished the three S's surprisingly quickly and scrambled out onto the training grounds. 

General Butt-Cheeks looked at her watch, "Not bad for a couple of sissies. Now here, take these and don't say I never gave you two jerk-nuts anything." Tai inspected the object that the general had given him. It was parchment bound together so that the pages could be turned. 

"What's this?" He asked.

"It's called a book you idiot! It's Dante's _Divine Comedy. _You two scum-sucking worms have to read the whole thing by the end of the day!"

Tai shrugged, "That's not so bad."

The general mocked him, "That's not so bad." She mimicked in a squeaky little voice that sounded like one of Barney's best friends, "Well you better believe it. You also have to trek across all of the Measly Mountains twice, barefoot with bowling balls attached to your feet."

"Oh is that all?" Tai said sarcastically.

The general almost exploded, "You and your big fat sassy mouth! Would you like me to cut off your reproductive organs and make you eat them!" 

Tai shook his head fiercely.

"Good then take off your shoes, put on these shackles and start reading!" 

Tai did as he was told and Matt didn't even reply, his still burning ass told him to keep his mouth shut. Once they had their shackles with bowling balls attached to their feet on, Matt and Tai opened the book to page 1 and began hiking (with some difficulty) up the first mountain. Since the general didn't trust them, she followed them on a donkey, and took the opportunity to get herself a tan.

The events that will happen to Tai and Matt in the second day of their test will be revealed later in the chapter.

***

"Ouch, what happened?" Mimi grumbled and tried to get to her feet. When she became fully aware of what was going on, she realized that she was tied to a chair and she was being stared at by a few ugly faces. She was in some sort of cave. It was dark damp and smelly. 

"So the little princess finally woke up." The first figure said.

Mimi looked up. It was Homo.

"Oh good she's awake. You told me she was a fire-cracker, she doesn't look so dangerous to me." A female voice this time, coming from behind Mimi. She jerked her head backwards and managed to get a glimpse of a woman with blond hair. 

"Who are you?" Mimi asked as she managed to tilt her head in a way in which she could see the woman better.

"My name is Sandy Buttocks." Said the blond lady, "I'm the leader of the Blubber-Stitch Clan. I can tell you've been a real pain in the butt to deal with. You discovered the secrets of the folk dance, managed to tame a Holy Phoenix, softened Joe the Terrorist, and you warned the King of Ty about Operation Rip Apart. I must say Mimi, I'm quite impressed."

"Yeah she's good alright. Kind of heavy too." Mimi turned her head around in the direction of the other voice. She spotted the man who had knocked her out.

"You must be one of Homo's 'associates'." Mimi said smirking.

The huge man laughed, "My name is Haywood Yablowme. I'm the one who hauled your big fat ass up the mountain."

Mimi wanted to ask more, but she decided that she might learn more just by being quiet.

Sandy began, "The Blubber-Stitch have been in close cooperation with the Orgs. However, we plan on overthrowing them as soon as Operation Rip Apart has taken place. With the King of Ty gone and the Orgs out of the way, we can set up our own government in Ty since the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty will crumble!" 

"However doing that may be difficult if you and your friends manage to stop the Orgs." Homo explained, "so sweetheart, we need you to tell us what your friends are doing so we can stop them. Once the Orgs commence Operation Rip Apart, the Blubber-Stitch can invade the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs."

"How are you going to manage that? The Orgs will crush you and your blonds!" Mimi said.

"We have a plan of our own, but that's of no concern to you." Sandy told her, "speak Mimi, we're waiting."

Mimi shook her head. She knew her requirements as a spy well. If she was captured than she died. But never, under any circumstances, did she give away information to the enemy. She would rather die. However, she was trained to escape quickly.

"Very well, I'm going to have to torture you than." Said Homo. He took of his cloak to show his pink leotard and he started dancing around the room singing:

"I like big butt's and I cannot lie!..."

Mimi groaned. She wasn't going to take this sitting down, or in any other position for that matter. She was going to bust out of that place as soon as she got the chance.

***

"Kari I don't like the looks of this." Tk said as they walked along the path in Gnome Forest. It was dark and Tk had the feeling that they were being watched. 

"Shush! Less talking and more walking. If we hurry we'll make it before sundown." Kari said picking up her pace. 

Tk followed cautiously behind her. His gaze was fixed upwards at the enormous trees. Under any other situation, he would have thought that they looked magnificent. They swooped up into the heavens, bigger than anything he had seen before. They loomed up in the sky, older than any human has ever lived, looking sage and wise. But now, the only thing that Tk was thinking about was how much it was going to hurt once those mega-ton trees fell on him and Kari.

He shook the thought out of his head and instead focused on Kari's ass. 

Meanwhile, a couple hundred feet up on the tree, a tiny figure was watching the two kids walk through his territory. He didn't like that, so he threw away the joint he had been smoking and he went to summon his friends.

"You know you have an adorable as-" Tk stopped in mid-sentence realizing what he was saying. She had put him in a trance and she didn't even know it. 

"Hmm?" She said turning around to face him.

"Nothing, I was just saying you look cuter than usual." Tk said scratching his head. He did that often when he was nervous. 

Kari blushed, "Thanks Tk, you're so sweet." 

Tk blushed as well, "Is it just me, or do you get the feeling that we are being watched." 

"Yeah kind of."

"In that case..." Tk seized her by the waist and spun her around behind one of the massive trees. She suppressed the urge to scream out with glee and giggled as he gently placed her up against the tree. A small shaft of sunlight made its way through a gap between the branches and shone down on Kari. The soft light illuminated her like an angel descending from the heavens. 

Tk grinned, "you know what happens now don't you?" He asked as a devilish grin crossed his face. 

"Tk-" She tried to protest but he put of finger to her lips and began kissing her neck and shoulders. She closed her eyes and smiled deciding to let him continue for a few more seconds, ok, a few more minutes. 

Kari ran her hands through his golden locks as he continued to nuzzle and kiss her neck. When she finally got a hold of herself, she brought his face up to hers and whispered in his ear:

"Tk, I don't this is either the time or the place." She mumbled. He nuzzled her again and made baby eyes at her, "What makes you say that?"  
Suddenly her eyes widened and she stopped combing his hair, "maybe it's because there're ten little gnomes standing behind you and they don't look too happy.

Tk's eyes bulged and he looked around, sure enough, there they were. Ten little gnomes who all looked surprisingly like some bogus person from Lord of the Rings. 

The tallest one (which was about three feet) said nothing and instead, with enough passion capable of swooning a drunken elephant, charged at Tk. The little gnome smashed his face against Tk's hip and fell towards the ground dazed. 

"Retreat!" Cried one of the gnomes and they all scrambled around and bumped into each other. Eventually, they all managed to make it up the tree. 

"That was awkward." Said Kari, still confused by the sight of the Tree Gnomes. Without saying much, the two kids found the path, and continued in the direction of Ti.

After about ten minutes, they heard what seamed to be a gnome bashing his head against a tree, and then a sharp, "TIMBER!" 

Kari screamed as Tk lunged at her and pushed them both out of the way of the massive tree that fell to the earth with a deafening crash. Splinters and branches flew everywhere and the tree kicked up so much dust when it fell that Kari had trouble seeing her own hand which was not even a foot in front of her face. 

When the dust and debris finally settled, a gnome jumped out of the tree and saw that Tk and Kari were unharmed. 

"Oh crap, you're not dead." The gnome spat. 

"Why do you want to hurt us?" Kari asked.

"Because you're obviously here to steal our marijuana!" He screamed passionatly. He pointed to a bush of already rolled joints. 

"No. No we are not." Tk said. He went over to the bush, plucked off a joint, and gave it to the little gnome.

"See?" Tk said smiling, "we only want to cross through the forest." Then the gnome did something peculiar, he started crying his heart out. 

"This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!" He sobbed, "you have my eternal gratitude, myself and the rest of the Tree Gnomes will serve you for the rest of our lives!"

Tk scratched his head, "uh thanks... I guess." 

The gnome stopped crying and went over to hug both kids, "you two don't worry. I'll have this tree out of your way in a minute." With that, he called his comrades and they all tried to lift the enormous tree.

Kari looked at Tk, "That was weird." She said. He nodded and then they both started laughing uncontrollably. 

"What the heck was up with that?" Tk said pointing to the gnomes.

"I really don't know. Let's just get out of here. I think this environment is slowly frying my brain." She responded.

Tk laughed and then looked at the Tree Gnomes. Despite their desperate efforts they weren't having a lot of luck.

"This may take a while." He said pointing at them, "Wanna make out?" 

"Sure!" She smiled and flung her arms around his neck.

***

"Yes I'm absolutely positive this is going to work." Said Izzy. He was holding a long pointed pill of Gas-X. 

Professor Luck ran back into the room. He and the Royal Escort had gone to get General Butt-Cheeks but she was with Tai and Matt somewhere along the Measly Mountains. He told Izzy that General Butt-Cheeks wasn't available, so they decided to keep on modifying the Gas-X until it was perfect. Now all they needed was Kari's gun.

***

"So what page are you on Matt?" Tai asked after a long silence. They'd been hiking up an enormous mountain that they thought was going to last forever, now they were finally going downhill. 

"Three. I had so much trouble hiking with these bowling balls that I can't even keep the book open without slipping. Let alone concentrate and actually read it." Matt said as he tried to keep his eyes on the trail and on the book at the same time.

General Butt-Cheeks, who was in a bathing suit with a nice pair of sunglasses, sat up on her donkey and looked at the two boys, "will you two stop complaining? It's hot out and I don't need any more hot air coming from you're mouths!"

"Sorry general." Tai grumbled. Matt didn't even bother replying.

"If you don't want to read the Divine Comedy I'll make a deal. You guys can read the first three chapters of War and Peace." She said.

"The book only has four." Tai hissed under his breath. 

"Well hurry up you lazy bums we're hiking- I mean _you're_ hiking in Blubber-Stitch territory. Don't want to be caught and thrown of a cliff with a bunch of monkeys do you?" She added and then reclined once again on her donkey. 

Tai snorted indignantly but he quickened his pace anyhow.

***

Sora fluttered gently to the ground and hid behind a shrub. She had witnessed Mimi being dragged into a cave. Haywood had rolled a boulder into the hole to keep Mimi "safely" inside. Despite Homo's efforts to get information out of her, Mimi would not speak, and since she was more valuable to Sandy alive than dead, they had left her in the dark, dirty cave alone until she decided to spill the beans.

Luckily for her, Sora was fermenting a plan in her head on how to bust Mimi out of the cave without making much noise. When she was sure the coast was clear, Sora ran up to the cave and concentrated magic in her fingers. She eyed the boulder that was blocking the passage into the grotto and she slowly whispered the spell to herself. She thought that if she spoke to loudly she might attract attention. 

Finally, with a sweeping motion of her right arm, a powerful red shockwave emitted from her fingers and hit the boulder with an earsplitting crash. The rock turned red and exploded into a thousand pieces. The explosion echoed throughout the mountains and started an avalanche three miles away which swallowed up an eighty year old monk who was under a vow of silence. 

"So much for being quite." Sora grumbled. 

Mimi, who had been dozing off just a few seconds ago, woke up with a start as a piece of rock came whizzing by just inches from her face. She bolted up in her chair and saw Sora waving at her with a goofy smile on her face. Mimi always expected strange things to happen, but never had she expected this. 

Sora ran into the cave and began untying Mimi's hands. The sound of the explosion was still echoing in the cave. 

"How did you find me." Mimi asked rubbing her wrists.

"Just luck I guess, I followed you and a few other people here, and when they tied you to a chair and threw you in this cave, I didn't exactly think like they were inviting you over for Christmas." Sora responded chuckling. 

"Well, we have to hurry, if those blond idiots heard the explosion, they won't be to happy. We also have to figure out a way of how to kidnap Homo." Mimi said.

Speak of the devil, at that point a few spies from the Blubber-Stitch along with Homo and Haywood were running up to the cave.

"What was that sound, did you fart again Haywood?" Said one of the spies. When they rounded a corner they noticed that the boulder was in pieces and that the two girls were running out of the cave as fast as they could.

"I'll stop them." Said Haywood as he jumped in front of their path. The girls stopped dead in their tracks. 

"Oh crap." Mimi said, although Sora did save her, her reckless behavior was not going to get them anywhere. 

"I'll handle this behemoth, you try to get Homo." Sora whispered. Mimi nodded. Haywood growled and lunged for the girls but Sora flew up out of his grasp and Mimi dodged between his legs.

"Get those two bitches sweetheart!" Homo screamed. He was standing on a piece of broken boulder dancing around like a cheerleader. 

"Just try." Sora said she twirled around in the air and unleashed a flurry of sparks from the tip of her fingers. 

"Hey that's not fair." Haywood grumbled as a spark hit his face and singed off an eyebrow.

Meanwhile, Mimi scrambled up from the floor and tackled Homo. She knocked him off the rock he was dancing on and they rolled around struggling together.

"Help!" Homo cried, "this is worse than the time I told my mother that I didn't like her fruitcake!"

"Correction." Mimi stated, "this is worse than the time you told your mother that you _were _a fruitcake." She smiled at the statement before knocking him out. 

The girls thought they were having the upper hand, until Sora flew to close for comfort and Haywood swatted her down like a fly with his massive hand. Also, the Blubber-Stitch spies decided to stop being so patient and one of them tackled Mimi. 

"Ow-" She tried to scream but the spy was trying to choke her to death. 

"You stupid bitch." said the spy, "you're not going to give us any more trouble. Soon Operation Rip Apart will take place, and humanity as you know it will be extinct. The only survivors will be the Blubber-Stitch and the Orgs. Goodbye sweetie, you'll die knowing that you have failed Aros." 

Mimi struggled violently but to know avail. Her eyes began to tear up as less oxygen flowed to her brain. Why did it have to end this way? As she struggled fighting for her life and drawing her last breaths, she hallucinated and saw Tai and Matt running towards her. Matt lifted his leg up and a chained bowling ball smacked the spy in the face. The spy collapsed and Mimi sucked up much needed air. She fell into Matt's arms and gasped breath after breath of sweet air. No hallucination after all, how the two boys got here though was beyond Mimi.

"What took you so long?!" Mimi gasped. 

Matt almost laughed, "What took us so long? You want to know what took us so long!" He chuckled as Mimi gripped his shoulders, continuing to gasp for air.

"You okay?" He said after a while. She nodded.

"Hello, a little help here-ow!" Sora screamed as Haywood landed a crushing blow on her. 

"Hey big boy!" Tai yelled. Haywood turned around and the next thing he knew a bowling ball connected with his crotch. Then came oblivion. 

After the screams subsided, the remaining Blubber-Stitch spies decided to attack. Tai began to put up his fists but Sora stopped him. 

"No Tai, we can't win, let's go back to Ti and get General Butt-Cheeks." She said.

"But she's here or at least she was." Tai said as he began to run.

"It doesn't matter, I know what the Blubber-Stitch are up to, I have to get back to Ti right away!" Mimi yelled as she followed him.

Tai nodded, "Ok, Sora, you try to fend off these losers while Matt and I take Mimi back to Ti." He said.

"Gladly." She said, right before summoning a fireball and throwing it at one of the spies. 

"RUN!" Matt yelled. And they did, as fast as they could (which was difficult for the boys since they had bowling balls chained to their feet) down the mountain.

It wasn't until they were halfway down that Mimi realized that she had made a horrible mistake.

"HOMO!" She yelled, "Shit I forgot all about him, I have to go back and get him."

"We'll go with you." Matt said turning around to go back up the mountain.

"No, I'm an ASS Investigator, I can take care of myself. You guys have a test to finish, I'll be back soon." She responded.

All Matt could do was nod as he saw her bolt up the mountain again. 

***

"What's going on? Where's my brother?" Kari asked. She and Tk had just arrived in Ti and where surprised to see that almost no one was there. 

"Tai and Matt are taking the Three Days in Hell test and I have no idea where the girls are." Izzy was saying, "But I do know that I have perfected the Gas-X. I just need you're gun to try it out."

"My gun, why?" She asked puzzled.

"You'll see." He said taking the gun from her. He loaded the elongated Gas-X into the gun and gave it back to her, "Fire this at an Org and see what happens." Kari took the gun still confused. 

"Now." Said Professor Shmuck, "We need to be making a lot more guns for every member in the Royal Knights of the Round Table of Ty!"

"Let's get to work." Izzy said enthusiastically. There was nothing he loved more than to make things. His joy for his work drew people to do things with him. So partly because they were awed by Izzy's passion and partly because they had nothing else to do, Tk and Kari helped Izzy in making the guns.

***

"I'm sorry Tai I can't go through with this, I have to go help her." Matt said. He was worried about Mimi and didn't want her to go get Homo all by herself. What if she got captured again?

Tai put his face in his hands. What was he going to do? He threw away the book he didn't even start reading and he looked up at Matt.

"Let's do it!"

***

Despite Matt's sincere worry for his friend, Mimi was having a fine time and was in no need of help. In the few minutes that she had spent trekking up the mountain, she had decapitated a spy, rolled a boulder over an angry mob of monks, caused an avalanche that destroyed the Blubber-Stitch's mushroom pasture, removed the reproductive organs of a spy, smashed the reproductive organs of another spy, tore off with her bear hands the reproductive organs of yet another spy, threw a number of spies off the side of the mountain, removed a spy's liver, sterilized almost all of her opponents, set one of the Blubber-Stitch's villages on fire, and finally, freed the monkeys that were about to be thrown off of a cliff.

But she still hadn't found Homo. And because Mimi was becoming somewhat of a threat to the well being of a Blubber-Stitch, Sandy Buttocks decided to dispatched a troop of Orgs that had sworn allegiance to her.

Mimi was happily skipping up the mountain singing and was ready to smash more reproductive organs when a band of angry Orgs surrounded her. She panicked at first, but then a sly smile spread across her face and her eyes twinkled with wicked glee.

"Alright boys, let's dance."

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Whew, ten pages! I hope that didn't take _too_ long. Are you people excited? What's going to happen when Mimi makes an Org go into chronic crapping disorder? Hahaha you'll find out soon in the last chapter of the three days in hell trilogy!!

Remember to R/R a lot. I love reviews and I'll finish faster if I get a lot of them. In case anyone was worried, I have no intention of discontinuing the story. I just don't have as much time as I did over the summer that's all.

Ok I guess this is kind of late but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Later.


	13. Three Days in Hell: The Final Day

This is it! The last chapter in my Three Days in Hell Trilogy! If this isn't very, very funny, then I'll dig a hole jump in it and persuade an elephant to take a dump on me. No just kidding. I won't do that, but anyway this is going to be really funny. Try not to split your sides when you laugh.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be mine, now go away and leave me alone in the cardboard box that I like to call my house and let me write in peace!

****

***WARNING***

If you are sickened and/or disgusted by flying wads of waste products or if you've had a history of heart attacks and suffer from nausea then I strongly suggest you skip over the first few paragraphs for the sake of your health. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Chapter 12

Three Days in Hell: The Final Day

Mimi was surrounded by a bunch of smelly orgs. She stared them down and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"Let's dance boys!" She shouted and began spinning and twirling in the air looking somewhat like a diseased poodle with a flaming case of diarrhea. As she spun in the air, Homo and three spies were looking at her from above. They were standing on a rock that was jutting out of the side of the mountain. As soon as Homo figured out what Mimi was trying to do, he began to scream in panicky terror, urging her to stop.

"Mimi, STOP! Have you ever seen an org go into chronic crapping disorder? It's horrible. Please I beg you, STOP!!!" He screamed but to no avail. Mimi kept on dancing. Just then a curious thing happened.

It started on the Org that was standing right in front of her. First he looked sick, like he was about to throw up. Then his face began contorting itself into grotesque features, like the face of someone that ate too much airline food. Then, without warning, he began to fart. Softly at first, then faster and faster until he sounded like a farting metronome and finally, he screamed in agony and a tiny piece of poop stained his pants. 

The he exploded. Pieces of shit flew everywhere, all over the other Orgs, all over Homo, all over the spies, all over Mimi, and all over the mountain. 

"Oh lovely." Mimi muttered, "I've turned an Org into a shit bomb." As soon as she finished that sentence the other orgs started looking sick as well. 

"Take cover!" Yelled Homo, but it was too late. Another Org exploded in an inferno of crap. More waste flew everywhere, covering the people in the nearby vicinity.

"What the hell is going on?!" Matt yelled. He had just trekked up the mountain again with Tai. They were going to help Mimi capture Homo. Of course, they weren't expecting to see wads of shit flying around. 

"Matt, duck!" Tai was running up the side of the mountain dodging the pieces of crap when he notices a particularly big piece heading in Matt's direction. Matt ducked just in time, and the waste product flew off and disappeared on the horizon. 

"Watch out for the big pieces, they could remove your head and do other nasty things." Tai said. As of on cue, another big flying turd zoomed above Mimi's head and slammed into the rock that Homo and the spies were standing on. It splintered and broke off of the mountain. 

"Mommy!" Homo screamed, and he fell along with the rock and smashed into the ground just a few feet from where Mimi was standing. After the dust settled, Mimi didn't hesitate to grab Homo and hoist him over her shoulder. 

"Let's get out of here, before I get showered with more crap." Mimi yelled. Tai and Matt both nodded, and they began running down the trail again, but another Org exploded, and piece of crap flew overhead and caused a tiny avalanche of rocks to fall right in front of them. 

"Oh no. Now the trail is blocked. We can't go down." Tai sighed in dismay. His ankles were bruised from the bowling balls that were tied to them, and at this point all he felt like doing was going to sleep. 

A small piece of shit flew by and hit Matt in the face. 

"Oh shit! I'm covered in shit! Ok, whatever we do, we can't stay here. And Mimi, for the future, whatever your plan may be to capture a gay folk dance instructor, make sure it doesn't include moist, flying pieces of crap!" Matt shouted as he wiped the shit from his face. 

"I took care of the Orgs didn't I?" She snapped, "Now come on, there has to be another way of this crappy mountain (no pun intended). We certainly can't stay here. If we get hit by one of those really big flying turds we'll fall of the mountain and splat like lemons!"

"Thanks for that thought Mimi." Tai grumbled as he massaged his blistered ankles.

"I've lived in the Blubber-Stitch Domain all my life. There's another way out of here by the food storage. It's not to far from here. If we hurry we can make it before they send other Orgs after us." Matt exclaimed.

"Ok." Mimi said shifted Homo into a more comfortable position for her to carry him.

"I'd carry him, but I'd feel weird holding a gay man." Tai said, "by the way is he conscious?" 

Mimi saw that Homo was just coming around so she punched him in between the eyes as hard as she could.

"Nope."

The three teenagers ran up the mountain following Matt's lead to the food storage. The sun was just beginning to set on the horizon in the west. If they didn't hurry, it would be to dark for them to go anywhere. As they rounded a corner, they bumped into Sora. 

"Hey, I was looking for you guys. Why are you running this way?" She said when she saw them.

"The path that leads to the exit is blocked. There is another exit by the food storage." Matt said.

"I saw the food storage on my way here. It's the cave full of bagged mushrooms, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's heavily guarded though, so your magic will come in handy." Matt said. They continued up the winding twisting path. At one point along the hike Sora asked what had happened while she was gone. She said she had noticed some "brown fireworks". When she asked what they were, none of the others said anything too clearly. Sora took the hint when Tai pointed at the shit stains in Matt's blond hair. 

When they reached the food storage, they saw it was surrounded by a bunch of Blubber-Stitch soldiers. They were equipped with swords, shields, and they used polka-dot underwear for helmets. 

"If we can get past them, the exit is at the end of a tunnel in the food storage cave." Matt whispered. 

"It'll be no use, there are guards at the end of the tunnel as well." The four people blinked in surprise and stared at the person that had spoken. Homo was conscious again (despite the big purple bruise on his forehead.) 

"Wait, wait, don't hurt me!" He squealed. Mimi was about to whack him over the head with a rock she had found, but she paused to listen to him.

"I've decided to help you guys. There is a secret exit on the other side of the mountain, you can get there by crossing through that ravine." He said, pointing to a rather steep and dark canyon.

"Yeah right Homo, how do we know you're not leading us right into a trap?" Mimi questioned. 

"You have to believe me! At first I never wanted to help you, but then I saw how well you danced, and I was just so proud of you! You're the best student I've ever had! When I was younger, I thought that money, power, and sex with men would lead me to happiness. But when I saw you dance, and when I saw the Orgs explode into giant pieces of crap, I realized that my true happiness comes from watching my students perform the dances that I have taught them!" He said this with true sincerity in his voice. He spoke from his heart so much that Matt almost started crying, but Mimi didn't become an ASS Investigator by being deceived.

"Bullshit Homo." She said, and proceeded to hit him with the rock.

"I swear it, please believe me!" Homo screamed passionatly, "I swear it on, on that nice boy over there. By the way that's some nice piece of ass!" He exclaimed pointing at Tai. 

Sora put her hand on Mimi's shoulder, "Let's trust him this time Mimi. We don't have much choice, besides, what can a gay dance instructor do to us?" 

Mimi sighed. She put down the rock and let Homo go.

"But I'm warning you!" Sora said glaring at Homo, her eyes were stone cold. "One wrong move and I'll permanently seal your asshole shut!" 

Homo gulped. He nodded and understood, "Ok sweethearts follow me, I'll get you out of here!" 

They didn't even take three steps when a woman ran out of the food storage cave and stopped in front of our heroes with Haywood and a band of angry Orgs.

It was Sandy, "Homo, you traitor. I knew I should never have trusted a gay man in a pink leotard! Get them!" The Orgs lumbered towards a very terrified Homo.

"Run!" Tai yelled and the five of them bolted towards the food storage. Sandy, Haywood and the Orgs followed them. Matt led the way through the rows and rows of bagged mushrooms. 

"Hurry!" He panted, the bowling balls slapped at his ankles as he ran, and he felt like was going to collapse at any minute. 

"They're gaining on us! The polka dot headed guards are coming after us-hey, that guard is cute!" Homo said winking at the angry guard with polka-dot underwear over his head. 

"You guys hide, I'll take care of them." Sora said. She stopped running and turned around to face the guards, who stopped in their tracks. Surprised more than anything to see one girl attempt to take on a small army.

Sora breathed deeply and, with great effort, began to cast a spell.

"Get away from her!" Sandy and Haywood screamed, "She's a sprite!" It was too late. Sparks flew from Sora's fingers and landed on the heads of the soldiers wearing polka-dot underwear. The underwear came to life and clamped down over their owners' necks. Giving them a permanent wedgie.

The soldiers screamed terrified. They ran around in circled bumping into each other and bashing their heads furiously against the wall trying to get the underwear off. But they knocked themselves out at the same time. Sora took this as an opportunity to hide as well. 

In the meantime Matt had found four empty bags. They were labeled _dogs, cat, potatoes_, and the last one was blank. Tai and Sora crawled into the one labeled_ dogs_, Mimi got into the one labeled _cat_, Matt got into the one labeled _potatoes_, and Homo climbed into the blank one.

Haywood came by the four bags and looked around.

"Alright you flimsy faggot where are you?" He asked. He kicked the bag labeled _dogs._ Tai and Sora barked.

"Stupid dogs." Haywood muttered under his breath. He turned around and kicked the bag labeled_ cat. _Mimi meowed like a cat, fully deceiving Haywood.

"Then you guys must be in this one!" Haywood yelled triumphantly as he kicked the bag labeled _potatoes._

"Potatoes!" Matt said. 

At this point Haywood was very angry. Everybody, especially Matt, had been able to conceal his or her self very well. Finally, in a fit of rage, he kicked the blank bag with all of his might.

Homo farted. 

"No, Sandy. Everything is fine here. The kids must have run off somewhere else." Haywood said turning around to leave.

"Find them!" She screamed. 

After about a minute and a half, Haywood stopped to think, "Hey wait a minute, since when do potatoes talk? Hey! Come back here!" The kids bolted out of the bags and ran down the tunnel as fast as they could. Haywood took off after them, along with Sandy and the Orgs.

Despite the bowling balls, Matt and Tai had grown a lot stronger due to the Three Days in Hell test. Because of there extra strength they were able to run just a bit further without having cardiac arrest and keeling over right there on the spot.

"I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!" Tai yelled as he ran.

"NO!" Sora screamed, "Tai don't even think about dieing on me!" 

"No, I really can see the light! The exit of the tunnel is right up there!" He yelled excitedly.

He was right. The mouth of the cave was just a few yards away, they could escape! However...

"Release the gate!" Sandy screamed. Before Tai knew what was happening, a huge chained gate came down with a crash blocking the path and sealing mouth of the cave.

"Crap!" Tai yelled.

"Please don't say that! I've had enough of that word for today." Mimi whined. 

Sora was about to cast a spell that would smash the gate into a million pieces. But try as she could, she didn't have an ounce of magic left in her.

"I can't do it guys. I'm so sorry. I should have rested when I had the chance, now it'll take a few hours before my magic is recharged." She sighed in despair and sank to the floor.

"It's ok Sora, we all tried our best. You can't win them all I guess." Tai bowed his head in defeat and collapsed to the ground with Sora. He grabbed the gate and shook it furiously. This wasn't fair, everything had been going so well for them.

"I give up. There's no hope for escape. Despite all our efforts we've failed. I'm sorry Kari, I'm sorry King. Everybody I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop Operation Rip Apart." He said this as he buried his face in his hands.

"You fought well. I didn't think you would make it this far...Losers!" Sandy said. She finished the statement by laughing like a hyperactive chicken.

"I can't believe it! How can you just give up like this? It's not like you to surrender so easily Tai!" Mimi said in disbelief, "I don't know about you guys, but there's no way I'm giving up after having come this far!"

She turned to face the gate that was blocking her escape. She could see the sky through the tiny squares that made up the chain gate. The sky was tinted red, which could only mean that the sun was setting. She had one hope left. She put her fingers to her mouth and whistled as hard as her could.

"What are you doing, no one can help you now." Sandy said evilly. She told the Orgs to kill them all. She didn't want to spare any survivors because they were more trouble than they were worth.

"Help!" Mimi yelled as an Org was about to smash her head open with a silver mallet. 

Suddenly an earsplitting scream was heard. The sun was blocked by a huge shadow and the figure of an enormous bird appeared overhead.

"Get out of the way!" Matt yelled. The bird flapped his wings furiously causing a mini hurricane. The strong wings dislodged the heavy gate and it came crashing down right on top of Sandy Buttocks. 

"Ouch! Haywood get this stupid thing off of me! Orgs, don't let the kids get away!" She barked out orders as the Orgs scrambled to equip themselves with bows and arrows. 

The bird landed in the cave with the force of an earthquake, Mimi caught a glimpse of the familiar face:

"Fido!" Mimi squealed, "I knew you would come! Quickly guys, get on!"She didn't have to tell them twice, Tai and Matt had already scrambled up on to the Phoenix's back. 

"You won't get away, my archers are stationed all over the mountain. They'll shoot your colorful parrot right out of the sky!" Sandy spat. She didn't like losing, and she was going to make sure she didn't.

Sora looked at the mountain. There were thousands of archers. They were already firing their arrows. There was no way Fido was going to make it. The sky was filled with arrows! It was going to be like flying through a blizzard without being hit by a snowflake! Unless...

"Mimi! Homo!" Sora screamed, "All of the archers are Orgs!"

"So what...oh!" Homo understood. He got in place beside Mimi and they made sure that every Org on that mountain could see them.

"Hurry!" Tai screamed. An arrow whizzed by and barely hit his shoulder. 

Homo looked at Mimi and smiled evilly, "Show me what you've learned sweetie." He said. At that, both Mimi and Homo began dancing like there was no tomorrow. Mimi spun, Homo skipped, they twirled and flipped through the air looking drunk, high, and hyperactive all at the same time.

When they finished, nobody wanted to stay to see what would happen next. 

"Let's get out of here!" Mimi screamed. She hopped up on Fido with Homo close behind her. Fido spread his wings and shot up into the sky. If they had taken off any later, they would have been hit by a bunch of crap that was already flying around due to the explosion of the first Org. 

Once they were high enough in the air, they witnessed something amazing and horrifying. First an Org in the food storage cave exploded. Then another, and another. And soon, the explosions spread like wildfire. Shit flew everywhere. Enormous pieces of crap stuck together and hit the side of the mountain like missiles. Poop shot around at incredible speeds. It seemed as if the mountain had erupted and it was spewing shit. The Orgs had all become bombs.

"Whew, I'm glad we got ourselves out of that one!" Mimi sighed.

"Same here, we better go back to Ti. Tai and Matt have the last part of the test to take you know." Sora said. The boys didn't say anything, but it looked like Matt's eyes

turned red.

"Hey Sora." Tai said after a while, "Is Homo staring at my ass?" He said suddenly scared.

Sora suppressed a giggle and straddled his waist, "Don't worry I'll protect you." She said after bursting out laughing. 

Matt laughed too and rolled his eyes. The he focused on the setting sun and thought about the test that would await him tomorrow. Little did he know, that he and Tai had already taken it.

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Yeah another chapter done! Sorry if it was a little short, but the shorter they are the quicker I can update them. 

I bet all of you are brimming with anticipation. The next chapter will be called, Farts-o-Fire. And I promise I I'll lay off the poop jokes next time. 

Review please! I love reviews, it's a crime if you've read the fic but haven't reviewed! 

I'll update soon, I promise. Bye.


	14. FartsOFire

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A PERSONAL NOTE

Wow. How long has it been since the last time I updated. Over a year. Yeah that's a long time. I even thought about quitting for a while, hence the long wait. It's not that I don't like writing this strange little tale. I love it, and I'm very grateful for the support all you guys have given me (you know who you are).

I stopped writing the fic because my life isn't very hilarious right now, and the humorous ideas that came so naturally before just stopped coming. It was like searching for water in an empty well, and if I tried to write this fic in a sad state of mind, it would have been horrible. So I guess it might have been a good thing that I stopped for a while. 

But, I'm not giving up, or slacking off. You people aren't going to get rid of me that easily. A break from writing and a fantastic summer were the perfect medicine to pick up my spirits. So I re-read this warped creation, and I found the funny side of me in it again (along with a bunch of spelling and grammatical errors)

So, since I'm not the kind of person that likes to leave unfinished fics hanging, here I am! Like it or not, I'm going to finish this bad-boy, and then I'm probably going to do a sequel, and then write some other weird parody and defile some other perfectly innocent show.

So don't any of you think for a minute that I'm quitting or backing out. This is just the beginning. And if you people thought that the previous chapters were funny...(*insert evil maniacal laughter here*)

****

END OF PERSONAL NOTE

Ok, this suspense filled story is drawing to its...err...suspense filled conclusion! Expect lots of laughs. Anyhow, remember to review, blah, blah, blah, you know the drift.

Disclaimer: Guess you're tired of hearing this too. Digimon is not mine, belongs to Toei animation and a few other people. However plot and other characters in this fic have been spawned by my twisted mind.

Are you people still awake? The fic is going to start now, no really, it is.

Lucky number 13...

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****

Chapter 13

Farts-o-Fire

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A/N-Before I start, there are some people I should thank. To Yamamoto Kou, who for some strange reason put me on his favorite authors list and to LadyApocalymon, who reviewed this strange fic when I was in a slump and boosted my spirits. Thanks. These are just two of the many, but this goes out to all who have reviewed um... Thank you!

-----------------------------------

"Is there being any particular reason you people are being covered in Org droppings or is this being some sort of trend that you hooligans are following." Professor Schmuck told the band of crap-stained teenagers as they made their way into the meeting hall.

The meeting hall in Ti was the center of diplomatic treaties and of carefully planned war strategies. Except for the palace of Tie, this was the most important room of the entire kingdom. Besides governmental uses and the like, this room was also used to celebrate special occasions. It was currently being used as the location of a pig spleen spitting contest, to commemorate the first time a piglet was hacked up in the kingdom. Due to the dire circumstances, our heroes were allowed to assemble in the meeting room as long as they didn't get in the way of the party goers who were happily ripping out the organs of the poor piggies and spitting their spleens.

Everybody was there. Tai, Matt, Sora, Mimi, and Homo who had returned by way of Mimi's Phoenix from the Blubber-Stitch Domain, which was now in very crappy condition, in all senses of the word. Tk, Kari, and Izzy who had been working on the creation and duplication of the Gas-X weapon where also there and eager to show off what Izzy had come up with. The three professors Luck, Schmuck, and the other one who had aided Izzy in his weapon making where also very excited. Finally, General Butt-Cheeks, the harsh, whip-cracking, general of the Knights of the Round Table of Ty, and her colleague, General Judith "Sourbutts" (dubbed so because she had a lemon lodged up her ass) were seated at the head of a long table. They were all there, waiting anxiously for the important facts Mimi had discovered while in the domain of the Blubber-Stitch and the story involving Tk and Harry Penis.

"As you all know, the Orgs have been planning Operation Rip Apart for a long time," Mimi began, "their goal is to completely destroy this kingdom with the destructive power of their farts."

"And they had planned extremely well for it too," Tk jumped in, "you see, my brother and I are both heirs to the throne of Ty, but we were kidnapped by Harry Penis while we were very young. His dream was to remove the heirs to the throne of the kingdom so that once Operation Rip Apart destroyed it, the remaining survivors would have nobody to lead them. With the kingdom in shambles, Harry hoped to seize power and unite the Kingdom of Ty and the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs. With such power, Aros and Ju-Ju-Hick would also have fallen, and he would have become ruler of the world."

General Sourbutts spoke up, her voice was so deep it sounded like a male gorilla during mating season, "So you and that other kid over their," she pointed at Matt, "are the rightful heirs to the throne? We've found the missing princes! Now all we have to do is kill that goddamn Penis and-"

Kari interrupted, she had been impatient to speak since she walked into the room, "It's already been taken care of! Tk killed Harry Penis two nights ago. And I found the missing princes for the record."

General Butt-Cheeks jumped out of her chair, "you mean to tell me that that little shrimp took on the meanest Org in all existence and killed him! You kids are amazing! And he didn't even take Three Days in Hell!" Tk blushed.

General Sourbutts shifted in her seat so that the lemon didn't bother her too much, then she turned to her colleague and said, "what exactly did these kids accomplish, it seems to me that they've done incredible things."

"Well," General Butt-Cheeks began, she beamed proudly at Tai and Matt, "The first one is a Knight of the Round Table of Ty, the other one is just some loser."

"Hey!" Matt protested, but she continued.

"Both of them have passed Three Days in Hell and together they're going to command the Knights, under my orders of course, in an attack against the Orgs."

"But General Butt-Cheeks!" Kari cut in, "Tai and Matt only did two trials of Three Days in Hell. They still have one more trial to go!"

Both Tai and Matt shot her a look that could kill. 

"You're right. But these two are an exception. They've already proven themselves in my eyes. While they were undergoing the second part of my examination, it came to their knowledge that their friends," she pointed to Mimi and Sora, "were in trouble in the Blubber-Stitch Domain. Even with bowling balls chained to their feet, they went to their friends' aid, and as you can see, returned safely. All of my Knights know that the greatest deed of all is putting one's life on the line for a friend. These two boys learned that lesson before finishing Three Days in Hell, so they don't have to complete it.

"But don't get any ideas!" She glared at Tai and Matt who had both put on a pompous look on their faces, "tomorrow it's back to washing toilet bowls with your tongues!" 

The pompous look faded quickly.

"What about that girl?" General Sourbutts looked at Mimi, "My spies have intercepted reports from the Blubber-Stitch and she seems to be the most wanted criminal there with a reward of $10,000,000,000."

"Well, I'm sure she can fill you in on that little anecdote." General Butt-Cheeks said, "But what I know is this. Mimi here is an ASS Investigator, and an incredibly good one at that (strange for such a stuck-up airhead). She was able to discover the connection between Harry Penis and Homo. She found out that Homo's folk dances cause Orgs to go into chronic crapping disorder, which will prove very useful in the plan we're devising. She was captured by Sandy Buttocks but managed to escape with help from her friends, and I'm sure she's eager to share with us what she found out about that foul woman.

"Mimi also has a Holy Phoenix in her possession, which is how they're able to fly across the Kingdom with relative ease."

"How did she get a Holy Phoenix?" General Sourbutts asked surprised.

"Me, me! Talk about me!" Sora squealed excitedly.

"Mimi acquired the Phoenix in the haunted woods of despair, where the other girl, Sora, vanquished the evil Phoenix with her magic." General Butt-Cheeks explained.

"She did what!" General Sourbutts gasped, "That's incredible!!" She looked at Sora, "Do you have any idea how powerful your magic must be if you could destroy an evil Phoenix? Thousands of powerful warriors have ventured into that forest before you people have, and nobody has ever come back! Your power must surpass that of all other sprites!" Suddenly, an astonishing thought crossed General Sourbutts's mind, "Sora, you must be the Last Epsilon!" 

"Huh?" Sora said confused.

General Butt-Cheeks twirled to face General Sourbutts with an incredulous yet excited look on her face, "You can't be serious!" 

"What is you people being talking about?" Professor Luck asked, finally interested in the conversation.

"What's the Last Epsilon?" Tai asked.

General Sourbutts tried to contain her excitement, "It's... no, I shouldn't tell you now. We have more important things to worry about. If you wish to know you should go see the Prophesy Mage, located in Orsa, on the western edge of the Kingdom of Aros. After Operation Rip Apart is taken care of. But I can't tell you about it now."

(A/N- and neither can I, so at least I'll have some sort of cliff-hanger at the end of the chapter.)

"Well," General Butt-Cheeks said after Sora's protests had stopped, "I believe Mimi had something to tell us about Sandy Buttock's (bitch) plans and how it all ties in too Operation Rip Apart."

"Right," Mimi said, "It seems to me that the Orgs and the Blubber-Stitch are just a bunch of backstabbers. They've been co-operating closely together getting ready for Operation Rip Apart, and they both set up places for Matt and Tk to stay after the boys were kidnapped. But Sandy told me that once Operation Rip Apart takes place, she will defeat the Orgs and claim the Kingdom of Ty to herself."

"How the hell is she (bitch) going to do that?" General Butt-Cheeks asked skeptically.

"She didn't say, but I wouldn't underestimate her abilities. She's got err... patient spies working for her as well as an army of soldiers with polka-dot underwear helmets. She's also got an Org army of her own. Or at least she did before Homo and I caused them to go into chronic crapping disorder."

General Butt-Cheeks nodded, "Speaking of which, we should really discuss the plan-" She was interrupted by an ear-splitting sound and a quake that shook the room so violently one of the pig spleen spitters fell and began gagging. 

"What on earth was that!" General Sourbutts yelled, "Earthquake?" 

"Let's go outside and see." Yelled Tai.

"Not a good idea to go outside in the middle of an earthquake." Tk said crouching under the table.

"It's not an earthquake." Shouted Tai who was already outside, "Look!"

Everyone stepped over the man choking on pig spleen and scrambled outside to see what Tai was pointed at. 

What seemed to be a green missile made out of gas was flying at amazing speeds. It missed Ti by a couple of miles and crashed into the mountain adjacent to the one Tai and the others were on. The sound was deafening. Almost everyone had to cover their ears from the crackling rumble coming from the mountain. Rocks and boulders flew everywhere and the impact caused an avalanche of rocks to roll down and smash into Butt-Crack Canyon. 

Once the dust cleared and they could see the mountain again, Mimi asked, "Was that Operation-" She didn't finish. Three other green, gaseous missiles flew by this time missing Ti completely. But it wasn't Ti the missiles were aimed at. They rocketed east and almost disappeared out of sight. Then about ten seconds later they could here a faint sound and the shockwave from the three consecutive explosions made the ground shake all the way up to Ti.

Everybody waited in anxious terror, but no other missiles followed the previous four. 

"Those were farts." General Sourbutts said solemnly, "powerful and super-condensed. I don't think Operation Rip Apart has started yet, the Orgs are probably just testing the power of their farts."

"But those explosions, the three missiles..." Sora said worriedly.

"Those three probably hit Tei." Mumbled General Butt-Cheeks.

Tei was Ty's major city of trade. The city was located at the eastern edge of the Kingdom of Ty. It was an important stop for merchants, hookers, and drug dealers trading on the routes that led to the desert far out east. The food that came into the Tei accounted for 30% of the Kingdom's food. Without it, many people would go hungry.

"If Tei is destroyed, what will happen to our food supply?" Tai asked. Food of course, was always very high on his list of priorities. 

"I-I really don't know." General Butt-Cheeks said. For the first time she portrayed a look of worry on her face. 

"The king must know about this!" Tk said.

"Messengers will tell him, if he didn't here the explosion already. Tie is closer to Tei then we are. More importantly, we really have to get our plan into action. We have very little time-" Another interruption stopped General Butt-Cheeks. More farts, four this time. One of them hit the military training grounds. They were standing just half a mile away from the grounds, on the other side of the city. Another huge explosion followed, this time knocking them all off their feet. The sound was even more deafening so close, and in the midst of it all they saw a wall with pretty glass windows fly up in the air (along with a cow, a few shoes, and an old lady selling coconuts) and burst into flames. The shockwaves from the explosion caused another avalanche to form right underneath them, and more rocks tumbled into Butt-Crack Canyon.

"That wall, the fart must have gotten one of the churches used for funeral masses for people that die during Three Days in Hell." General Sourbutts said getting back to her feet.

The other three farts zoomed past Ti and headed north-east. They heard another explosion, but couldn't see anything because it occurred in back of them and the mountain was blocking their view. 

"Oh my word. Those farts must have hit Te!" Mimi exclaimed. 

Everybody gasped. Te was Ty's agricultural center. It was also responsible for all the alcoholic beverages that the Kingdom consumed.

Tai was fuming with rage, "THAT'S THE LAST F***ING STRAW!! NOBODY BLOWS UP MY BEER AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!"

"I completely agree, we have no time to waste," General Butt-Cheeks said, "Here's the plan..."

***

A very mean and ugly Org was tearing through a cannonball (lunch) when the second avalanche of rocks fell down Butt-Crack Canyon and demolished his house.

"Dammit! Why does that keep happening!" This Org was the second in line under Harry Penis. He was put in charge of Operation Rip Apart since Tk disposed of Mr. Penis. This other Org was a lot meaner and stronger than Harry was, but not quite as smart. Hence the fact he wasn't able to figure out that if he broke up mountains on top of him the rocks would come crumbling down.

He picked up his cannonball with his teeth alone and brought it to the Orgs that he had stationed on elevated ground in the canyon. They were the ones who had unleashed the farts that destroyed Tei, Te, and the church in the training grounds of Ti. The Org dropped the cannonball he was carrying in his mouth and said, "Ok men, we're done here. Operation Rip Apart will be splendid. Now go eat some more beans and tell the other soldiers to start stationing themselves. I want everybody in battle positions!"

"Yes sir, Strongtooth!" One Org said, and ran off to follow his orders. 

Strongtooth was his nickname. He chose it partly because his teeth were strong, and partly because he didn't like his given name. His sister's name was Misty Hymen. His name was Rusty... Rusty Hymen.

"Oh wait!" Stongtooth called after one of the Orgs.

"What is it Strongtooth?" 

"I've heard reports from Sandy, she said that the kids have got a Phoenix."

"Say what!" 

"Yeah, the only way they could have gotten it was from the haunted woods of despair."

"What's your point." The Org that was conversing with him was just about as smart as he was (most Orgs can't use words with more than one syllable). The other Org was Strongtooth's sister, Misty.

"My point is that," he lowered his voice to whisper, "I think the Last Epsilon is with them."

"WHAT!"

"Shh! If that's true, we're all in trouble. But I think it would be a perfect way to avenge Harry's death if we were to kill the Last Epsilon!"

"Is this where I come in? You want me to kill the Last Epsilon, are you out of your mind!?"

"No, no, no, just find out who it is- and bring her here! Chances are the Last Epsilon won't know she is the Last Epsilon." 

"I'll do what I can, but I can't promise you anything. I mean... You know, this is the Last Epsilon we're talking about."

"Alright, go fart your way up there. By the way, that last fart was awesome! I bet Te is in shambles!"

"Thanks. Ok, I'm off." 

"Remember, the Last Epsilon is a female, and she's able to make herself invisible. Find her and bring her here, and if worse comes to worse, kill her."

"Ok."

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Oh-oh, what's gonna happen now? What is General Butt-Cheeks's plan. What and who is the Last Epsilon. What are Misty and Rusty Hymen up to? I know and you guys don't (*more evil laughter here*) 

I realize that this chapter might not have been as funny as the others, but the plot has to advance somehow. I think the next chapter will be up in a year. Ha ha ha, just kidding, probably up next week. And it's gonna be much funnier too. I'm on a roll now.

So how was it? Are you all dying with anticipation? Yeah, you know you guys are! 

So remember to review. Lots and lots of reviews are a very good thing. Bye.


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